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Wanting To Be Alone

Discussion in 'Discussion' started by chief, Dec 27, 2008.

  1. chief

    chief Well-Known Member

    Hi everyone,its xmas time again and i wish i could runaway and be on my own.Xmas used to be great until i was 21 ,then brother became psychotic and for the next few years xmas was always very much on tender hooks.Ten years down the line he is stable but i really dont feel happy about the days off at xmas ,i find it hard to be around people pretending to be happy when i am not really and that includes family and partner.This feeling makes me sad and anxious.Does any one else fee like this and if so what do they do to help themselves?
  2. Junebug

    Junebug VIP Member

    Hello chief,

    Yes, sometimes very much so.

    For me- small distractions, forcing myself to keep a positive thought, -going for a cigarette (there are healthier methods, I know!), being grateful, mindfulness, do breathing exercises (even short ones), pre-planning to the extent I can what I am going to do rather than free-falling, doing something for someone else, - ideally being around someone who can make me laugh (or I can make them laugh), trying to choose to "stick close" to the non-judgemental, kind people. -Get sleep if you can when you need it. Limit exposure to unkind people or ones who are more likely to "push my buttons". Do something small for myself that I want to do- doesn't have to be "for me", just has to be something important to me to do.

    Don't know if that helps.
    Evangelina likes this.
  3. 2notbedefeated

    2notbedefeated New Member

    I have not been thrilled by Christmas for the past 14 years when my Mom died. When she died for some strange reason I just started to "lose it" and I'm still not sure why just yet.

    Anyway, there is no "magic" or "excitement" over Christmas anymore. I hate having to put on that smile and act all "merry" for Christmas. It's hard because I have to force myself to be cheery and create excitement because I have children who are 9 and 10 yrs old.

    Christmas makes me feel so empty, out of touch with others around me, and lonely because I don't relate to their "Merriness". Does that make sense?

    This Christmas, for the very first time in 14 years, I was able to "bookshelf" my sadness, anxiety and horrible memories of my sexual abuse for one day - Christmas Day. I had moments of some joy. This was such a surpise to me.

    Thanks for sharing your struggle.
  4. Salu

    Salu New Member

    Hi, how has it been so far for you?

    I´m not too thrilled about Christmas either, I would like to have someone outseide of my direct family to share it with.
    Christmas used to be rather tense time in my family, some had bad relationships, some did´t talk at all with each other and everyone had to come together and pretend they were happy. I guess there were years when it was ok, but bad tends to get stuck. It´s supposed to be warm an fuzzy time of year, I felt cold and hollow amd tense and relieved when it was over.

    We don´t have any big celebrations anymore and things are just so much better this way. Its almost like any other day now and it works for us.
  5. Grama-Herc

    Grama-Herc VIP Member

    I had a discussion the other day with a woman friend of mother's. She asked me why people worry so much about her being "alone" at Christmas.

    She is alone with no family and all the little old church ladies worry about her. She, on the other hand, is very happy to be alone. She will make up excuses, or plans or even "Lie" to get out of invitations. She related to me that this "happy face" mentality is just simply more than she can stand. Crowds, noises, rowdy children and all the other things that can come with a holiday party, even I can't handle that.

    So being alone, yea I can deal with that, as I think most of us can do. I think the biggest thing we need to do is "cut ourselves some slack" and believe that it is really OK to feel this way. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone and learn to politely say "No thank you, but I appreciate the invitation" and then realize that we do not owe ANYONE an explanation.

    Once that has been achieved, relax and enjoy our time alone and do what we want to do.

    CHEERS :eek:ccasion:
  6. eljacko129

    eljacko129 New Member

    need to do it myself

    I always feel like I need to do things myself, and when i don't or can't i get upset. I get smothered easily and wind up crying. I do wish i could be alone, but at the same time i'm afraid. I have a therapist, and she is great, but she can't take the weight off of my chest. It hurts. I want the pain to go awa....
  7. sallysellsseashells

    sallysellsseashells New Member

    I usually wish to be alone after an argument, so as to reflect on it, understand it, and go back to the person and sort it out ASAP. People who don't give me this opportunity, I don't want to spend much time with. I like being alone most of the time (drawing, painting, playing guitar). I feel more alone when surrounded by people who are well-adjusted, but not understanding of those who aren't (because I don't think I'm well adjusted, and I have nothing to talk about, because most of my life's experiences sucked big-time. Even to talk about the good things I can draw from those experiences, would be bringing attention to them). Xmas is very hard, because almost every year our family has had some form of drama. I stayed home this xmas to prevent drama. My family have been surprisingly understanding of this, and I have promised to go see them in January (it is January now, I am going home in a week and a bit). I hope they had a good Xmas. I think it would have been easier for them without me there (because I get emotional). I had a good xmas on my own actually. My only regret was not spending Xmas with my best friend... as he's not my friend anymore (I still think of him that way though), and the misunderstandings that lead to that. I'm also sad because my children would be five this year, but they're in heaven. I just wanted to die in the morning. But by the afternoon I was pretty cherpy and getting things done around the unit. I'd already spoken to everyone in advance of Xmas, so I had the day with no phone calls, not angry people in my face, no slave-driving requests. It was peaceful, which is what I have asked for every year. Best present I ever got, was a day alone on Xmas. If I am around others on this particular day, particularly athiests (my whole family are atheists), I find that I get very tense, and the requests I get (cook, clean, make coffee, take kid out, bring kid back, sweep up, let cat out, let cat in, call such and such etc.) all gets too much, and the pain in my body cripples me... which people take as me being difficult and delibarately trying to avoid them. I also am not allowed to leave without explanation, but I usually leave because the Marijhuana is too much for me and I get head-spins... people take it personally, but I just need fresh air, and If I don't get fresh air it brings me to tears... So, yes, for me Christmas alone is a MASSIVE blessing. I had fresh air on christmas, beakfast, lunch and dinner, and I had a bed to retire to if I got emotional (but didn't need it). Next year I am thinking of volunteering in a kitchen somewhere (for homeless people), so I can give something to someone, without it being my family or friends. They are too obligatory. At the end of the day I can go home, having achieved something, and it is doubtful I would feel overwhelmed by dope in an environment where it isn't allowed, or over-run with tasks, because it would be shared between several people (I would only be doing my part and not more than I can do). Does this seem at all selfish?

    I think it is reasonable. I can't get along with people I know, so why not support people I don't know? People who maybe have no-one else? And maybe make some new friends? I like the idea. Though, maybe I'd preffer to spend the day alone again. I'm not sure. But I think it is good to share on christmas, no matter who it is with.
  8. kb101

    kb101 New Member

    Just here to say that I also feel this way and can definitely relate. Unfortunately I have not figured out a way around this one. Meds helped for a little while (until the side effects hit) and now I'm back in the same boat again. I know, it's tough. I am glad to hear that your brother is doing well though and I do hope you pull through this. I wish you the best.

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