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Veteran Hygiene

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Fasoge

My combat PTSD suffering boyfriend only showers once or twice a week. He "washes up" every morning, but I don't know exactly what areas of his body this involves. He doesn't stink and isn't outwardly dirty. He actually smells really good - like licorice, leather, and cigarettes, and on special occasions he wears cologne, which I LOVE! Ooooh, makes me want to jump his bones! He wears clean clothes and washes his hands regularly.

I know soldiers are sometimes forced to go months at a time without being able to clean up. And he's in a good place mentally right now, it's his normal routine and not like he is so anxious or depressed that he can't make the effort to shower.

So, I guess I'm wondering if this is gross. I'm on the fence. I've read people take too many showers anyway. I do every other day and certainly wouldn't wait any longer. How often does your vet shower?

And while I'm on the subject, he always wears ill-fitting sweatpants. They are way too big for him, very baggy. On those cologne worthy special occasions he'll upgrade to track pants. Any suggestions about how I can gently nudge him into jeans when we go out in public? He would look so much better and I can only imagine that would raise his self esteem, if that is even an issue. I'm not exactly embarrassed to be seen with him, but I know he could look so much better with a simple change of pants.
 
there are actually studies that say it's not necessary to shower everyday. i shower daily cuz that's how i was brought up but you'd be surprised to know that lots of people don't. and these people smell just as clean as i do cuz they wash the important parts in the morning
 
My vet showers usually twice a day and sometimes 3 times depending how much he's worked. Personally I dunno I think 2 showers a week is really gross and I don't think I'd be much interested in any physical contact under those circumstances but that's just me.
 
As far as the showering thing, if he doesn't stink, and he is happy, why try to change it?

It doesn't seem to cause any problems in his life at all - if it isn't broken, don't fix it.

Being able to shower every day is a luxury for most of the worlds population.

As far as not dressing up, he may just be the kind of guy who doesn't like to dress up and prefers to go super casual.

It could be a part of low self esteem or depression, but it doesn't sound like it in this case.

I have a guy friend who haws wearing anything but teva sandals. He looks better in other shoes, but it is what it is. It's part of loving him for who he is, "flaws" and areas that could improve and all.

You could try to invite him to go shopping, or buy him a nice pair of pants, and then praise how awesome he looks in them when he tries them on it wears them. Tell him how amazing he looks in them.

Be careful on this though. He may have become tired of wearing what someone else told him or wanted him to wear while in the military...
 
I remember the older generation who would only bathe once a week as it took time to heat up water, fill the tin bath etc as they grew up. They continued the rest of their lifetime with the habit of having a wash in the morning and a bath once a week. I don't ever remember them smelling or suffering from ill health because of it.

Personal hygiene is a personal thing. I personally couldn't handle my partner not showering every day.....but that's my personal hang up. A proper wash in the morning and evening should really be enough for a couple of days.
 
I've noticed combat MOS guys who are used to being out patrolling or in the field a lot tend to have a modified idea of hygiene. My vet is pretty clean and takes care of himself, but if he is being lazy or not feeling well, he can let it go with no issue. "Stank" doesn't bother him. I personally shower every day and might possibly skip a day when I'm being lazy at home... but I just can't stand my hair past the second day.

As long as he isn't offensive smelling and generally clean, I say no problem.
 
I have a hard time with showers for two reasons. One, the shower I was forced to use as a child was gross. I don't think it was cleaned once the entire time I was growing up. Showers make me feel dirty instead of clean. The second was being witness to a friend whose rapists attacked her while she was in the shower.

I never enjoyed taking showers to begin with due as a result of number one, but after number two, I started only showering when I had too. If I wasn't leaving the house that day, why bother? I am clean. The only thing that doesn't get washed is my hair on non shower days. My hair thanks me for it.

My hair and skin used to be super greasy. When I washed my hair every day, I could shower in the morning and my hair would start to get noticeably greasy by 5 pm. Having very fine hair didn't help. Now it takes three days for my hair to start getting greasy. That is when I will take a shower.

The other benefit I noticed was that my skin stopped breaking out around my forehead. My skin over all is healthier. I have a theory that your skin is more susceptible to germs right after a hot shower due to the steam opening your pores and after you just washed away all the protective oils and healthy bacteria from your skin.
 
I really appreciate everyone's input. I guess, I've decided that, for now, it isn't an issue. He does smell incredible and I haven't had any problems with being physical with him. I suppose it's more of a "that's not what I was taught growing up" type situation that made me wrinkle my nose. I must assume that when he "washes up" he must be hitting the important bits, otherwise I'm sure I would have noticed.

@udip I love the idea about casually taking him shopping or just buying him some jeans and telling him how great his ass looks in them. The next problem would be getting him to actually wear the jeans though. So far, I've bought him a few tee shirts, he doesn't wear them even though he likes them and they fit, he thinks once he wears them they'll lose their sentimental value or something. It's a shirt! Wear it!
 
*lol*
My vet showers twice a week, he would never wear anything remotely ill fitting, actually he is always dressed to the nines. He would never go out wearing ill-fitting sweat pants or any sweat pants (unless he works out then he wears sweat pants but they fit well).
 
I have a very hard time showering. It's been discussed to death by various therapists. The vulnerability of being naked, the need to be "aware" of my body as I wash it. Etc. I had one counselor tell me to try baths. I freaked out in the bathtub, thrashing around head under water I made a huge mess in the bathroom. I had flashbacked to a new abuser i hadn't been aware of.

I shower only when I have to. Baby wipes are my best friend. I'll shower maybe twice a week. Usually around when I go see my Marine. Can't be dirty then.

My point is my not showering has nothing to do with laziness or that I'm a messy pig. Showers just take a lot out of me.
 
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