A little lost
Confident
Had the most painful soul destroying self inflicted session with my found this morning. I have no idea how I drove home, I don't remember leaving her room. I lost nearly 2 hours before I even realised I'm here with a stone cold coffee next to me that I have absolutely no recollection of making.
Long story short...I just ransacked my dad's alcohol cupboard and had a drug of every single spirit that was open....even the ones I hate! I don't feel any better for it and I'm struggling to keep my head here....can't stop the years pouring down my face no matter how hard I've tried to pull myself together.
Swear words directed at myself are just streaming through my head....I absolutely f*cking hate myself right now and my dad is going to go ape-shit if he sees I drunk his booze....and it hasn't even touched the sides! Feel absolutely no effect at all from it. I am not normally a drinker but last week I drank nearly a full bottle of rum (dad's again) in one sitting on my own under a duvet to stop the memories dragging me back there again.
Please...what am I doing ...and how do I stop this?..I'm scaring myself with this behaviour, and it isn't working.
How do I deal with what I did what I've torn open today that has destroyed me even more than I was before I opened my big mouth.
Sorry autocorrect changed that....counsellor, not "found"
Oh heck, just found another autocorrect mistake, just going to re-read and see what I need to change.
not 'years'...tears
Autocorrect is not my friend .
Ok, the rest seems ok, sorry.
Long story short...I just ransacked my dad's alcohol cupboard and had a drug of every single spirit that was open....even the ones I hate! I don't feel any better for it and I'm struggling to keep my head here....can't stop the years pouring down my face no matter how hard I've tried to pull myself together.
Swear words directed at myself are just streaming through my head....I absolutely f*cking hate myself right now and my dad is going to go ape-shit if he sees I drunk his booze....and it hasn't even touched the sides! Feel absolutely no effect at all from it. I am not normally a drinker but last week I drank nearly a full bottle of rum (dad's again) in one sitting on my own under a duvet to stop the memories dragging me back there again.
Please...what am I doing ...and how do I stop this?..I'm scaring myself with this behaviour, and it isn't working.
How do I deal with what I did what I've torn open today that has destroyed me even more than I was before I opened my big mouth.
my found this morning
Sorry autocorrect changed that....counsellor, not "found"
Oh heck, just found another autocorrect mistake, just going to re-read and see what I need to change.
can't stop the years
not 'years'...tears
a 'swig'...not drughad a drug of
Autocorrect is not my friend .
Ok, the rest seems ok, sorry.
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