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Visions of the Past

Discussion in 'General' started by mortiis31, Sep 16, 2007.

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  1. mortiis31

    mortiis31 Active Member

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    Sometimes when I try to sleep at night (not that that happens very often), I see visions of past things, such as the incest, the prison rapes, the suicides, the drugs.

    The feeling of overall dread which envelopes my soul is unbearable,

    I get up and end up turning every light in the house on, checking the rooms for my father, for anything, knowing that he's not really there, but not understanding why I'm seeking.

    Does anyone else suffer this?
     
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  3. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    I do this a lot. A huge reason that I have a hard time sleeping is because i am afraid to go to sleep and dream about my past. I hate having nightmares...so as much as I know i need to sleep my mind will not shut off because i am preoccupied with being afraid that once i fall asleep I will nightmare. Happened last night as a matter of fact. I have had dreams about my father still............and i often get up and look around because i think that he was here. So.yes, you are not alone in this experience.
     
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  4. mortiis31

    mortiis31 Active Member

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    Pandora - MORE bad news. I have to stop my counsellor sessions now, because WINZ refuses to pay me enough each week in order for me to pay her for my visits.

    It's a crying shame the kind of country that we live in here, people think it's so ****ing beautiful, but they don't see the disgusting underbelly of it all, where the goverment picks and chooses who they take care of, who they don't.

    I'm seriously about ready to give up on this whole thing, you know? I've ha this thing my whole life almost and never been able to get help for it, I beieve my whole existence is cursed, every time something promising occurs, it's very swiftly met by something atrocious which slams it all down into my face.

    I believed I was making good progress with Suzie (my psychotherapist), but I can no longer see her, and Mental Health here says I'm 'not bad enough' to use their free psychotherapists.

    Tell me what the hell am I supposed to do now? This is awful!
     
  5. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

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    I know this experience and feeling all to well too mortiis, and I'm sorry as it sounds as if you do to, all to well, and are feeling it again. It is a painful and quite maddening way to see things. I'd have to agree it feels awful. At least, it always did so with me. My way of seeing could rapidly escalate my worries, physic. pain and tension, feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, dread and so many FEARS......it would actually get me seriously contemplating things that would result in tremedous more fear.

    I don't know much more to say mortiis.

    I do know that perserverence and our will to keep trudging along in our Right direction and no matter what seems to make a world of difference and vastly improve things given sufficient time and our work.

    Just the belief, that your existence is cursed, which I too have shared and for yrs. I've thought can be viewed differently when we learn that so many, many children and/or people of severe child abuse believe this very same thing.
     
  6. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

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    Yeah Mortiis, I know exactly what you're talking about. I experience it nearly every night.
     
  7. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

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    For Pandora

    I noticed a lot of your posts state you have bad nightmares. I used to have the same problem and was afraid to sleep at night for fear of a nightmare. I joined some dream groups and did some intensive dream work and my nightmares started to diminish. They even went away for about 3-4 months. Of course they came back, but not as bad. The point being, I'm not afraid of them anymore (once awake) Dream interpretation can help you understand what your dreams mean and help you become less fearful of them. If you want more info on this let me know.

    Tammy
     
  8. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

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    Mortiis....i am not really sure what to tell you to do.unless you go to emerg and tell them how awful you are feeling...i don't know if this is an option though.

    imAwhiner.....thanks for your post too.......I have the nightmares on and off and i have gone a few months without them. unfortunately...i think i am in a bit of a relapse due to the new relationship I have started but i am hoping for better days. i would love to read the info you have.....maybe you can pm it to me....thanx again.
     
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