• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Very depressed again

Status
Not open for further replies.

Kopykat

MyPTSD Pro
i posted here a few weeks ago about my first full flashback, everyone was very helpful, thank you. Now, and for some reason I'm surprised, I have swung back into depression. I've been told I have treatment resistant depression so it's always there, it just gets worse at times. This is one of those times. Basically a walking commercial for an antidepressant...if I had the energy to get up to get dressed and walk. Still having some nightmares related to my attack and I have noticed since my flashback I have an intense fear of being triggered into one again. I find I am just waiting for the day to pass so I can sleep again, I look forward to nothing. My therapist is aware of how I feel. And that's the other thing. I've been in therapy for 5 years and I feel I just keep going in cycles and never exactly get better, not saying it's therapy's fault, I feel like me and my brain are defective or something. I guess I just needed to vent bc I'm tired of being depressed and I am tired of going through the cycles of intense anxiety or listless depression that inevitably leads to suicidal ideations and those get hard to ignore.
 
Hi :) I'm sorry youve been feeling that way:hug: Depression is a struggle, I've been dealing with it myself recently too. I try to find something to do or look forward to each day. Somedays, it's coming on here to chat. Other days, I plan to do something or go somewhere or start a project. I write it down and say, tomorrow, I'm going to do *whatever plan you want* and it's something to look forward to, something to hang on to :) Just having something to do is a big help. :hug: Things will get better:hug:
 
I honestly feel that no one will be surprised if I commit suicide, I have been depressed for so many years, tried so many treatments. I'm not saying that I'm going to do it right now, it's just in the back of my mind.
 
I'm not saying that I'm going to do it right now, it's just in the back of my mind.

I used to feel that way too, I actually tried it once and got scared to death at what I was doing and chose to live no matter what so it is no longer an option for me. I realized that I wanted escape from the pain and depression more than actually wanting to die at my own hands.

I am sorry that you have people in your life that would not be surprised if you did succeed. It makes me wonder kind of people they are that would stand by and remain silent while you are suffering if I am reading you right.

I was in therapy hell for nine years of my life and am getting ready to begin again for new issues. Please choose life, you are so worth fighting for.:hug:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top