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General True feelings or temporary emotional wall?

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g3mma

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I have been with my boyfriend(a veteran) for 18 months. When we first met I lived overseas and we spent the first 6 months distance. He declared his love within 3days and always said how he can't wait to get married and have a family. He was besotted all his friends and family were surprised.., and he also said he would never put work before us.

About 6 months ago after a few months of being miserable he decided to change what he was doing and try get back into the industry. It was at this time he said he didnt want to get married or have kids.

He has previously been married and has a child but that fell away whilst deployed. As did his first relationship(ended an engagement whilst deployed).Is it possible he is just saying it out of fear or does he most likely mean it?

He is currently unemployed and stressed and depressed by that! Most days we are good but the past 2 weeks we havent spoken. He now claims he doesnt believe love exists, is this just a temporary phase whilst he is having a low moment or is it at these times the truth is really spoken??
 
When it comes to the kid issue, I'd take him at face value. If you don't then staying with him and not having kids would be a major life regret and would probably cause resentment.
 
When it comes to the kid issue, I'd take him at face value. If you don't then staying with him an...
Thanks Eve.. think this is the biggest issue he sees with me, as he know what I want! And what you said is exactly what he tells me.
It's confusing though because until he changed his mind about job he wanted the same things...when do you know what is real and what isnt?
 
Kids are tricky. So are vets. I sometimes tend to read between the lines with my vet, especially when he's triggered or escalated, to determine if it is likely that he really means what he is saying in the moment or not. I do not think that is a good idea when it comes to things like kids and marriage, though. He could have all kinds of things going on in the background that are influencing his flip flopping on the kids/marriage thing -- unresolved issues from the broken engagement and the previous failed marriage (both during deployment too? ouch), or any issues stemming from his relationship or lack there of with his child. But whether he decides to really wants kids or not doesn't change the fact that those issues are still going to be there and will still affect any additional kid added to the mix.
 
Kids are tricky. So are vets. I sometimes tend to read between the lines with my vet, especially whe...
On most things I take with a pinch of salt, and gauge by moods, stress levels etc. We don't argue that often, and if we do its usually as a result of him distancing himself and not seeing it. I guess I try to prevent these things from happening or getting too bad but they just can't be helped.
He does have a good relationship with his son, but I think he fears he isn't a good father - he grew up not having much to do with his and doesn't want that to happen! It seems the general consensus from everyone is to listen to what he is saying about our future and I know Its silly to have false hope but its not easy to walk away from the person I want to spend the rest of my life with! I just feel him having these fears means he doesn't have faith in us as a couple to last. and why not just break up with me if he feels that way
 
its not easy to walk away from the person I want to spend the rest of my life with! I just feel him having these fears means he doesn't have faith in us as a couple to last. and why not just break up with me if he feels that way
Sounds like maybe y'all could both benefit from some counseling, couples or otherwise.
 
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