I
Isuhu
I though it was pathetic to say no to being in his dorm room. I was okay with him touching my arm because that's all I wanted to give him. I was too afraid to say no to him kissing me. I pulled away when he starting to fondle my breasts. I asked to just talk when he leaned in to continue. I froze when he pushed me on top of him on his bed and he started to undress himself and hump me. I said "no," "stop," and "don't" when he started to touch me under my clothing and try to undress me. Finally, I hurt him and got out of there with bruises on my arms, wrists, back, and thighs (those bruises shaped like his handprint) that I don't remember getting - I was too dissociated the whole time to recognize anything other than fear, shame, guilt, and disappointment in myself for not saying no. He walked me out as if everything he did was okay, and then pushed me against my car so hard he bruised me more and kissed me. I was afraid to open my car door thinking he would follow me in to have sex. We didn't have sex and I never saw him again, but I feel so traumatized by this. What was it? Was it an attempted rape? Was it sexual assault? Or was it a series of my bad choices and my inability to say stop sooner or with more strength? Was it my fault?
Was this a sexual assault? Why does it feel like that but feel like I don't deserve that title?
Was this a sexual assault? Why does it feel like that but feel like I don't deserve that title?