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Veiled's Mental Imagery

Discussion in 'General' started by permban0077, Jan 1, 2007.

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  1. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    WARNING: If you plan on submitting your own mental imagery interview for assessment, DO NOT read the proceeding first, instead fill out your own interview first, then read these, so your current mental image is not skewed, resulting in a possible inaccurate emotional state being returned to you.

    This is not the same as I did before but I see how they change and duely noted I dumped the program and have not looked at my own results, having my books that are outdated can jack me up when I read them! But back to my current road as of tonight / morning.

    This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

    Q1. What colour is the road? My road is purple
    Q2. What texture is the road?Very rocky, it is still a dirt road with rocks that you need to be cautious of your step
    Q3. How solid is the road?I say solid

    You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

    Q4. How do you cross the river?bridge
    Q5. What does the water look like?clear
    Q6. How fast is the water current?very swift and fast
    Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what?Nothing but rocks in the river bottom

    You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

    Q8. What colour is the house? Log cabin
    Q9. What condition is the house in?lived in and could use some work
    Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who?A lonely widower/old man

    We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

    Q11. What colour is the cup?It is an off white, it used to be white but is aged and so not a bright white (an old coffee cup)
    Q12. What condition is the cup in? It is beaten up and broken but most of it there, more like a piece is missing
    Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what?dirt

    You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

    Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail?I see a big bear, I see his teeth and hear his growl, his large paws
    Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle?Nothing is past it as I can only see the bear
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Now you have had a break, go back to every question and look at your response. Try and find what you feel that your mind presented the image it did. Explain colours you chose, textures, water, cup, solids, liquids, space, objects, people, anything and everything that you wrote from your projected image, try and find what you feel to why you have that image. Don't look hard at things, instead try and look for the easy answers, as they are often the correct one's. Don't attempt to find something that isn't present, just look at each aspect for its absolute simplicity.

    This is not an absolute, but something you must do in order to try and self analyse yourself. This is important. Please answer what you can, and simply define if you cannot find an emotion to a response you gave.

    My road is purple as it is really standing out with me as a color associated with my younger children. My son who stayed behind in Texas had a purple X-mas tree he picked out. It was covered in purple ornaments. He told me on the phone today that he got some "moon sand" and it was purple. My 3yo peeled her crayon paper off and it happened to be purple and there is purple shreds of paper all over my floor I need to pick up. Today purple has just seemed to jump out, though not a color I like.

    The road, It feels solid, as in not muddy, and not getting stuck, but I need to proceed cautiously as to not lose my footing like you can do on rough terrain. You can hurt yourself if not cautious. I guess how I see life, you have to watch your step and calculate it. Going trail blazing in some rough areas when younger I know the wrong step can be bad, much like other lessons learned in life.

    I see myself crossing a bridge. It does not look like the most sturdy thing but makes a lot more sense to go over the water than in. I have again fallen into a fast moving river and thought I would drown during a hiking trip.

    The water is clear... Just seems to make sense. The rocks below I see are slick I would think and do not want to step on them.

    The water is too fast. I feel if I stepped in I may be swept away. I have a hard time trying to see my emotion in this to analyze as I see when I was swept down river. I had started to cross and the water was only knee high but the current was so fast. But it seems many things in life I get caught up and go fast. I lose control.

    The log cabin. It feels like a part of me. It is actually my dream home. A cabin in the woods would seem like paradise to me. Smelling a nice warm fire going to take away the chill in the air. Though smelling fire is something that bothers me, it is when I do not know where it is coming from. A fireplace is or bonfire I enjoy. I enjoy seeing flames licking the air. It is a bitter sweet for me.

    I don't think I would want a new home. But a broken in cabin that needs a little fixing is not bad. Maybe I see myself as needing a little fixing but do not feel bad for it. It is still sturdy like most cabins are.

    The widower in the home. I do not know him but maybe he is how I see me. I see him as a widower as I see lace curtains. Not something an old man would hang and he is alone. They seem peaceful to me but seem lonely as he is there alone. He does not want to come out but stay inside the security of his home. He does not enjoy his world, which is much how I see myself. Alone in this as I can say how I feel till blue in the face to my family but they cannot understand this. You cannot unless you felt this.

    The cup is stuck in the ground. It needs a tug to be pulled free. It has been there a while. How I see myself? Cannot say. It is somewhat broken and long forgotten. Once pulled free I see cob webs and dirt. What ever it held is long forgotten too. How I feel aged and used and tossed away?

    I think my state of mind is my bear. It has grown. As my panic attacks have increased again and even with good intentions; my in laws inviting us out to do family things and go out I cannot do it and feel pressure. I felt moving would ease some things and it has but it has created more issues now to deal with and it seems my issues just get bigger no matter what I do. Now I am dealing with 2 kids in Texas and having my youngest and oldest. (youngest is being a holy terror) I have to go face the school and register my son, though I know my FIL will handle most of it. Scared to go in as they have at the highschool office seen the toddler run around when I have hit hardest times and she had to stay with them... So do they know I am unwell? What will they think when they see me? Right now the symptoms are growing again and I feel like I am running down a hall that grows longer the faster I run down it... Just cannot get to the end.

    I just simply cannot see past the bear. My focus is this bear. I cannot run, I cannot stand what it may do to me though I know I must face it. I cannot take my eyes off to see where the road leads. I am sure something is behind the bear but not a clue what. I suppose I am so focused on my symptoms and how to fix them I can see nothing else.
     
  4. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    I wanted to add when I was swept down river in real life it was not when I went in the river, I backed out. I fell off a beaver damn... No laughing (you can laugh I set my pants on fire later trying to dry the by the fire :p
     
  5. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Life

    You feel special in some way right now, though you display signs of significant trauma with a feeling that others have dirtied you. Your reference to your children helps bring to light that you have possibly remained in relationships because of your children, or even still do so now, and not because you want to actually be within the relationship itself. I say this because you demonstrated admission by spontaneous negation, in that you have sexual preoccupation and feel entrapment, as you fail to conciously admit this. Your mental image though certainly brings this feeling to light.

    Sexual Relationships

    You demonstrate a marked inhibition towards trusting others. You enjoy sexual interaction with excitement and impulsiveness, and as a result thus demonstrating that you approach sexual relationships without control, but instead under the control of others.

    Support System

    You demonstrate a moderate self esteem, though you feel victimized in life itself, you feel your support system is poor and that you are unappreciated, or depreciated for another term. You feel quite alone to deal with your trauma, and show that nobody can understand unless they too feel what you feel. (Common with PTSD)

    Commitment

    You feel you have been abandoned, used and tossed away within your committed relationship, broken, forgotten and depreciated.

    Most Significant Problem

    You see a person in your life that causes you a paralysis effect within a relationship. You have a fear of being hurt by that person, though knowing you must come to terms with how you truly feel about this person. As you are female, a bear represents this person being a male in your relationship, possibly a spouse or family member.

    Clarification: Is the dirt in your cup wet or dry?

    Mental imagery is not about being 100% accurate on its initial statement, only producing certain known results about examined characteristics. What can you clarify in regard to what is mentioned above, or what do you feel different from your emotional image from the statements you initially provided?

    Added: I forgot... you see little to no future at present, as you cannot see past your current emotional life problems.

    How much of this emotional image represents your current feelings?
     
  6. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Dry... Will have to hit the rest when I have had sleep. Long day and wiped out.
     
  7. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Dry... ok, no change then.
     
  8. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Life- The being in a relationship I'd rather not be in because of children certainly rings true. It is difficult as I have to stay in contact with the ex who did the kidnapping - I thought I had found away around this and it backfired. I got his home number and could call my daughter between school letting out and the time he is off work. He quickly had his home number shut off so now I must speak with him anytime I want to speak with her. It is more than horrible I must be civil with him. To hear his voice send me into an emotional mess before I ever speak to her.

    Same with my younger son. With that ex and the bs. He has to make a sexual remark here or there. Not every single talk but I never know when the bomb will drop. He has made plans to come up to visit and bring my son so I can see him. My husband has given him an open door policy unaware of what the true nature of his actions are with me. Either way I am feeling stuck with both rapists. One who damn near killed me even if only through phone contact is the relationship, and the other even with my move still says things that I quickly put out of my head and cannot recall exactly what was said.

    Sexual preoccupation... Seems no brainer to me honestly. I am so torn and angry over the loss of feeling like my control of myself as a sexual being is gone. It feels gone. I want to be a human and enjoy certain things. I also want to not feel trashed or guilty for those pleasures. It is hard to find that line and feels like I cross it if I am capable of enjoying it. Sex has been nothing but bad and wrong, for me to let go of the pain and enjoy it just does not seem to go hand in hand. For if I do enjoy it I feel guilt straight away. So practically non exsistant sex life as all I can think of during and try to push out of my head this is wrong. To lay down with my husband brings up emotions as if I am sneaking behond his back, I feel I am cheating. Cheating myself? Feeling cheated out of being able to be open? Afraid to beckon my own husband? Unsure. Not sure how I feel special. I know my husband gently and kindly told me we are going to do what ever it takes to make you feel better, not the normal "find the old you". As I don't want the old me. But the way he said it was very nurturing and did bring hope. Hope that he will accept the new me as long as I feel better. The renewed hope of just a statement and a genuine look on his face helped more than he knew.

    The sexual impulsiveness... I do not see that really. I head for the hills when it comes to sexuality. I would rather bury my head in the sand. I have given my heart fast and with excitment years ago. But it has been many years to act with any spontaneity. My relationship now was calculated, the sex leaves me open to guilt.

    Feelings of victimization. I would agree, though I try hard to not admit to myself I feel victimizied. I want to be strong and a survivor, so fken fed up being a victim. I am so afraid of even leaving my own home though as I have the attitude of what will happen next? And it feels like being on the phone and possibly around my ex again soon, even under my own roof... I do feel revictimized. So I would guess that would be accurate. My self esteem does improve and has. I do have more confidence as I have gotten past denying what I have. I have developed a screw you attitude as far as my condition and others reaction to me having it. I really dont seem to care near as much lately that yes, I do in fact have a mental disorder. I am the one who has to live with it... If people do not understand it or what it carries, I am left with little pain over such a loss as it really is not much of one.

    My support system has grown. Lastnight I went with my husband to his parents to setup arrangments for my son to enroll at the high school. Luckily his dad being principal he can do it all. I don't even have to go in the school, my son is to be dropped off and hang out at their house and when the counselor is not busy he will call and my son will just show up and they will take over. My inlaws asked to set my appts. with the new therapist and docs at 4 if possible so she can start driving me. If something happens and it does not work out my FIL offered to take off of work to take me as to let my husband work and not have his schedule interrupted, and they can do this. So the family is really putting forth a team effort to get the ball rolling here.

    Commitment. At times I feel like that with my husband but he normally comes back around. But pretty much every other relationship it feels so. Especially that with the parents. My exs have certainly left that deep feeling with them.

    The bear. I could see this being either ex I have children with. I do again feel stuck. And certainly fear harm - emotional from one and physical from the other though not as strong as when in Texas. The move has eased that but it does not remove the emotional aspect now I have to speak with him, it is like an ongoing torture. But if I cut myself off from them I am cutting myself off from my children. I have been working on how I truly feel about my husband and see my times of doubt are more me doubting myself and self worth. What do I bring to the table as far as the relationship goes? My mind has gone to shit it feels like, I am not as sharp as I once was, my vocabulary has dwindled, I don't know things I used to do with ease... As far as my relationship with my husband it feels the only thing left is the one thing that is wrong. But I am trying to remember I brought love, and if it were not for that could I really say he would still be here with all honesty? I don't think after thinking long and hard the exchange of looking bad, giving up, and leaving would be as bad or as hard as staying.
     
  9. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Anthony, should I be doing like Bec and putting my original "road trip" out? As I have seen it can change as I redid mine for this. Things were different like road color and obstacle. Also, I do not have a second obstacle in my road listed. My off white went to purple, and my coyote turned into a bear.

    I still saw the snakes in the road between the bridge and the house, but did not list it as I was trying to stick with where the guided story took me and list what it asked for so I skipped it...

    But I too would like to be as open and honest about each step and acknowledge that the path does not stay the same. Hell, I don't even think mine would be the same tonight if I tried it again.
     
  10. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    It doesn't really matter veiled, as Bec wanted hers to simply mimic to here, not create a new one. But yes, a person can post them over and over if they want, I think weekly is acceptable for my own time restraints, in which people can see how they change, and how our mind interprets different stressors at any one time. Often the first produces the major and significant trauma, the rest help with all the extra pieces of the puzzle.

    If a person posted one here, that had written nothing lets say, it would describe their current traumatic path, and help them to see what is bothering them, ie. often people in denial.

    Hell, my first suggestion for any new member before they started chatting about their trauma, is to write a mental imagery diary first, and watch just how true to form it can be when done at producing their traumatic past. Its exceptionally good at bringing those subconcious emotions to the surface for us to deal with, instead of constantly eating away at us. In fact, hence why I am so behind this method, I have not seen anything equate to this yet, ever.... they are all slow, they rely on the persons honesty, etc etc, where mental imagery doesn't lie, and often if a person is in deep denial, it will be picked up to already pre-empt the response.

    I guess this is why most of the physicians within the therapy industry fail to recognise the power of this, because it does bring current states to the top, without having to really work for it. The person, as you felt, just doesn't have a chance, because one the image is projected back, it doesn't matter if the person wants to be honest about the response immediately, it will play on their mind so much and force the issues raised to the surface, whether they like it or not.
     
  11. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    another round - keeps changing

    This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

    Q1. What colour is the road? grey
    Q2. What texture is the road?Small pebbles
    Q3. How solid is the road?it isn't, I notice I feel small like a child walking down it

    You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

    Q4. How do you cross the river? A rope, but my legs are feeling caught in the river and I try to hold on to the wet rope, I don't want to cross it, too many trees ahead and I can hear sounds of the swamp I see snakes in the trees but I also see an owl perched ahead, it is scary
    Q5. What does the water look like?it is dark and murky
    Q6. How fast is the water current?loud and fast
    Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what?I cannot see or sense anything

    You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

    Q8. What colour is the house?It is still a log cabin
    Q9. What condition is the house in?Same as before worn but sturdy, I notice I see a planter's urn white with a pink flowered plant. Littlest rosy pink flowers
    Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who?Still the widower, but I see him looking out the window, his hair is white.

    We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it's look, condition and contents.

    Q11. What colour is the cup?red
    Q12. What condition is the cup in? looks to be just muddy, it is in the mud, a strange looking cup, if it were washed it would likely shine like new but it does not strike me as new
    Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what? mud on the in and out side of it from laying in the mud.

    You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

    Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail? It is like an invisible barrier, glass wall...
    Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle? Me. I "see" warmth on the other side, I see the sun shining. I see myself with my natural hair color almost black laying across my back, I see my self in a loose flowy white gown and bare foot in the grass, I see a smile, I see my self as an adult and not the child who just walked the path.
     
  12. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    My road I felt like a child on as I feel like a "here I go again" attitude. I did not want to walk it. I am not sure why I chose grey as the color. Grey mood? I felt like a kid try to keep balanced on the little pebbles that were loose, my road was no where near solid this trip. They sky was gloomy. I hugged myself but I was not cold feeling. I felt more numbed to the weather. Grass looked brown as it dies off for winter around the edges. I am guessing as I wrote and saw the letter I wrote to my parents was read early this morning but no response. It is just another journey and unsure how it will end up and I feel helpless like a child with them again.


    My river... It was not the same one. This one was ugly. How does nature look ugly? My bridge was no where to be found, just a flimsy rope hung across. Wet and worn. I did not want to cross. The water was dark and cannot see what is in there if anything. Turbulant water. I felt I was being drug down by it as I struggle across. Again parents heavy on the mind. I don't want to feel drug down by them again. I could see the most scary looking swampy area and snakes in the trees on the other side, but know I have to go through it as horrible as it feels, maybe much like I see my letter? It was scary but I had to go through with it. I had to send it even if I would rather just hide from it. But I saw an owl too... I think as I had so much pain during a triggered flashback and it was an owl that snapped me out of it, brought me to my senses that night. I am seeing the owl to hopefully stop the pain the way it did that night?

    My house it looks like the old man is trying to spiff it up a little. In the deading grass it looks out of place, but the flower pot put on the steps with pink flowers looked as if he was making an effort... He is trying, he is looking out his window. As he looked out the window he did not look as scary but I still don't want to approach. How I am trying to improve myself and move on? I feel a little better just sending that letter no matter how painful? It got things out that I needed out? A bit of relief showing through my flowers I now see?

    The cup is just odd and very out of place. It does not look right, it is distorted. the shape is all wrong for a cup. I do not know why I chose red. I do not know why it was in the mud. It looked like I could wash it off and it would look new. But still it would not change the distortion of its looks, and I don't really have a desire to wash it but find myself feeling annoyed with mud now on my hands too... I just throw it back down. It is just wrong. I guess I could say how I see my relationship with parents even if I try to heal with them if they do respond and want to heal and acknowledge what they did. I cannot say for sure my relationship will be right and I would feel better to leave it where it is. I don't like the cup anyway... It is just unsavory.

    My obstacle. It is so frustrating. I think it is impatience on my part. I feel like I see another side to this. I can see beyond this now. I have been through the worst of it it feels like so why can't I just walk through this wall? I see a future for me, I see a happy and better me. Something I have been working so hard to get to. I see a grown, happy woman. I see my natrual hair color as I think I see someone, myself, happy in their own skin and in their natural state. I see confidence and independence. I want it so badly... Just cannot quite get there. Again note to parents, I feel like that was one of my last hurdles, I feel like I have really purged so much of myself to heal, and I want their validation to these things... But no response yet. Hubs says it may be days before they respond to that one. I don't think there is anything I have not tried and have processed and want this done so I can move forward. I want to step forward into the warm rays of the sun and be a free person.

    I did notice I typed of myself in third person... I almost went and changed it in that last paragraph, but I am going with first response to get the best result... So no edits. Well, typos.
     
  13. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    You find life confusing and unsteady at present, difficulty like something within you has died even, and a desire to return to a happier time through childhood. You show unsteady trust towards sexual relationships though have been victimized because of them through deception from males, often because you are impulsive to engage within them without seeing the hidden dangers. You are aware your support systems have not been ideal, and have an innocent idealism thinking past support systems may change, most likely parents or family, though present support systems within your life are improving. You are highly emotional and feel unappreciated from deception and lies within commitment, surrounding a sexual preoccupation. You have hidden anger that is causing you current emotional turmoil, though you are optimistic about the future that lay awaiting you.

    Questions to ask yourself:

    * What will be solved by wanting to return to a happier childhood time?

    * What is causing your secret anger, hidden anger? Likely to do with a male figure, sexual aspect.

    * How do you feel lied or decieved by this male figure?
     
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