• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Ways to meet the need for safe touch?

Status
Not open for further replies.
O

Odoco

Anyone have suggestions for ways I can meet my need for safe touch? Recently the urge to be hugged, held, touched, etc in a safe (non-sexual) way has been really strong. When I am crying and talking about my past trauma in therapy I have this strong urge to reach out to my therapist for physical comfort through a hug or being held while I cry. I can't ask my therapist for that though. I struggle already with feeling like I am to attached to him. I worry if he did hold me I'd end up feeling even more attached. On the other hand, if I asked him and he refused, I would probably feel really hurt and rejected. So I can't ask him. So any suggestion on how I can satisfy my need to be held/hugged/comforted in other ways?
 
I own a body pillow and a teddy bear, both I hold at night which satifies that need a bit.

Maybe a friend? Friends give each other a hug. Some churches and "church-people" tend to do that too.

I'm not sure as I am terrified of touch of any kind and have a knee jerk reaction of a hit or a kick or at least I jump if someone even touches my shoulder. I hit a nurse accidently that was trying to take my vitials without waking me when I was in the hospital so I don't really have this need. Much anyway.

I would say, though, that I would not ask your therapist. In my opinion that would be crossing a boundry. Many here say their therapist does give them safe touch but it is a clear boundry in my therapy.
 
Thank you for replying. A pillow or stuffed animal might help. I'll have to give that a try. I don't have any friends that I can ask for a hug. Some of the people at church do hug me occasionally. It's kind of different though because its more of a need to be held, comforted, etc when I am talking about the trauma I experienced as a child. It's kind of like that child part of me needs to be comforted and held in a safe way and to experience good, healthy touch. If that makes any sense.

I'm definitely not going to ask my therapist for that. So, I need so other ways to fill that need. Maybe hugging a pillow or a stuffed animal would help with that.
 
It's kind of different though because its more of a need to be held, comforted, etc when I am talking about the trauma I experienced as a child. It's kind of like that child part of me needs to be comforted and held in a safe way and to experience good, healthy touch. If that makes any sense.

It does. Bring it to therapy. My therapist advised that once but he has big fluffy pillows on his couch so I hug those instead but its the same thing.
 
Mention to your T that the child part of you yearns for comfort and touch. It is hard talking about trauma and feeling so alone.

I thought I yearned for touch. My comfort friend (the one who knows all of my crap) hugged me once and I didn't feel anything. I was numb to it.
 
Big fuzzy soft blanket to wrap up in. My therapist has one just for to this purpose in session.
 
I have big dogs for cuddles since its so hard to get safe touch from my family members. I do get after-session hugs from my T, and he's even sat on the floor and held me for 20 minutes when I told him I really needed that, but I've been too scared to ask for it again. I think he may actually do it, but I'm still scared to ask due to rejection and abandonment issues. Thankfully, he does body-work and grounding through safe touch, as well as working on my touch aversion in therapy, so its all very safe/clinical, while still meeting my need for touch. Sometimes its not enough, but this has forced me to seek safe touch from my family and friends, and means I've learned to integrate my need for safe touch with socially acceptable ways to meet that need.

I say just try. Bring up the issue with your T, as a hypothetical if necessary, and see what they suggest. You never know, and my T's approach has been so healing. Good luck!
 
Thank you all for the suggestions. Maybe I should try to talk to him about it at our next session. Not by actually asking for a hug, but by discussing my need for some kind of comfort. He doesn't have a blanket or a pillow big enough to hug or anything like that at his office that I know of. Maybe he'd say I could bring my own or something. Guess I won't know unless I ask.
 
Have you considered getting a massage from a reputable massage therapist? Its a nice, safe, socially acceptable way to experience touch. Its also a great way to release some of the tension most of us hold in our bodies.
 
As Jesi indicates, massage ca be good. I found a good massage therapist, who was as much a therapist as a massage practitioner. It took a LONG time to get used to being touched as I dissociated A LOT at the beginning, and still do occasionally. Over time it worked well. I also went to dance classes. I told the teacher that I wasn't there to learn dance but to get used to being in physical contact with people. The teacher was supportive and over time I moved from a very distant and disembodied style to enjoying it. Now dance is my main thing, though I have a shiatsu massage every now and then from someone I trust.

Over time the exploration of my response to physical contact really helped my personal therapy..... but I think it needs a good talk therapist to support their client as they explore touch. Way too few talk therapists try body orientated processes so they don't know what to do when the subject comes up, or their client needs to explore safe touch.
 
Human contact outside of session?

- Volunteer @ the NICU / PICU (volunteers are needed to hold babies as much as possible, as parents aren't always available. Medical issues of their own, work, sleep, other children, etc.).

- Volunteer to work with young children. Lots of opportunities abound. From sedentary (like story time) to active (like coaching). Kids climb all over adults like monkeys whenever the situation allows for it, while others (like gymnastics / tumbling / swimming) require lots and lots of structured physical contact as you're teaching & spotting them to be able to do moves safely on their own. Which is also awesome independence building in the teaching others to feel comfortable letting go.

- Martial Arts & other contact sports

- Ballroom Dance

- Massage

- etc.


Non-Human Physical Contact outside of session

- Animals (horses, dogs, & cats are common avenues)

- Water Sports

- Gravity Sports

- Compression garments (more like underarmor, less like old lady socks or corsets).

- Weighted blankets.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top