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Supporter Want To Help My Friend With Ptsd

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Sweep

New Here
Hi everyone,

Trying to find out more about PTSD in order to help my friend who has suffered for about 4 years.

Really would like to be able to understand more so that I can help and support her. I don't think I have been doing a good job to date :(

Hoping this site will help :tup:
 
Welcome to the forum! The best thing you can do is be there for her. (I'm speaking as a sufferer who has suffered for 4 years myself. I'm just posting from the perspective of MY friends right now. They're my rock. :))

Some ways to help include: If she gets confused, doesn't know who you are, where she is, and so on, she is experiencing dissociation and she isn't joking if she tells you that she doesn't know where she is or who you are. Explain to her (Don't whisper it) that she is (however many) years old. She is in (put location here.) She was (just doing this activity with you) and she is safe. After this, she may continue to question, if she is still confused, just continue telling her this and repeating "You are (blank) years old, you are at (blank) and we are just about to (blank)." Don't get annoyed with her, and you MAY not be able to touch her. It's very very confusing when someone dissociates, and they may be freaking out- if they are, don't show that you are panicked too or it could make things worse.

FLASHBACKS: Ever watch your friend burst out crying and run out of the room? How about shaking and crying? They might be in a flashback. Best thing you can do is recognize when she's triggered. Even if you don't know her story, you might recognize what she does when she's triggered. If she just stares apparently at nothing ask her if she's okay, tell her that she's safe, and that everything is okay. ((That's one of my dead giveaways according to my friends.) Another dead giveaway is if she tenses up, 'makes herself smaller' and starts to bow her head or balls her fists up tight. Again, tell her she's safe, everything's okay, and if necessary, take her hands and lead her out of the room to a place where the two of you are alone. She needs to get to a "safe place" as she has just entered flashback mode.

If you are aware of these signs, you might be able stop a flashback in it's tracks by just telling her you're there, and she's safe. It can be very scary for you, but it's also very scary for her. Don't try to make her open up, but if she does, be willing to listen, and if you see her dissociating or flashing back, you may need to "play detective" if she isn't open (she may not be) and figure out what made her scared/sad. If you can piece it together, you can prepare her before anything happens as you clue into her "triggers", and if you know you're going to be facing them. That helps a lot.

Also, another thing concerning relationships, friendships, and so on.It's great to know that we have someone who wants to help and that we can lean on them, however they may become withdrawn or isolate. Allow them their space, it isn't your fault, but do make the effort to invite them to hang out.

For more information, go join the supporters section, and welcome to the forum! :)
 
Holy crap Sweep...

Jen93 Has just laid it out there for you, like its for real. Oh, and trust me, its for real...

PTSD is your worst nightmare, but its even worse for the one you love.

Read all about it and what you can do in the HOME page, and as well in the "Supporters" pages... and if you still think that you can be there for the one you say you love... take a deep breath, and don't make any plans for yourself for the next few years...

PTSD is a life-long sentence for the sufferer, as well as for the supporter. Its NOT for the faint hearted, but the rewards when achieved, are absolutely incredible and magnificent...

Welcome to the PTSD Forum... :D
 
Welcome Sweep.

This site will help you see both sides of the issues, from the sufferers point of view and from those who support them.

I applaud your willingness to stand by her as most friends often cut their losses and disappear.

The relationship can be aggravating and depressing at times but trust me, she wants you in her life, in fact, she needs you there.

Thanks for being a supporter. :)
 
Hey Sweep

I applaud your willingness to stand by her as most friends often cut their losses and disappear.
Most friends do disappear because PTSD truly is not for the faint hearted. Supporters need to be a special breed as it can be incredibly hard.

There will be days when your friend simply doesn't want you around and she may be quiet blunt about it, that can be hurtful but you should never take any of the lashing out too seriously. That is not your friend speaking, it is the PTSD.

Respect your friends space but be ready for the call of help.

If you decide to stick around, make sure you do.

Use straight forward language. Trying to get round a subject the long way by making hints will just add to your friends paranoia, frustration and confusion.

There is some really good info on here explaining it all, take your time to go through it. Others on here will become your support so, keep in touch.

All the best with the journey of a life time
 
Lots of good advice above.

A couple things I'd like to add or refine:

Sometime between attacks ask your friend how she feels about being hugged by you during an attack. For me, there's nothing better than to be hugged by a male teddy bear-ish friend - but not so tightly that I can't get out of it, of course, and for some reason, not by a woman, even though my abuse was perpetrated by a man. Some people will hate hugs from anybody, and some people will appreciate hugs from anybody, so it's good to ask in between times.

Second, for me, even better than hearing the year is having someone talk to me about recent news in politics or sports or something like that - something really ordinary.

Third, some people with PTSD are experienced enough with it (and medicated or therapized enough) that they may seem that they're handling it ok. Even if that's the case, a telephone call the next day saying you're calling just to she is ok will probably be deeply appreciated. Even if all you do is leave a phone message, that's great.

Fourth, try to make sure your friend is getting professional help - you're her friend, not her therapist. In order to stay her friend, you can't be her sole emotional support.

Fifth, on behalf of your friend, I thank you deeply for your willingness to help and your desire to help in just the right way. I wish the world contained more people like you.
 
And something else to consider...

If I am touched while dissasociating I sometimes think what I am feeling 'him' on me. I have had someone try and bring me round by holding my wrists to pull me to get a hug and bring me back....I fought back!

Let the dissasociation have it's say, do not try and bring your friend out of it. It needs to happen to heal. Ask your friend if he/she wants to talk about it and explain what he/she was doing before hand to help with the triggers. Some dissasociation periods can not be remembered. If he/he ssays she doesn't know, believe. If he/she doesn't want to talk about, do not push but, perhaps advise to write it down. This will help in therapy.

Most people find writing a daily jounal of feelings, emotions, challenges and achievements helpful. It helps organise thoughts and join the dots between the trauma and the emotions. It will too become important for the therapy sessions.

Hope this all helps. As things come to me I will add them.
 
Hello sweep, and welcome. That's very kind of you.

As others have said, ptsd isn't for everybody, by any means.

I have really only an analogy. Most parents take for granted their child will walk, then run, at a certain age. With ptsd, just being able to stand and take small steps (figuratively speaking), sometimes has to be the goal. (Though as SS said, with that understanding, the gratitude for the steps can be greater and even more fun to celebrate).

Be good to your word, don't take isolation or mistrust personal, take care of yourself.
Be kind and patient, if you can.

The others have good advice.
 
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