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Up and Down! Hubby Struggling With PTSD Course

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Jen, Nov 8, 2006.

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  1. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Well hubby going through range of emotions this week Monday seemed pretty good talkative said that at the clinic he couldnt shut up.
    Yesterday Tuesday only lasted half a day said he felt like crap went home to bed at lunchtime.
    Today Wednesday very touchy sitting having a cuppa this afternoon he started to get shaky.
    Very irritable I could have ripped his head of a couple of times.(Walk away Jen)
    He said Martha said next week is going to be a hard week as he may relive some trauma. I hope he hangs in there with this.
    Jen
     
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  3. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Jen, tell him to toughen up and get with it. Tell him, there is no magic cure to this, only he can fix himself with the help off others. If he feels a bit down and takes time off that course, he misses out on general course bonding, where most of the trauma really comes out between participants. A lot of the work is done outside the classroom, together in the group.
     
  4. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Yeh I know Anthony I feel that he was crook yesterday was because of the way he was the day before like opening up and talking he just cant seem to handle showing his feelings to much. He said that he told Martha that he feels he cant tell me to much about how he is feeling as he doesnt want to upset me. He said she said she knows that it is hard to talk to the wife. He knows he can talk to me.
    Jen
     
  5. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Anthony I told him that you said he musnt miss any more of the course he said he knows.
    Fingers crossed we just had a bit of a chat and he said he mentioned you to Martha she said she knows you and its good that I am on participating in the forum as I cant go the clinic because of work. Hey they eat all right to I might go over for lunch one day:smile:
     
  6. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Jen,

    It will get tough for him but remind him its not the same situation as experiencing the trauma for the first time. He's at home, he has your support and support of the other course members.....the trauma is the same, the environment in which he has to deal with it is different. Stand your ground with him and don't let him cop out because he is unwell. Yeah, he's unwell because he has PTSD and he needs to learn to manage it - not cope, manage!!

    Good idea for you to go over at lunch time. The support for spouses will be good for you too!! If lunch is all you can do than that is better than nothing. I couldn't attend the whole course either because Alexander was still a little bub, not long crawling and still breastfed but I went when I could. Its for you too!! Ask Martha about getting a copy of the spouses workbook also. Is it possible for you to at least attend the interpersonal relationship sessions? Anne is really good. It helps you see it from the other perspective.

    Anyhow Jen, must go to be before I get into strife about being up too late. He's right of course and I appreciate his concern. Its a nice change.
     
  7. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Opening up emotionally is tough at the best of times for any bloke, I understand that fully, as I have been there. It is exactly what he thinks it is Jen; its about exposing our own vunerabilities and accepting that its ok to do so. He must remember that he is within a controlled environment, not at the pub or the like. If one opens up, the rest often open up, nature of the beast. Tell him to not be shy, just throw himself into that course, vunerabilities and all, and just allow them to take good care of him, because Martha and her team only have the groups best interests at heart, nothing more, nothing less. Remember though, its only week 3 into the course, and lots of things occur to people by around week 5 that they never thought they would discuss. Its amazing, kinda like watching peer group pressure all over again, though in a good sense this time.
     
  8. Tammy

    Tammy Active Member

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    Dear Jen

    My partner and I also did the course with Martha and the gang, and the partner sessions really did help me. I understand that you may not be able to get time off from work to attend though; I just wanted to let you know that if you ever feel the need to talk to other partners face to face I am still in Townsville. I may only be 21 but I live with the same things you do. I am here for you if you need me to be.
     
  9. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Thanks very much Tammy for your offer I have a great circle of friends who are there for me if I need to talk just dont get much time.
    21 gee my daughter is 23 you are young to be putting up with what you are! My daughter still lives at home she is my rock we get on really well.
    I dont see her much as she works shift work.
    Thanks again Jen
     
  10. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kerri Anne hubby said Martha is getting the spouses together on a Friday soon which I should be able to go and he can look after business hopefully for a couple of hours anyway.
    I was thinking about what you said about going in at lunchtime one day.
    This may sound a bit heartless but I just dont want to!
    I just hate the way he is at the moment and I think he has burnt me a bit and I am not really enjoying his company. I know it may be good for me but I will try and get to just the spouses day.
    Jen
     
  11. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Oh Jen,

    You don't have to hang around your hubby at lunch. I used to eat mine with Anthony sometimes but most of the time with the girls. It would really be good for you to meet some other local support, trust me they know exactly where you are coming from. This course is not just about your husband!! There were plenty of times that Anthony ticked me off while he was on the course, its all real scary for them even though they won't admit it. What about what you need?

    Anyhow, that's my bent on it - the spouses day sounds like a really good idea!! Take care of you.
     
  12. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Sorry Guys I really need to have a whinge here.
    Hubby comes into work I had by mistake transferred some money from one account to another to pay bills. When I realised I had used the wrong account after talking to the bank I told him we will have to use our savings account to cover the house payment with intention of repaying the money in next week when cheques clear.
    Well he went off " I hate this business I hate not having money etc!!"
    I said dont worry it is fixable the money will go in next week.
    He can hate the business as much as he likes but it is not going to go away we are stuck with it for a few years plus I enjoy it so he may as well get used to it.
    Anyway the sulks are on tonight I might go and have a game of golf tomorrow because I bet you $10000 bucks he will be sick and wont want to get out of bed after being so stressed this afternoon. I was so cranky today I wish he would give me a bit of credit instead of going of when I make a mistake:mad:
     
  13. permban0008

    permban0008 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Did you tell him that Jen? Perhaps you should, all too often we shut up to keep the peace but feel like screaming from the inside out. Might do him good to hear some home truths!
     
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