• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Sexual Assault Was I Raped? I Really Don't Know What To Think.

Status
Not open for further replies.
Here's the story.

I told him up front i didn't want to have sex. But we were doing everything that comes before. I said it before we started and then he tried (he pulled out a condom) so i said, "i don't want to have sex." However, he kept trying and would keep opening my legs and
pushing himself inside me and then hugging me against his chest so like I wasn’t raising up, and when i would say stop, he would either say, "it's okay." multiple times or kind of ignore it, or tell me to kiss him.
So, I would maneuver myself off and go to get up and he'd hug me and tell me he wouldn't try again.
He told me to turn over and I thought he meant to switch sides so we can sleep, but no, then he just got on top of me again and literally held the side of my face into the bed with one hand on the back of my neck, and then pushed against my shoulder towards him so I didn't move with the other, and put himself inside me from behind. I said no and for a few seconds he just ignored it and kept going, but when I started squirming and like reaching behind to push against his stomach, he told me to stop and that I wanted to do it, I just wouldn't let myself then he stopped.

He started doing it again and every time I tried to tell him to stop, he just said "kiss me, stop talking and just kiss me." and when i would say no in one position, he'd just hug me and say he wouldn't try it again and then try a different position, he'd pull me on top of him and slam my hips down and then not let me move when he was inside me by holding my legs down, or try to put my legs on his shoulders and when I would start to say no, he'd just hurry up, he tried to do it from behind like we were spooning, tried doggy style, tried on top. I said no every time. He actually kept doing it so much that I got up and just ran to the bathroom and stayed there for like five minutes hoping he would quit when i came out. He didn't. Then he grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled it so i couldn't reach up enough to push him off me and kept moaning and saying, "Just a few more seconds."
He would kiss me and then bite my bottom lip and then go inside me, so when I tried to say something he would just like bite down and I would have to push against him, I guess is the right way to word that. But when i really pushed against him and told him it hurt and to stop, he would stop within that moment or at least slow down enough to where he was still and reluctantly let me get off, but then try again two seconds later. He would hold my leg down so I didn’t get up when I was on top of him. So he didn't keep going in that moment, but he did because he kept trying and trying with the same "no" outcome. Then after all of that, we were lying there and I couldn't bare to look at him, but he said, "It would be really sexy if you grabbed my dick and put it inside you." and i said no, so he just got on top of me and put it in anyway because he said he just wanted to "pull out" and it would only take "a few more seconds."

I'm guessing it was around Link Removed when we both fell asleep. I thought that was it but then I woke up to him trying again. And it was all finally done with at about Link Removed.

And then after he made me swallow, he left me without any covers, naked, facing the wall while he slept with the covers, facing the opposite direction and didn't say a word to me.
 
I would be confused... But it doesn't read as rape to me.

From the description it sounds like you were saying no to different positions... Not to sex. You're making out, he's inside you, you say no, snog some more, switch positions, he's inside you, you say no, snog some more, switch positions, etc.

That you got up for a bathroom break wouldn't automatically read to me as a stop, either. It's pretty common to take a break in anything prolonged... Or just bad timing.

To be rape he would have to know or be forcing you. How would he know if every time you say stop, he stops, and then you're making out with him again?
 
I would be confused... But it doesn't read as rape to me.

From the description it sounds like you w...


But the fact that I told him up front that I did not want to have sex and then he continued to do it anyway? When i said no, he knew it was towards sex, not the position. I told him before and during i did not want to have sex.
 
It sounds like you were raped because you said no to the initial sexual intercourse then with him restraining you from behind is actually a tactic that a lot of rapists use. However it is confusing because you went to the bathroom and didn't leave or call for help and you stayed. Could have been shock. Rape is an act of violence from what I understand and it does sound somewhat violent with the restraining, saying no and lip biting and sounds typical of a rapist; "you know you want it" but I wasn't there
 
Yes. It was rape. And that really sucks. You said no. That is that. I dont even know how guys keep a boner when the woman says "no". To me that is the ultimate boner killer. No. Damn. And I am sorry that so many guys do not understand that no means f*cking stop right now and check in with me. I am not sure of your entire situation, but to me, this is either an extremely inexperienced guy or a basic rapist. If he is inexperienced, it might do him good if you sat down (in public) and talked to him bluntly, try not to get too emotional (i know its easier said than done) and explain that what he did was rape. The whole idiotic idea of rape being when someone holds you down and forces their penis inside a someone they dont know while they slap them is bullshit. Most rape is from someone the victim knows. Again, I am very sorry this happened. I will add a note, that it IS POSSIBLE that this was the result of him truly misunderstanding you. He might have thought your "no" meant "not like that, or not right now". His inability to stop when he heard the word "no" does not make it less of a violation. Truthfully, if this is bothering you alot, I would find someone who you trust alot and who will not get emotional, to sit down and talk to both of you. If you dont deal with this, it could really be a problem as you process it.
 
You also said he made you swallow, I am quite sure that in itself is assault/sexual violence. It does sound like you were in shock and that is an incredibly common reaction to what he done to you.
 
But the fact that I told him up front that I did not want to have sex and then he continued to do it anyway?

That's not clear cut for me... Because I've said Nah, nope, not gonna happen upfront, maybe a few thousand times in the beginning. I have to get up early for work, I want to get homework done while the kids are napping, I'm not sure this is a bloke I want to sleep with, etc. And then I allow myself to be convinced / seduced.

There have been times where it's straight up bad sex, or I regret the hell out of it afterward (or a couple times, during)... But that's very, very different from rape. When a guy reasonably thinks he has my consent? It's not rape. It may be me having lousy boundaries, or me not speaking the hell up, or me not having the self confidence to walk...but I could have. Because he's not a rapist, if I back out, he stops. One of those "during" times? I felt like shit, I called it off, and I walked. The first half wasn't rape just because I felt like shit about it.

That's what got me in reading your story... Dude stopped. Every time you asked. But every time he stopped, you re-engaged. Hence, if it happened as written, and I were him? I'd be confused as hell.

To be clear, I've been raped... Several different ways. Some were very up front violent assaults, others were more murky. I've also had bad sex, regrettable sex, Friday-has-shit-for-boundaries-sex (aka I didn't want to, no way in hell for them to know that).

I wasn't there. I have no idea if it was rape or not... Which is why I'm saying that as written it doesn't sound like it. Not unless you're a kid & he's an adult, in which case there is no consent to give, and it's all force & coercion. (Begging, no matter how pathetic, does not equal coercion. A guilt trip is not force, even if it's effective. Besides, some people prefer pity-sex. To each their own.) What it sounds like, to me, is either regrettable sex or bad boundaries sex. But, again, I wasn't there... So I can't say one way or another.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top