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Trying To Heal From Spiritual Abuse

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My therapist recently told me, "You were definitely spiritually abused by your father." His statement actually confirms what I already knew. So many times, I've wished that my dad was an atheist, because then he would have left God out of it.

I've been having trouble praying. I'm pretty open with God about it. My prayer consists of, "God, I don't trust you. I'm afraid of you." I figure He already knows this.

I want to overcome this. I want to have a good relationship with God but it makes me feel sick to think about. Sex and abuse and God have all been twisted and blurred together to the point where I can't separate them, at least right now.

I'm wondering if anyone has any resources for healing from this? I tried to find a book on the subject but they all seem to condemn religion altogether. Intellectually, I believe that God is love and that He is good. In my heart, I don't feel that way. I'd like my beliefs to match my feelings.
 
I am so sorry to hear of your experiences and the massive effect which this has had on your relationship with God.

I cannot say that I know any good books specifically addressing the issue of spiritual abuse, but two books came to mind as I read your post, both of which are published by sovereign world books. One is called 'loved like never before - the father heart of God' and is by Ken Symington, and the other is called Sarah - written under the pseudonym of Sarah Shaw, and is about her story of recovery and healing from abuse and her relationship with God.

Both of these books I have found very beneficial in my own journey and would definitely recommend looking them up to see if you feel they may be helpful to you on your journey too.

God bless
Helen
 
It's difficult not to have horrible associations with anything, when an abuser has represented themselves as being identified with it. That's only natural, and I hope you aren't beating yourself up over it, as in "I must be a bad person for my lack of faith/lack of ability to trust God, etc. It sounds as though, you understand the dynamics of the problem, however--as you are, in fact, not only continuing to pray, but to take that lack of faith/trust to God in prayer. I forget the verse, but I do recall an instance in the Bible (I assume you're referring to a Christian God), when upon being approached by a man requesting that he heal his daughter (or was it son), Jesus replied that the man's faith was lacking...to which the man responded "Help my lack of faith". At which point, Jesus then did, in fact, heal the man's child. So it would seem that, in the act of admitting one's lack of faith to God, and requesting that God help one even in this...that one is proving their faith by virtue of that very act of openness, trust, and dependence, itself.

The way I look at it is this: Humans screw up pretty much everything they touch. It doesn't have anything to do with God, or the universe, or "Goodness not existing in the world" as a result of that fact...or whatever it is any given person is representing themselves as being is, itself, lacking in veracity, legitimacy, or credibility.

For example, take Einstein's formula for relativity...E=MC2 (squared...don't know how to get the superscript to work on my computer, at the moment. If you were to give this formula to the average person, and ask them to prove it mathematically, themselves...what would you most likely get? Well, unless the person was an accomplished post-grad mathematician....you would just get a bunch of gobbledy-gook. But does that have anything to do with whether the equation, itself, is legitimate, or not? Of course not. Just that the person asked wasn't any good at "carrying it out".

So same thing applies, in my mind.

But that's easy to say, I know. It's much harder to transfer into one's experience of the thing, itself. As they say, the longest distance is the distance from your forehead to your heart. Just "knowing something" intellectually, doesn't change the way you feel about it. It would be nice if it did, but it doesn't. At least not that, alone.

But I think it's the necessary place to start for that eventual change to take place...kind of like the fact that turning a key in a lock doesn't, of itself, open the door. That comes after. But until it's unlocked, the door's not opening, at all.

So in other words...I think the "solution" (if one could call it that), lies in a combination of the "perspective change" as the key in the lock...plus patience of just allowing this change to gradually set in, and take over, in time...just as a matter of actually opening the door takes an elapse of the time necessary for you to physically swing it open...as opposed to the turning of the lock, which is just an instant "flick". It's the two in combination, in my experience, that are necessary...just as accomplishing most things. Just setting a box of cake mix in the oven and turning it on doesn't get you a cake, after all. It's a two part process.

It's a popular refrain that "More atrocities have been committed in the name of religion than anything else". But I think that's missing the point--maybe that's only because religion has been the one consistent factor across all civilizations, since the beginning of time. The plain fact is...human's are pretty good at committing atrocities in the name of pretty much whatever excuse they come up with, whatever it happens to be. The commission of "atrocities" may be one of the few factors that unite all humans, their organizations of culture/society, since the dawn of time. And it's not exactly specific to religion, after all. So it's not the religion, in other words--just that humans can be pretty atrocious, all around.


But, of course, they can be loving and supportive and selfless, as well. And while it's not as popular a saying...I think more love and support and selflessness has come-about under the inspiration of faith/religion than maybe anything else as well. Just doesn't sound as cool to say so, I guess.

So sorry for your experience, truly. Predatory people screw up everything they're associated with for those upon whom they prey, I think. But when it's the idea of God as benevolent, and so, therefore, one's faith, in general...that may be the worst, most all-encompassing blow.

So glad you continue to pray, and seek. Hope you'll pray, as well, that your faith may be increased...and that seeing that faith, in so doing, you too will be healed, as was the child of the parent in the above verse.

Be well.
 
I had to form a new concept of God. It wasn't exactly "spiritual abuse" for me... as my parents were secular, but they sent me to bible school and various churches solo or with my younger brother. I was not locked in, ultimately to my initial conception.
 
I just wanted to add that though my abuse was not spiritual, I also have struggled a lot with my relationship with God, and the whole thing of seeing how any father can be safe and really loving, is something I am still very much working through and learning to feed more and more into the levels where I cannot feel it yet and still feel so scared, but I know always that God has been so gentle, understanding and compassionate, and really does see and know what your heart is and why you find it so hard, and I really do know that it is true that the bible says that when we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us, and that He really is so safe and will never force Himself on us, but that He also understands so much when our experiences make it so hard to draw near to Him.

I may have shared it in here before but one time I heard a true story which has often really helped me when I have been in that place where I am struggling so much and in it a group of hostages were huddled together and totally terrified, but a group of soldiers came in to free them. They saw them with their guns and armour and were still so terrified and would not leave at all, but one of them realised their fear and so he put down his gun and armour and went and joined them in the place they were at in the huddle, and from that place they began to really realise that he was safe and he was then able to get up and lead them to safety.

In many ways I find this story so reassuring as I really believe it represents so much what God is like and that He really did come down to take from us our suffering and meet us right in the middle of it in the place we are at, and it just shows me so much how He really does understand and is not angry at all with our fear, but really does have such a gentle compassion for us and really will always be so so safe and never turn on us at all.

Hope this helps a bit, and am praying that more and more you are able to draw that bit closer and closer to God, and discover more and more that He really is faithful and true and that you really can always find true safety in Him.

God bless
Helen
 
For what it's worth, my father was an atheist who was quite proficient at spiritual abuse. His "sex education" was loudly a mission to save us from religious fanaticism, along with many other spiritually abusive veins. The man could bash a child's faith in self and ice cream. Near as I can tell, the damage of spiritual abuse is quite similar, no matter the name of the Ism. I am so sorry you have this struggle in your life.

Alanon and AA both have wonderful approaches to spiritual healing which has helped many with this crisis. It is a very gentle approach to spirituality.

Hope you find something that works for you, radical. I know I am doing better with faith enough to keep going on the days that I have no proof that anything will be okay.
 
because then he would have left God out of it.

Man this is a powerful statement! Made me stop dead in my tracks. Thank you @radicalgratitude .

I am wondering if "Conversations with God: would be a help to you at all. Also, I found that the book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl very helpful and although not specifically about religion instead addresses the issue of how people can survive horrendous circumstances (Nazi concentration camps) just due to the fact that they found meaning in their survival.
 
@radicalgratitude, I wonder if it needs to be a book specifically about spiritual abuse?

The most helpful resource I've found is an audio recording "Transforming Trauma: A Seven-Step Process for Spiritual Healing" by Caroline Myss and James Finley. It isn't about healing from spiritual trauma specifically, but about spiritual issues as a trauma survivor and in the wider sense of how we as the human race are traumatising our own societies and planet.

It draws on wisdom from different religions with the focus on the wisdom not the religion. It's more about a personal relationship with spirituality, and the world. It's quite intense and on the mystical side so probably not everyone's cup of tea.

I also like "Life of the Beloved" by Henri Nouwen, which is quite different. It's a very honest, simple, straightforward book about trying to hold on to and practice beliefs about God and ourselves. It's from a Christian perspective and the setting is dated - it was contemporary in the 1960s I think. But I still like it.

I think it's so individual what each of us will find helpful. But I wonder if you looked more at general spiritual healing and mind/body/spirit titles maybe you'd find something that would be helpful to you in what you're aiming for.
 
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I was also spiritually abused and it has taken me many, many years to recover from it. I am a spiritual person that has faith in God but I will never again go to a church because I was so badly branded by one. I do not believe in religion at all. I think it is so awful what happened to you.

I have a bunch of books about spiritual abuse but they are all at my house and I live with my daughter.

When I first started therapy, I thought I would lose my faith, but I did not.

You have so much healing and recovery to do.

God already knows what is in our hearts so we may as well be honest about how we think and feel about him.

Hugs and prayers for your healing.
 
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you are recovering well. I am familiar with the situation of having a parent use religion to prompt feelings of guilt and to degrade self esteem. I saw my parent say cruel things to a sibling (making it seem like God was saying it) years later after i moved out of their house. When i was little this parent would say the same things to me. I am a christian today, and i love Jesus because i know that what my parent said to me years ago was just lies and not truly of God. It was all from the corrupt flesh. I have trouble relating to most Christians that i know, and i am very wary about gatherings and groups of Christians because right now i am experiencing some negativity from other Christians. you just gotta hang in there and realize that, your father did not have a true comprehension of what Jesus love really is. It was only darkness from the flesh in him that was trying to bring you down. Have you ever heard of Joyce Meyer? She wrote a book that i read called Beauty for Ashes. I think it might be able to help you a little. she went through a lot of hard times from her father, and shares her testimony and how she came to forgive him for a lot of bad things. I hope you walk on in strength and don't let any religious zealot corrupt people try to bring you down.
 
My therapist recently told me, "You were definitely spiritually abused by your father." His sta...
To be honest, I'm not sure if my opinion is useful to you. As a PTSD patient, I don't believe in gods, let alone any religions. That doesn't mean I believe or believe in nothing. I believe in myself, and my friends around me. Reason 1 is that everyone must have some level of self-belief, and reason 2 is that in my country (Taiwan) people with mental illness are discriminated (sometimes even laws discriminate us), so friends are treasure to me. So, if you have trouble with that, maybe it is a good idea to separate tyour connection with religion.
 
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