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Undiagnosed Trust Issues Or Jealousy? Either Way, How Can I Control It?

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So my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We began our relationship while he was already in one. He broke up with her. He has never cheated on me, I have moments of jealousy.

During the beginning of our relationship he was talking to a client over text and talking a little more than just friendly conversation. He had shown interest in her( More than just friendship). I saw these messages a couple months into our relationship and explain to him why I think he shouldn't be speaking to her anymore. He agreed he said I was right and hasn't spoken to her since.

Recently I saw (social media) for example he starts to follow someone he's met just once Through work, I ask him about it and it turns into a fight about how he says I can't trust him. He says I question him and grill him. I ask in a calm manner and just hope his response isn't to get upset for me asking in the first place.

When I'm having these moments of anxiety he can often tell when I am not myself, so he asks me what's wrong until I tell him and then when I do tell him im having a jealous moment and why, he gets upset. I apologize sincerely and I know what I'm doing is wrong. I know I should trust him he's a great guy how do I stop myself from getting jealous and damaging our relationship? Am i addicted to emotional pain?
 
Have you been officially diagnosed or show an array of symptoms for PTSD? Any previous traumatic events that may have happened in these relationships, such as prolonged emotional or physical abuse? Does your partner have PTSD in any way? Just making sure that you're in the right support forum, friend. Otherwise, a relationship suport forum might be able to give you more help than we can. :)

Fact of the matter is, friend, there was already a massive red flag up the moment he got together with you while he was still in a relationship. That is cheating on a previous partner. That is not caring about a relationship he used to have with someone, probably very closely, and going towards you because he lost interest in the previous one.

If you want my gut feeling, dump him. People who have previously cheated tend to keep cheating.
 
PTSD or not it - it is possible for people who have been cheated on or had an upsetting break up to develop insecurities that can cause them to act not the highest interest of themselves or others in relationships. We all have parts of us that can be emotionally triggered and overreact in certain circumstances. Look up "amygdala hijacking".

You sound like you are actually quite aware of your insecurities, and it sounds like you have tried to deal with it in a calm, reasonable and appropriate manner.

As for your guy:

1. He left someone else for you (So you know how loyal he is in a relationship)
2. He was flirting with a client (He doesn't respect boundaries)
3. Rather than have a discussion, he defensive about his own behaviour and blames it on you and your insecurity (this is a huge red flag for an abusive personality).

This is a guy who doesn't want you to question his actions.

Maybe it would help to get counselling for yourself, you don't have to have been through massive trauma to get counselling. If you find that you you have a pattern of troubled relationships you might benefit from learning about different attachment styles and developing secure attachment.

Hope this helps xx
 
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