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Voices Raised, T Ticked Off And I Am Confused

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@WillyKat . as odd as it may sound I love my T. there's a lot she's helped me through. she's become more of a mother to me than a therapist and I guess that's what I really wanted in life (a mother figure).
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It's completely understandable that you would want a mother figure in your life, but she can't be yor therapist too. Does she know you see her as a mother? She should be skilled in helping you manage these feelings, maintaining appropriate boundaries is part of that. It's hard but when the boundaries really slip like that, the client invariably ends up hurt. Do you still have a form of professional relationship with her in that you book sessions and pay for her time? I know it would feel impossible to tackle this, but it's important you talk to her, or another therapist, about the relationship because it sounds like its far from therapuetic now.
 
@digger , boundaries as in when I say I love her or when she says it to me, it's clear what we both mean and I feel safe with her and can accept her love.
@Ayesha yes, it is the same therapist. Every time I think of changing her then I think I should just quit therapy altogether, I am not sure if that would be wise
@WillyKat and @shimmerz I hear what you are saying. maybe I can book a session with a different therapist and see how things go from there

@Suzetig yes, she knows that I see her as my mother and that she's the mother I've always wished for. I still have a professional relationship with her. but I also talk to her outside therapy sessions. maybe it's true that she can't be a therapist and a mother to me. but I am scared if I find another therapist then I'll have to completely let go of this relationship :cry:
 
it hurts that you all think I should change a therapist, I know it's probably the right thing to do. but it is so hard, very hard!
 
@Reds, we know it hurts, of course it hurts. I think I speak for the rest of us when I say its for the greater, longer term good. Having close friendships is wonderful; but so is effective therapy.
 
If you went to someone else for therapy it doesn't mean you have to end this relationship. It seems your relationship with your current therapist is moving beyond the therapist/client structure.
It's hard to go forward with change, lots of things come up. But, don't cut yourself off from growth by resisting. Finding a new therapist might allow you to keep your "mother." It sounds like there's a lot of real love there. I'm all for healthy love between two people, wherever it begins.
 
By having a therapist, who substitutes for the mother you never had, you will never process the fact that you never had that mother. In a way she is not helping your process and growth, but sabotaging it. I agree with the others, who suggest you to find another therapist.
 
@Born to Run's post is precisely why you need a new therapist. Whether you keep any kind of relationship with this person, she isn't your mother and at the moment she's not being your therapist either. That may sound harsh, but it's true. Professional boundaries are there to protect the client and the therapist from blurred relationships. I'd honestly suggest a break from this person until you find another therapist and process what's happened here. Then you can decide what your relationship with this person might look like, and you may find you feel differently about her anyway.

In the meantime you'll keep having difficult experiences with her because the therapist - client dynamic has been skewed.
 
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@Reds. I am just wondering, but when you asked her if she loved you how did she respond exactly? How does she normally respond?
 
Well, You say this is a STRONG boundary, a professional boundary, but I disagree. If it was a strong boundary, you wouldn't be stressing out about your therapist not saying she loves you. Its akin to me freaking out because my cardiologist won't say that he loves me. (See how its stepping over the line?) This breaks the boundaries of a professional relationship IMHO.
 
I asked her if she loved me,
but the reason I asked her yesterday, is that I felt like she was upset or angry with me and I still don't know why.
Okay, and why didn't you simply ask her this? Look, whether it be a therapeutic or any other relationship it is absolutely crucial, to really say what you mean, and mean what you say. Saying A but actually mean B isn't fair nor helpful for you or the people you talk to. It just leads to confusion and frustration. Just my 02 cents.
 
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@Rumors she said yes she loves me. Compared to the other times, it didn't sound real.
@TreeHugger i have never been able to confront any issue in life, I wish I could have asked if she was upset and why. I never say what I mean, I always doubt myself :(

I think I will find another therapist but will hold on to the current relationship until I'm ready to let go

@Born to Run saying she isn't my mother is the hardest truth to swallow, sometimes I truly believe she's my mother, then other times I remind myself that she isn't. But whatever she is to me I need it, it's the first relationship where I felt real connection, safe, belonging and wanted
 
i have never been able to confront any issue in life, I wish I could have asked if she was upset and why. I never say what I mean, I always doubt myself :(
Dear @Reds, that doesn't mean it has to stay like this for the rest of your life... And after all, you're on your healing path, aren't you? So, there's really hope. - Yeah, just keep up the good work you're doing and keep up your hope as well! :tup:
 
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