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"victim" Therapy

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watundah

MyPTSD Pro
I am looking for some insight and would appreciate feedback.
I have been going to therapy for 2 1/2 years. It's been a very slow road for me. I am in my 50s so have decades of practice at stuffing my feelings, avoidant behavior, dissociation - all that fun stuff. I have made a lot of progress in dealing with my social anxiety and the dissociation has diminished as well. I still tote around anxiety and trust issues and in spite of the time invested, I still have discomfort in therapy and opening up. I like my therapist, she has been incredibly patient and when I tell her I am frustrated she reminds me of the need to go slow with this stuff. She keeps plying me with questions...

So, over time, I have told her everything, although maybe in a hit and run manner, without going into details. A little at a time, as far as I'm concerned. Sometimes when I bring something up now, I feel that rather than delve into details, she wants to focus on the NOW, how I've accomplished so much, etc. I understand that there are some styles of therapy that work that way. She's got a big bag of tricks, so once in a while we do talk about the past.

The other night I had a wicked case of insomnia, so I got up and wrote about the memories that were churning in my head. As one who struggles to talk in therapy, I feel as though this might be good fodder for my next session. On the other hand, since we've already spent time talking about my trauma before, I kind of feel like "boo hoo, I'm a victim, listen to what happened". Perhaps I am discrediting myself and I need to talk about these things versus sluffing it off. Or should I focus on the present and the fact that my current goal is working on trust and intimacy issues. Or maybe I'm simply afraid of surfacing the issues I was writing about...am I thinking to much about this? Thanks.
 
Yes I can think round and round things and end up confusing myself too - I would suggest explaining this to your T and seeing what she thinks, but it sounds like perhaps you DO need to talk through these memories that are churning around in your head. If they are causing you insomnia something is telling you to pay attention to them.
 
HI
I found it really hard to open up to the therapist or talk to any one about what was happening to me. In fact I knew I felt really bad to start, but did not have a clue what was causing it. Because I didn't trust hypnotherapy I tried EMDR. It was scary therapy and really hard. I have improved to some extent but maybe it would do me good to have further therapy. It is just whether I can face having EMDR again. It is somatic re experiencing with me. I still cannot express what happened in words. So I can relate to your difficulties to opening up and talking.
 
With the therapist interjecting as she does she is focusing on the fact that the here and now are the face of reality. The reality that we have come a long way to be able to stand here safe in that knowledge. We need to stay focused on here and now as it keep us present and grounded.

Allowing ourselves to falter in this principle runs the dangerous risk of us becoming stuck in an eternal struggle to escape the trauma memories of the past. By remaining focued on now and with determination we can with time and practice learn how to disconnect the emotional bondings holding the trauma event of the past with the event memory we have today. By cutting that bond we drop the event into it's proper place as a single bead on a string of pearls.

You have already won the greatest battle of your life @watundah by simply surviving thus far. You are here today to prove your strength and determination have kept you safe all these years.

Sending a :hug: if you accept.

Laurie
 
I feel as though this might be good fodder for my next session. On the other hand, since we've already spent time talking about my trauma before, I kind of feel like "boo hoo, I'm a victim, listen to what happened".
So you have some different parts with different needs. One part seems to need to talk about what happened with your therapist. It doesn't matter if it is old news. If that's what it wants and needs, you might consider honoring it. Then it might calm down a little. It doesn't mean that you can't continue to focus on your goal with trust. Perhaps this is an issue of trusting yourself and what you need now?

You have another part that's doubting whether it's right to talk about this, and another part that's judging you for needing to talk ("boo hoo").

Listen to/honor your parts, @watundah

Best wishes...
 
I feel as though this might be good fodder for my next session. On the other hand, since we've already spent time talking about my trauma before,

It is your therapy and if you feel that you need to talk about those memories then you should be able to do that. Having spent time talking about it before does not mean you can no longer talk about it, you should be able to talk about it as long as you need. I believe if you want to go into details you should not be redirected to focus into the now. Two and a half years of therapy is not very long, and it takes time to become aware of and change old patterns.

My therapy is very different and I am glad. I am never directed or asked questions without me bringing up a certain topic. I think if one is a trauma victim one needs to restore one's own power to direct ones life, and therefore learn to do so in therapy.
 
One of the writers that has helped me the most said something like "There comes a point when working through psychic pain that the patient becomes extremely uncertain and uncomfortable. The role of the therapist is to help the patient to reduce the discomfort while remaining uncertain."

Maybe the thing to do is to work through the stuff from the past. Maybe the thing to do is to focus on the present. Maybe those two things aren't as incompatible as they seem (but maybe not!). I like the fact that your therapist is full of questions, and I like that they are helping you to see good things (if you want to be able to enjoy life, you have to be able to see good things). I think that telling your therapist what happened in pretty much the same way you told us and asking "What do you think?" would be a great way of giving your therapist the power to guide you in an informed way.

I like the sound of your therapist, and you seem to find them trustworthy, so that's the plan I'd recommend. I can guess at what they'd say, but that probably wouldn't help :)
 
Righto. You all offer sage wisdom. Thank you so much!
With the grounding exercises, yoga and mindfulness that she encourages me to incorporate into life, it's true that the PRESENT is where it's at. Still the impact of the past clangs around the halls, making noise and holding me back. Im not done talking about it (heck, as resistant as I've been, maybe I'm just getting started. I do not know!)

If my current goals are to address trust and intimacy, it will make sense to bring up these past hurts.

Thank you for the hug...I can never get too many of those.
 
:hug::hug:

I see that you were careful in the construction of the title and used the word "victim". As a survivor in the now and present, you appear to understand past is past (to me). Some of us have done inner child work in therapy or taking our adult self and assisting the inner child by listening to him/her plus nurturing, assuring safety.

This seems similar to me, where you wish to take your adult survivor in the now and hear the voice of your victim to help her heal in that trapped moment. (Is this somewhat close?) Connecting the dots in a healing recovery versus intense rumination seems rich and courageous to me. Perhaps your T may find you ready to make that journey to abate your body memories. So asking, at least offers respect to yourself as well as anticipation of having those thoughts validated in the future! Very cool!:tup:
 
Inner child therapy is a very important part of recovery from childhood trauma's, being able to connect with the little us inside and process it from our then psychological state takes a lot of hard work and determination. There are numerous techniques on how to best manage this part of therapy. Some of which I have threaded myself.

Oh and Little_Laurie says :hug:

:)
 
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