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Trust Issues - Any Suggestions?

Discussion in 'General' started by SeaFoam, Oct 16, 2007.

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  1. SeaFoam

    SeaFoam Member

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    Is there anything that helps you guys with trust? Right now it feels like i'm unable to trust anyone, even the people closest to me.. Thinking the worst at all times - like if people aren't constantly talking to me I think they are doing something to hurt me. This really sucks because before my accident I had no problems trusting.. I think a lot of it is right after my accident my girlfriend at the time only saw me once in the hospital, twice when I was at home stuck in bed for the two months and would always ignore me. I know I can trust these people and other people tell me that too but I still have a problem with it.
     
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  3. resurrection

    resurrection Member

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    :hello: I think broken trust is the main cause of PTSD, well in my case anyway.When youve been let down in your most vulnerable state (especially by your nearest and dearest) it takes its toll on your view of the world and it makes you feel unimportant and pointless. I am dealing with this by showing the compassion I feel I didnt receive. I also find it helpful by reminding myself that there is good people out there and to trust myself and my own judgement. All the best :smile:
     
  4. rob4444

    rob4444 Active Member

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    its 1 of the worst symptoms...really sucks..wife goes to the shop for milk and im thinking shes shaggin the postie.......seems to be worst with the ones you love most......after being sat down and explained how devastating it must be for her...i now try much harder..and life seems a little more enjoyable..but you really have to try..
     
    littlepandk likes this.
  5. SeaFoam

    SeaFoam Member

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    Ugh, so I called my girlfriend to ask her what she was doing when she was hanging out with her friend and she got mad at me. :( I wasn't checking up on her I just wondered what she was doing and wanted to tell her I made an appointment for tomorrow and she told me that i'm not changing at all... I kind of want to show her some information on this, but she thinks that I can take care of it all by myself, I really am trying I just wish she could see that. I know i've waited a long time (a year) to start getting help and I know she is still skeptical about it but I really am trying (which I have said before but never taken all of the steps I have been now)
     
  6. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    In regards to my family, it's not so much a matter of trust as a matter of worrying that something could happen when they're out of our sight. At least for me that's been an issue. I've gotten into it with my husband because I've called him 'too much' while he's gone. He's accused me of not trusting him. It took me a long time to make him understand it's not trust, it's the nasty beast that lives in my head and whispers things in my ear and makes my fears get bigger.

    I've worked very hard to keep that fear under control and that's helped everyone involved. Also, working on my traumas has lowered my symptoms tremendously and that's helped the most.

    As to trusting folks outside of family and friends...that's still at the 'ain't happening' point. It takes a long time for me to trust anyone. This is a complete turn around from who I used to be. Part of this is from people who I did trust and they blew that trust apart. Makes it really difficult to work up the desire to go through the whole thing again.

    Lisa
     
  7. nor

    nor Well-Known Member

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    Unfortunately, I am coming to the realization that the "not trusting" is a big part of my PTSD. The only person I trust is my young son-and I haven't shared any of my horrid past with him-and I won't. My family was a big part of my childhood abandonment (they were physically there, but definitely not emotionally, and they certainly didn't protect me from my abuser). So, they are not on my list of those to trust.

    There have been issues with my trusting my husband with a tiny tiny snippet of my abuse, and that backfired in my face with the first argument we had-so I don't trust him with my personal issues either.

    The only person, I have actually tried to trust is my psychiatrist, but that backfires on a regular basis. I lay in wait for him to do or say something that is hurtful-and he recently has hit every trigger I buried. He insists that I can trust him, but I just can not. And when I call to try and make a sooner appt-I get upset when there isn't an opening. I think that the reason I can't get in, is because he feels my problems aren't as bad as someone elses and I'm not as important. Right now I am weighing the decision to cancel a couple of my long range appts because I want to find a way to hurt him, like he has hurt me. But that just isn't going to accomplish anything-he'll just fill the appt with someone else.

    I guess I am not anyone who can advise a method to bring back the "trust factor", but I wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone in your thoughts.

    nor
     
  8. SeaFoam

    SeaFoam Member

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    That is EXACTLY it.. That's what I tell her all the time but she just doesn't understand and I don't know how to make her understand that. I'm really trying, since I don't want to ruin our relationship, it's hard to find someone that will stick with me like she has.
     
  9. Lisa

    Lisa Well-Known Member

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    Trust... ugh. This one is permanently getting in my way.

    I don't think there's a magical answer, other than to try to judge right who you can trust, and to take risks. Each risk never gets easier for me, but if you give up, then what do you have? Just total loneliness, and I'm not sure what's worse really. But trust can be built.

    RE: your girlfriend... why not ask her if she wants to have a read around the information on this forum about PTSD? It sounds like she is frustrated and doesn't grasp things, but maybe she just needs a bit of help to understand more what you are doing to try to help yourself?
     
  10. SeaFoam

    SeaFoam Member

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    I'm just afraid she will think that I am blaming everything on this and that i'm not trying to help myself at all and relying on counseling/here/other people/medicine..
     
  11. John_R

    John_R Member

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    I struggle with trust too. It causes a lot of problems in my relationships. I've learned a few things over the years though like, if I'm constantly accusing it does tend to push people away, and sometimes right into the arms of another. I try not to be accusing, and I try to talk about what I'm feeling rather then what I think they are doing to me.

    I've come to this conclusion. When it comes to trusting an intimate partner it's not really trust I struggle with, it's fear! I fear being foolish about trusting, I fear being manipulated, I fear being hurt, I fear that I'll be betrayed and I fear that I'll be abandoned. That is what it all comes down to for me. It's just fear. The truth is if I really didn't trust someone I wouldn't have them in my life.

    The fact is people are human, and they all have their own hangups and issues too. Every now and then they let me down, and I've got to get over that. One way I found to do this is not play the martyr. It's not easy, because when I feel let down I feel devalued. But, I try to say that wasn't very nice, and I try to explain my feelings. If someone acts like it was no big deal, and they aren't willing to say I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you then I have to reevaluate the relevance of our relationship and make some choices. It feels good to be able to feel level headed and have some control over my well being. Even when it hurts.

    The Monday before last I had planned a special night with my girlfriend. I had a very bad day getting things ready, it was one of those days that what could go wrong did go wrong. We had plans for Monday night, so it wasn't like a surprise to her or anything, but when I got home to start dinner there was a message saying "I'm sorry, but I'm really tried and I had a really bad day I "am" canceling tonight". I freaked out! I was very angry because I didn't feel that being tired was a good enough reason to cancel and ruin all the work and trouble I went through. Needless to say we had a major fight. What happened next was well the good old PTSD symptoms took off and everything else got distorted.

    Bottom line is I felt devalued, unappreciated and very low on her list of priorities. By the end of the week we were talking, and the outcome was that she apologized for being insensitive about everything, and I apologized for my explosive behavior.

    John
     
  12. EmoxxKid

    EmoxxKid Active Member

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    I have lots of trust issues...with everyone.
     
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