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Trying to avoid traumatic streets

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NoName

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After knowing a long time that I never really felt comfortable in my hometown, having so many uncomfortable memories on the same streets (that I could one day describe in a diary). But since time has passed and once having the accomplishment that I managed to move out from the environment only to be forced back time later. In present I'm relieving bad memories as I haft to realise that I'm back at the streets where the awful memories began(has been a real torture mentally)

So. . .
I would like to know if anyone else feels the same about trying to avoid locations where the memories still resides? no matter how much you try to tell yourself that it's not the same anymore. Those streets are literally hell for me as I haft to walk on them as I go grocery shopping or taking a walk. To me it feels like a prison being stuck with the voices and flashbacks intruding on my self-esteem and especially PTSD. I can't fight it no matter how much I try. I feel so cornered and trapped entering those streets 24/7. This did not happen to me when I lived abroad since I adapted to a completely new setting and lifestyle, but in this hometown. Ive been on these streets ever since the trauma began. Nothing's new, everything in order over here.
 
In present I'm relieving bad memories as I haft to realise that I'm back at the streets where the awful memories began(has been a real torture mentally)

I wish I could avoid passing some houses and places but they are on the way home, when I lived in the mountains I had to pass places and I never healed the memories there. It was actually exposure therapy against my will that I never got used to it.

Once I was able to move away, I was free of those memories on a daily basis. But having lived in one place and I hated living there so much, and there was one person who lived there that I had issues with did not help at all. On the way home I have to pass that place and I try to look on the other side of the street and although it still bothers me somewhat, I am actually doing so much better because I now have the thought that thank God I moved far away from there and will never again see that toxic greedy person.

I cannot imagine how you are coping and managing the triggers with original abuses that happened there. Are you in therapy? I was not in therapy but am returning next month. I think I will talk to my therapist about this. I am so relieved that you put this topic up. All of the places that I could not avoid, were done by traumas when I was an adult.
 
I would say, don't try to fight them (the memories) so much. They're just thoughts if you gotta cry one day or whatever there is a process of acceptance. But I have different trauma I believe so don't take my opinion as much other than words. Part of me believes the longer we avoid, avoid, avoid and fight the thoughts the tougher it becomes than just to let it be and breath through it. I can't go back to Afghaniland in those areas to experience it but one outside the military trauma you could call it I suppose. (Although I hold it in low regard to actual physical trauma) But it does bring memories is, there was a news report of a local veteran, A ranger who went missing here in my town. There were no search parties, no combined effort to find this veteran. I used to work at the same place but never knew him personally. But I had a lot of respect for him and unlike me he had a wife and kids.

I decided to go look for him with my dog and at the last leg of my search I found him in the most unexpected spot, he was under a bridge literally right down the road from my home. He had shot himself and I was the first to find him. Everyday I leave I have to pass over this bridge and I am reminded of him. I say a prayer for him and my respects in my head as I pass but ultimately I have to pass over that bridge. The imagery pops up but as with anything over time it lessens emotionally wise.
 
I still live in the same area where the majority of my traumas took place and must ride by places of painful significance to me on a regular basis. I had/have to work really hard to retrain my brain to definitely recognize it for what happened to me, but to also see it for what it was before the assholes who decided to harm me in those particular vicinities did what they did. It's them I'm truly angry with, not the space itself.

It hasn't been easy, but the sting has definitely lessened over the years. I try to view it as yet another battleground site of my own, so to speak, and give thanks when I pass it by that I'm still here to share what I've learned. Otherwise, I'd think myself into a state of misery I can't afford to reside in any longer. When/if ever possible, I also like to toss seeds about those spaces in hopes of flowers growing their roots, sharing their beauty, and thriving in spaces I wasn't ever allowed to.
 
Reading all of these responses and discussing this subject is very interesting and even though it's awful it feels good to know that we can understand one another and share our thoughts here.

@Rain Yes I've been to many therapists, but I'm not intending to visit another one anytime soon. I'll stick to my mentor and work on my own self growth by doing more things and activities I was too anxious to try out before. I'm ready to take action
 
No. I did exposures and kept it up til it normalized. Anthony's got a one page tip sheet here somewhere.

I buck hard against anything that drives stress/distress/anxiety and makes my world smaller.

Here it is: Ptsd Therapy - One Page, As Simple As It Gets
I actually employed it before coming here from a rape crisis counselor after I told her straight up I had no interest in sitting in counseling for as long as the other group members 2-7 years. But we had a member recently do exposure with her therapist as well and I'll give you that post in edit as well.

Added: Location exposure - why did you go & did it help you?

Here's the thing... avoidance seems like a good thing in the short term... however, in the longer term, as life happens it becomes maladaptive and can really become a serious detriment. In recovery circles other peeps called the maladaptive coping stuff the "law of descending consequences" (if you continue to do what you do and continue to use avoidance, life will still happen and you will unnecessarily complicate things because you choose to give avoidance a priority in your life). It doesn't take much to see that a habit or behavior for avoidance and seeking short term comfort rather than address the problem would lead to, ultimately, a diminished and reduced life.
 
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