I am looking for some insight and would appreciate feedback.
I have been going to therapy for 2 1/2 years. It's been a very slow road for me. I am in my 50s so have decades of practice at stuffing my feelings, avoidant behavior, dissociation - all that fun stuff. I have made a lot of progress in dealing with my social anxiety and the dissociation has diminished as well. I still tote around anxiety and trust issues and in spite of the time invested, I still have discomfort in therapy and opening up. I like my therapist, she has been incredibly patient and when I tell her I am frustrated she reminds me of the need to go slow with this stuff. She keeps plying me with questions...
So, over time, I have told her everything, although maybe in a hit and run manner, without going into details. A little at a time, as far as I'm concerned. Sometimes when I bring something up now, I feel that rather than delve into details, she wants to focus on the NOW, how I've accomplished so much, etc. I understand that there are some styles of therapy that work that way. She's got a big bag of tricks, so once in a while we do talk about the past.
The other night I had a wicked case of insomnia, so I got up and wrote about the memories that were churning in my head. As one who struggles to talk in therapy, I feel as though this might be good fodder for my next session. On the other hand, since we've already spent time talking about my trauma before, I kind of feel like "boo hoo, I'm a victim, listen to what happened". Perhaps I am discrediting myself and I need to talk about these things versus sluffing it off. Or should I focus on the present and the fact that my current goal is working on trust and intimacy issues. Or maybe I'm simply afraid of surfacing the issues I was writing about...am I thinking to much about this? Thanks.
I have been going to therapy for 2 1/2 years. It's been a very slow road for me. I am in my 50s so have decades of practice at stuffing my feelings, avoidant behavior, dissociation - all that fun stuff. I have made a lot of progress in dealing with my social anxiety and the dissociation has diminished as well. I still tote around anxiety and trust issues and in spite of the time invested, I still have discomfort in therapy and opening up. I like my therapist, she has been incredibly patient and when I tell her I am frustrated she reminds me of the need to go slow with this stuff. She keeps plying me with questions...
So, over time, I have told her everything, although maybe in a hit and run manner, without going into details. A little at a time, as far as I'm concerned. Sometimes when I bring something up now, I feel that rather than delve into details, she wants to focus on the NOW, how I've accomplished so much, etc. I understand that there are some styles of therapy that work that way. She's got a big bag of tricks, so once in a while we do talk about the past.
The other night I had a wicked case of insomnia, so I got up and wrote about the memories that were churning in my head. As one who struggles to talk in therapy, I feel as though this might be good fodder for my next session. On the other hand, since we've already spent time talking about my trauma before, I kind of feel like "boo hoo, I'm a victim, listen to what happened". Perhaps I am discrediting myself and I need to talk about these things versus sluffing it off. Or should I focus on the present and the fact that my current goal is working on trust and intimacy issues. Or maybe I'm simply afraid of surfacing the issues I was writing about...am I thinking to much about this? Thanks.