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Trusting Your Gut, AKA Maybe it's Not Paranoia

Discussion in 'General' started by angel, Jun 30, 2007.

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  1. angel

    angel New Member

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    In an abusive relationship, your brain shuts down your emotions, then shuts down your gut to survive. For some, once their gut is shut down, they get hit every day and never leave, and even die. Thank God my gut was still working to some degree, enough to get us out.

    When my gut thawed out, it was like a dam broke loose, and I figured that eventually the waters would calm down, and things would balance out.

    Ex was a pathological liar. It took a lot of pain and stress and work to get to the point that I could feel like I could trust anyone again, that anyone was trustWORTHY. A recent situation started to get weird, and I didn't listen to my gut. I just figured that it was overreacting...that it hadn't settled down enough to be reliable, that I was experiencing some paranoia related to ptsd or something. (I posted a thread about paranoia.) Recently, I realized that everything my gut was telling me about the situation, most likely is true.

    Ex prided himself on how 'honest' he was. You know what the worst part about it is??? Same story all over again with this recent situation...total 'honesty.' And I fell for it again. What is wrong with me?

    I am not in a good place right now.
     
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  3. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    ya' I totally agree with trusting your gut. What I do is I like to trust my gut over everything and everyone, but not let on to what I'm doing -going with my gut.

    So I'll witness and appreciate those that are indeed trustworthy, while calling to mind the fruits of their character, actions and trustworthiness and holding them in high esteem. With the folks that play games, I generally observe the petty ones, take mental notes, say nothing, and keep a safe distance. If they up the ante' and start with outright bullsh't, troublemaking, excuses or pathological lying I split and end all contact when I can.

    And in another scenario:

    with the bullsh't in play but minus the pathological lying, and only if there is an honest to God, unintentional and intermittent mild form of this crap occuring, in a long-standing relationship of mine, than I simply speak my mind and will listen to only what makes freakin' sense. Afterwhich, I withdraw until it all passes and then later draw closer again willing to risk my sanity in the hope that there has been great personal improvement or resolve of the bullsh't.

    The type of pathology in pathological lying, I stay way clear of, like you never see me again, or wish to know I ever existed. That is some scary stuff to me and rightfully so.

    Angel, regarding any relationships I suggest you listen to YOUR GUT, no one else's, because prior experience as taught me, that some of the most attractive-(intell., phys., pers.,) , charismatic people in relationship are selfishly dangerous with their own agenda in the forefront of their mind, and only their own agenda, at heart.

    Angel no need expending time and energy being down on yourself, this doesn't help you. We learn through trial and error. Learn now through any error to trust YOUR GUT in relationships, and the experience won't play out or go very far, it may not ever get started again, bc you'll have both you angel and your gut, on your own side to protect you.

    My best to you.

    Hope
     
  4. Grama-Herc

    Grama-Herc I'm a VIP

    Angel.

    You call it your gut. Risking phyc evaluation,. I call it "my little voice" Any time I have ignored my little voice that says "AH????" I've regretted it. There is something deeply ingrained in us as part of our survival instinct. We do, however; opt to ignore this feeling.

    Since starting therapy--although not currently going--the most important thing I've learned is to listen to my little voice. IT IS NEVER WRONG!!!!

    We know, as women, we can't trust our emotions when love enters the scene. I'm proud of you for responding to your gut this time. Keep up the good work and may I share my mantra "If I get the urge for a man in my life, I'll just get another cat" Enjoy your life, smile and keep up the good work HERC
     
  5. She Cat

    She Cat I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    HI Angel,

    Don't beat up on yourself so much about this. I think that most people with PTSD suffer from wanting so much that we fail to see the red flags that are all around us. I know because I speak from experience. I too have a crappy history of picking all the wrong guys, so now I live alone...

    I can stand up for myself in any other situation, put down strong boundaries, avoid situations that I know are wrong,,,,,,,,,,But when it come to the heart, and love issues...I just suck at this...

    I don't have any answers for you... Just try not to beat yourself up...

    She Cat
     
  6. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Angel, atleast you got out and your head is screwed on correctly. Its not your fault that others are that way, ie. liar. No, you don't attract them, there is simply a lot of people like that out there to be found. Keep your head screwed on correctly, keep looking, and remain careful.
     
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