LoveAVictim
New Here
Hi there,
I personally do not suffer from PTSD, however, am close to somebody who is and need advice.
I've known this guy for 9 years. We are very close. We dated for a year previously, but he ended it very suddenly and without reason a few years ago. We recently decided to take our relationship from friendschool to dating again. He frequently reminds me that I'm one of the few people he trusts, and the only one who hasn't hurt him in some way, and that he deeply cares. He's aware that I'm deeply in love with him.
He had a history of physical, emotional, and mental abuse as a child. He has been married twice, both women who were abusive and in my opinion psycho. He is a war vet as well.
We recently had a serious discussion about our relationship as he's back and forth with how he acts emotionally. He told me that me being so "normal" and "good to him" makes him uncomfortable. He expects to subconsciously sabotage the relationship. He says that chaotic abusive relationships are comfortable for him. He gets distant because he's so scared of unintentionally hurting me. The way he described it is as as a crazy paradox: the one thing he wants he can't function in.
All of this surprisingly makes sense to me. Maybe it's after being allowed in his head through all of these years. I'm not willing to walk away for something easier so quickly. However, I'm at a loss as to how to help and support him through this. I want to try to push him to see what he deserves and to show him that he can have something good. He doesn't know how I can help him. I've been holding back a lot of normal relationship things for fear of pushing too hard (I miss/thinking of you's, sharing verbally how I feel although he already knows, initiating physical contact and only going wit b it when he starts). Maybe I need to do the opposite?
Can somebody who has been through this please give some advice? I'm at a loss and it's killing me. Have you been with somebody who was similar? Were you that person?
I personally do not suffer from PTSD, however, am close to somebody who is and need advice.
I've known this guy for 9 years. We are very close. We dated for a year previously, but he ended it very suddenly and without reason a few years ago. We recently decided to take our relationship from friendschool to dating again. He frequently reminds me that I'm one of the few people he trusts, and the only one who hasn't hurt him in some way, and that he deeply cares. He's aware that I'm deeply in love with him.
He had a history of physical, emotional, and mental abuse as a child. He has been married twice, both women who were abusive and in my opinion psycho. He is a war vet as well.
We recently had a serious discussion about our relationship as he's back and forth with how he acts emotionally. He told me that me being so "normal" and "good to him" makes him uncomfortable. He expects to subconsciously sabotage the relationship. He says that chaotic abusive relationships are comfortable for him. He gets distant because he's so scared of unintentionally hurting me. The way he described it is as as a crazy paradox: the one thing he wants he can't function in.
All of this surprisingly makes sense to me. Maybe it's after being allowed in his head through all of these years. I'm not willing to walk away for something easier so quickly. However, I'm at a loss as to how to help and support him through this. I want to try to push him to see what he deserves and to show him that he can have something good. He doesn't know how I can help him. I've been holding back a lot of normal relationship things for fear of pushing too hard (I miss/thinking of you's, sharing verbally how I feel although he already knows, initiating physical contact and only going wit b it when he starts). Maybe I need to do the opposite?
Can somebody who has been through this please give some advice? I'm at a loss and it's killing me. Have you been with somebody who was similar? Were you that person?