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Vent On A Rather Intense Day !

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Kathy, Jul 22, 2007.

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  1. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    Oh dear well it has been an absolutely horrid day for Evie, and I felt the need to "vent" about it here. It is not that Jim and I haven't ever dealt with these incidents with Evie before, however today was decidedly intense. Given all the various stresses she's had to endure lately, both good and bad, it was really not a surprise, a major overflow of her PTSD cup was inevitable. However we were not expecting something quite so intensely violent!

    Since we are still feeling rather ill with the flu, our lovely neighbours Larry and Sue have been assisting us. Earlier today Larry made a trip into town for supplies, and Evie accompanied him, as she knows what we need. Unfortunately the grocers was very busy, and Evie doesn't generally do well in busy shops. However Larry remarked that she seemed to be handling herself well, she was exceedingly calm, and so he was completely taken aback by what transpired.

    Whilst Larry and Evie were waiting in line to pay for the items, a man was apparently standing very close behind Evie, likely not meaning to offend her, however Evie does not like people standing so very close. Evie suddenly turned on the man, yelled some obsenities to him about keeping away from her, pushed and struck him! In Canada, that is considered assault, and Evie could be arrested and/or charged. Fortunately the man seemed willing to forgive the incident after Larry spoke with him, and Larry brought Evie home rather quickly. I was in the bath when he related the incident to my husband, and Jim, bless him, did not take the necessary time to ponder the incident, but instead reacted immediately by confronting Evie and scolding her. Evie then threw a huge fit, becoming verbally abusive, struck Jim, shouted how everyone hated her, everything was always her fault and she wished she could die, smashed her fist into a wall and bloodied her hand. She then passed out, and we could not wake her for several minutes. We were almost ready to take her to hospital when she finally came round. She is now crying inconsolably in her room.

    I am quite frustrated with Jim for having confronted her as he did, it was entirely the wrong thing to do and he knows this! I suppose however we are all under stress with being ill and other things that have transpired of late. Still I sorely wish I had been present to intervene. Perhaps things would have not gotten so very out of hand. In any event, I am not expecting any advice here, merely wanted to "vent", so thank you for letting me do so.
     
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  3. wildfirewildone

    wildfirewildone Well-Known Member

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    :hello: I want to let you know that I'm here listening...rant away!!!! ...........DREAMING OF PEACE
     
  4. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

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    Yes vent away Kathy.

    I, too, react the way Evie does in line-ups. I'm rather scary to go shopping with as I freak out every single time someone gets too close. I do okay with Nic, and have so far managed to keep a distance in line-ups. I think the problem is there are people in front and behind, the registers are all squished together, leaving us feeling trapped. Not a good scenario when someone getting too close pushes you over the edge. So if she's feeling bad about reacting that way, she ain't alone!

    Hope she is feeling better soon (and the rest of you!)

    bec
     
  5. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Hi Kathy you poor bugger after reading this that was fairly traumatic for all concerned!
    The bottom line is she is lucky that the guy she struck is willing to forgive and hopefully forget. Its not your fault that you werent there when she came home you didnt know what was to happen and you are entitled to have a bath when you want! Out of this Evie will have a sore hand and will be upset for a while but let her go she will come around in her own time it could have turned out worse. Jim is probably feeling pretty shitty about the whole matter as well!!
    Hang in there!
    Jen
     
  6. ryair

    ryair Active Member

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    Hi Kathy.
    I feel for you.I Know where you are coming from. Women often tend to be the "peacekeepers", and it is hardest when we are not able to do things "our" way. Sometimes though, maybe its not such a bad thing for them to get a mans way of dealing with things.
    Whatever happens, we can only react how we do at the time, and hope we have done the right thing, or fix it if we havent. Tonka is also explosive and I know sometimes it takes a different approach than the mothering one we tend to give, to make them face what they have done.
    Just my thoughts, thankyou for venting though!!! It makes my life dealing with Tonka seem more "normal".
    Its always such a fine line....... And its not like we dont love them or want the best for them.......
     
  7. Jim

    Jim Well-Known Member

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    Yes very difficult day. However. Must agree, Kathleen's way of dealing with matters is better than yours truly's. I tend to order Evie about like one of my soldiers. Only intensifies matters. Have spoken to Evie. She admits her wrong. Happy to say all is calm now.

    Jim.
     
  8. ryair

    ryair Active Member

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    Great to hear Jim!!! Both you and Kathy look after yourselves!!
     
  9. Jen

    Jen Well-Known Member

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    Thats good news Jim glad is settled down for you.
    The amount of times I used to say to hubby the kids and myself are not one of your soldiers on the Parade Ground so dont speak to us like we are he had a problem switching of in to family mode especially when he had been away with the boys for a while.
    Jen
     
  10. jods

    jods Well-Known Member

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    It's never a dull moment!

    Hope you are all doing better today.

    Are you well enough for that hug yet ;)
     
  11. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    Sorry Evie had such a hard time but she is so lucky to have people around her that love her and at least are supportive in her recovery. maybe the stress of everyone being sick and the worry that she might become ill was just to overwhelming. I am glad to hear things have settled down. i wish you better days to come.
    This is just a suggestion and it might seem silly but maybe you could practise what she needs to do in this situation and repeat it over and over until she is comfortable in a safe environment or at least she can re-train herself as to how to react appropriatly because I would hate to see her get charged with assault.kind of like what I have to do with my son.we act out scenarios because he has impulse control issues as well. It works with him and then he feels more comfortable. i am not sure if Evie would think that this is stupid but maybe it might work. just a suggestion. Take Care.
     
  12. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    As Evie would say Jodee, the fun never ends around here! :tongue: We are feeling somewhat better, thank you, though still extremely fatigued.

    I did want to emphasize to all that by venting here I was not trying to demonize Evie at all, merely Jim and I were quite alarmed by the events of yesterday. I do hope no one will hold it against Evie, this or anything else we share about her here. The reality is, she has worked very hard upon herself. She used to have these fits 2-3 times weekly, however this one yesterday was the first she's had in at least a couple of months. She's been under an incredible amount of stress lately, as we all have, but she is the one with PTSD, and also suffers from chronic physical illness, so we honestly do not hold these incidents against her at all. She does extremely well considering all she must deal with. Really I am not certain I would deal with it as well were I in her position.

    I am sorry to report that Evie is doing rather poorly today, running a fever, coughing and shaking, and feeling mentally very depressed. We are taking her to hospital, merely waiting for our neighbours to arrive to drive us. With the weakness still upon us, neither Jim nor I feel comfortable behind the wheel.
     
  13. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

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    This is exactly it pandora. Her PTSD cup has overflowed due to too much stress.

    No not silly at all. In fact she has been practicing this very thing, and she had previously been doing fairly well in shops. I believe yesterday was simply too much for her, and it was bad judgment on our parts to have her accompany Larry. Not to mention, we must admit we did not give her a choice, but rather told her she had to go with Larry. Likely us writing a list for him, and Evie staying home, would have been the better option.
     
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