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Relationship Trying Not To Leave My Combat Vet

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Cknep1

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Hello!
I've never written my own thread but I need some good advice right now and no one in my life truly understands what I'm/he is going through.

I have been dating my vet for a year now and he is 100% disabled from the marines with a Purple Heart. I like to say he was a "Super Grunt" front of line intense shit. He doesn't have any visible ailments so when you look at him you'd never know. Anyways, we met online and fell hard for each other. We were soooo in love and he treated me like a queen (which I had never had) he was upfront about his issues and struggles with being around people and what he needed from me to make sure he felt safe. I'm really patient and was totally wiling to take the role. We worked so well together and we would almost cry every time I had to leave to go back home (he lived an 1hr away). Then, About 2.5 months ago he bought a home and I was gonna move in him. He always wanted me to live with him from like month 3 but I was nervous about the move since he really doesn't do well with unfamiliar places. He seemed fine for a week or so then came the blow up, he just started hiding from me in the extra room and completely isolating himself, he did this sometimes before but rarely and not this intense. I tried my best to give him his space and let him know I'm here if needs anything, then he just started yelling at me telling me he f*ckin hates me and hopes I die and to get my shit out of his house in 1hr or he'll call the cops! FYI He is probably the worlds worst communicator and so trying to talk about what was going on was out of the question. I was balling crying packed up all my stuff and loaded my car while he just sat there. I get probably 20mins down the road and he texts me saying how sorry he was and he didn't mean it and that he just need some time to adjust to the new space, I was totally fine with that and told him all he had to do was just tell me that in the first place. So I gave him a week alone and he missed me and wanted me to come home, so I did. Fast forward to last Monday, we got into a little argument cuz he started saying I was eating HIS food or I was using HIS washer and dryer and anything else that he wanted me to know was his. I contribute a lot to the household so I was confused and super annoyed. I tried asking what's wrong and he just said "everything". So we argued and I told him I was gonna head home and hoped he would come to thanksgiving and his response was "you're leaving?" I sad yes he says "Thank God" I was hurt and crying so I left and thought he would apologize later but he didn't and just said he needed alone time. I respect his alone time and i want him to have it, but then he has his buddies over and they're just getting drunk and he's really not having alone time. He Didn't come to thanksgiving, didn't even text me happy thanksgiving. I was really sad and asked him to please let me know what's going on and let's work this out. He said he's super sad and really depressed and doesn't think he can be in a relationship. He stopped takin his meds a couple months ago and was suppose to make an appointment for the VA but hasn't. He has never gone this long without talking or texting me and so I said I'll come and get the rest of things and we can move on if he doesn't want to try to make this work. He was rude and nasty, trying to fight with me. I guess what I'm asking is, he hasn't really tried to do anything to make this work throughout the fights or at least have a damn conversation without anger. I'm going to his house tomorrow and I just feel like our love was so strong and passionate that it's worth the extra effort and the difficult stuff. I just don't know if this behavior is out of super intense ptsd or if he really just doesn't love me anymore and wants this to be over. I'm so confused and heartbroken and I wish I could take his pain away and give him some peace but I can't. I know the nice amazing man is still in there underneath all the pain in his head and that's what keeps me going and it's hard sometimes but I'm not ready to give up just yet.
Sorry this was so long! It's been awhile since I've been able to vent!
 
There's two things about it love. It takes two. And you need to let more than a few weeks to go by before declaring it undyingly.

If you read anywhere on this forum, you will find so many supporter stories just like yours, and without the sufferer in any kind of therapy, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell. Of course there are successful relationships that started at "love at first sight", but these are few and far between, and unfortunately with PTSD, many of sufferer/supporter relationships start out with these intense type feelings, and then reality sets in. This is what has happened to you.

Go on with your life without this guy. He has stopped taking his meds, and he is angry. Until he deals with his own self, by himself, he is not relationship material. As well, his possessiveness about HIS stuff when you were a contributor in the house sends up other red flags outside of PTSD. Leave him alone, do not contact, get out with your friends, your family and regardless of where your relationship goes, make a life separate for yourself. Good luck.
 
Thanks nurse nurse for your comment! I do struggle with the "is this ptsd or is he just an ass" so I look forward to my time to myself
 
:hug: cknep1 - this is a crummy situation to be sure. The way he is treating you is horrible. I'm glad you are here and reaching out for support.
I do struggle with the "is this ptsd or is he just an ass"
That question does pop up here quite a bit. It's a question j ask myself about my own family member with PTSD. The thing is, even if it is PTSD, the response should be all the more to not allow it to continue in your life. What he is doing is working for him, just enough.

I think it is time to show him some consequences for his choice to not seek treatment - this is important for his sake, and yours. NONE of his behavior is your fault, and you deserve someone who will treat you much better than this. That being said, please don't stay in order to support him, because it's bad for you and not actually supportive to stay when someone chooses to not get treatment or take any real, and lasting, responsibility for their actions.
 
Thanks tree huger,
I do think back a lot and wonder what the hell did "I" do to trigger this but then I go wait he's the one who stopped doing his treatments and kept saying he will. His behavior is incredibly unacceptable and I'm at the point where I know I deserve better. It's that feeling of knowing this isn't gonna work if he won't take the steps but I just really didnt want to believe it. Ugh soo much emotions
 
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