DesertDweller
Confident
Hey all,
I am having an issue with "support". I am starting to believe that I am being tolerated instead of supported. Let me explain, I feel when you are being supported someone understands your problem and is sympathetic towards it, not just puts up with you. I feel I am not understood. There are few people that I trust enough to talk to, most are colleagues at work since they have seen the obvious change in me and are concerned. But even those people are few. On a personal level outside of the work place I feel that I am not understood. It seems that it is known that I have a "problem" but everyone has their own opinion or "diagnosis" of what is wrong with me.
I think I have decided to take some time off. I think I defiantly need it. I just don't know when. That was a tough decision for me. Most everyone around me has told me to take the time off and take care of myself because health is paramount. Those people are more concerned over my health and the big picture instead of the current situation I believe. I have spoken in my prior posts about how I know that if I don't get better now I will only prolong the problem and really not solve any of my issues and continue to suffer in the work place and my personal life where if I go and take care of my issues now I have a better chance of going back to a "normal" lifestyle.
Well, here is my issue. I keep bringing the time off deal up in my posts and I have really bugged the hell out of those around me asking for advise. I have gotten a fairly similar response from every one..... but one person. This happens to be the person whose opinion matters the most. I feel this person is more worried about me leaving work than me. I am sure that income has a part to do with it, but that is understandable. the part that bugs me is that I am being told that I would waste away the time of and be lazy and not do anything productive with the time off so all and all, there would be no benefit to the time off. I can see where the lazy part would come from, since every chance I get i try to detach myself from reality and get observed into either my art (sketching/drawing/graphic design) or 'vege in front of the TV. I can see how that could become annoying to someone especially when there is alot to be done. On the other hand it seems to me that my health doesn't mean as much as me staying at work and living the way I do now without making a change. This is where the tolerating not understanding part comes in. They tolerate this, at times may i add, but don't understand what goes on in my head and that my mind feels like it is going a million miles an hour and at the same time I cant concentrate on a given thing to save my life. I much rather be understood than tolerated and to be honest I am getting rather annoyed and fed up. I hate being told that someone understands what I am going through when in reality they don't, why say you do when you don't? If you say you don't I am more understanding of you in return and don't get as upset because I know you don't know what I am going through so wont expect much understanding.
It seems to be that I say that "I cant take this anymore " about once a day. I don't like saying that, in fact I down right hate saying that and wish it didn't have to be this way, but I really feel that way. I can feel so alone in a room full of people,
"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift of life is yours, .... and you alone are responsible for the quality of it"
- Dan Zandra
I am having an issue with "support". I am starting to believe that I am being tolerated instead of supported. Let me explain, I feel when you are being supported someone understands your problem and is sympathetic towards it, not just puts up with you. I feel I am not understood. There are few people that I trust enough to talk to, most are colleagues at work since they have seen the obvious change in me and are concerned. But even those people are few. On a personal level outside of the work place I feel that I am not understood. It seems that it is known that I have a "problem" but everyone has their own opinion or "diagnosis" of what is wrong with me.
I think I have decided to take some time off. I think I defiantly need it. I just don't know when. That was a tough decision for me. Most everyone around me has told me to take the time off and take care of myself because health is paramount. Those people are more concerned over my health and the big picture instead of the current situation I believe. I have spoken in my prior posts about how I know that if I don't get better now I will only prolong the problem and really not solve any of my issues and continue to suffer in the work place and my personal life where if I go and take care of my issues now I have a better chance of going back to a "normal" lifestyle.
Well, here is my issue. I keep bringing the time off deal up in my posts and I have really bugged the hell out of those around me asking for advise. I have gotten a fairly similar response from every one..... but one person. This happens to be the person whose opinion matters the most. I feel this person is more worried about me leaving work than me. I am sure that income has a part to do with it, but that is understandable. the part that bugs me is that I am being told that I would waste away the time of and be lazy and not do anything productive with the time off so all and all, there would be no benefit to the time off. I can see where the lazy part would come from, since every chance I get i try to detach myself from reality and get observed into either my art (sketching/drawing/graphic design) or 'vege in front of the TV. I can see how that could become annoying to someone especially when there is alot to be done. On the other hand it seems to me that my health doesn't mean as much as me staying at work and living the way I do now without making a change. This is where the tolerating not understanding part comes in. They tolerate this, at times may i add, but don't understand what goes on in my head and that my mind feels like it is going a million miles an hour and at the same time I cant concentrate on a given thing to save my life. I much rather be understood than tolerated and to be honest I am getting rather annoyed and fed up. I hate being told that someone understands what I am going through when in reality they don't, why say you do when you don't? If you say you don't I am more understanding of you in return and don't get as upset because I know you don't know what I am going through so wont expect much understanding.
It seems to be that I say that "I cant take this anymore " about once a day. I don't like saying that, in fact I down right hate saying that and wish it didn't have to be this way, but I really feel that way. I can feel so alone in a room full of people,
"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift of life is yours, .... and you alone are responsible for the quality of it"
- Dan Zandra