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General What are they thinking?

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my instinct as a supporter is to want to be there and help, and not being able to do it together and work through this stuff as a team (like I do with everything else in life) is a hard concept for me to grapple with and is what gets me down. It’s the helplessness part that I find really difficult....but for a natural nurturer the act of giving space as a loving act Is a complex and challenging road to walk down.

I cosign all of this!
 
I wish I could MAKE you and him understand that this would NOT free me at ALL.
Thanks @Sighs. I’m working on understanding ^^ and knowing the guilt my actions would cause someone I care about is simply not acceptable. The difficult part is that when I’m struggling, it’s very hard to see that. I’ve learned from here, and my own experiences that it’s a cycle.....a storm you have to let pass. And it’s a storm I don’t want others to see, so it’s tricky but this place really helps.

my instinct as a supporter is to want to be there and help, and not being able to do it together and work through this stuff as a team (like I do with everything else in life) is a hard concept for me to grapple with and is what gets me down.
This is also what happens to my supporter, he wants to be my “battle buddy” but that’s the last place I want him to be when I’m facing imminent harm/threat in my mind. If there’s a chance the one person I love so much could be harmed or killed, I want them to be no where near me.
When my memories/flashbacks are strong that sense of threat is overwhelming for even the most mundane things....which is also very difficult for me to explain. For me, it’s kind of like darkness without a moon in the middle of a thick forest. Which typically happens very quickly, I could be walking the path and see everything around me (trees, birds, streams, you beside me) then all of a sudden it goes pitch black and I’m not prepared. I have no light, no matches, no knife, nothing. So, even if he wants to be beside me then I can’t because 1) I can’t see to identify friend or foe 2) I need to find my own way out.
I think with therapy.....the darkness can change. The problem is that with ptsd I find the darkness adapts to my reactions and coping sometimes. So that’s where it’s a constant battle. Hope this makes sense....
 
For me, it’s kind of like darkness without a moon in the middle of a thick forest. Which typically happens very quickly, I could be walking the path and see everything around me (trees, birds, streams, you beside me) then all of a sudden it goes pitch black and I’m not prepared. I have no light, no matches, no knife, nothing. So, even if he wants to be beside me then I can’t because 1) I can’t see to identify friend or foe 2) I need to find my own way out.

This is SO exceptionally helpful. Both you and @Freida
 
Whoops @Warrior Chicken I pressed reply too soon! Anyway trying again!

For me, it’s kind of like darkness without a moon in the middle of a thick forest. Which typically happens very quickly, I could be walking the path and see everything around me (trees, birds, streams, you beside me) then all of a sudden it goes pitch black and I’m not prepared. I have no light, no matches, no knife, nothing. So, even if he wants to be beside me then I can’t because 1) I can’t see to identify friend or foe 2) I need to find my own way out.

For me this is so exceptionally helpful. Both you and @Freida on this thread have really helped me to unpick what my fiance might be feeling during an episode or a period of isolation.

He has definitely tried to explain to me on numerous occasions that he definitely wants me no where near him during these times and I have found that through these forums, knowing others feel the same way is so useful because I can apply logic to the things that I find difficult to grasp. I see from your very specific, vivid and detailed descriptions a lot of what he must be feeling and facing too and it gives me so much hope. Thank you!
 
@Warrior Chicken yes! exactly!

because he had missed a few appointments when he returned from the warzone and they told him as a result he had to wait a while before booking an appointment. This sent him into a bit of a tailspin.

PTSD + return from warzone + no thearpist = big tailspin. Good chance I would have bailed under that much pressure

I believe it is an anniversary of sorts.

I'll throw this out to the supporters for clarification but I'm going to say knowing when anniversaries are is important for your sanity. You may never know what the anniversary is about but the time frame will probably be the same each year.

I take solace in the fact that he is still messaging me and he hasn't disappeared all together.

Yes!!
 
Poor hubby....

My version: I am out of isolation but everything ptsd related feels so far away right now. T and I talked about it this morning - it's like it just isn't all that important anymore and I feel fine. No nightmares, no intrusive memories, not cranky, just going thru the day --- It's all good. Or so I thought.

Hubby's version: I'm distant, keep snapping at him and had nightmares the last two nights. And then I lost my credit card because I am not focusing on what I'm doing. Plus I've been popping pain pills for the last 3 days.

the fun of the ptsd relationship....
 
I am so grateful that this thread is here so thank you very much.

Something I have struggled with and felt so ashamed, guilty and bad about is the fact that when I get triggered into the higher anxiety I have had to cancel so many plans I made with friends and family. I was reading a supporter thread and realized that this is normal behaviour for those who have PTSD and that I do not have to be ashamed of this anymore because there is a reason for this in that it is a symptom and many do this in their lives.

I cannot tell you how very relieved I was to read that it is something that is very common. I always had to explain to people before I knew about PTSD that there were things wrong with me but that was a huge mistake I made in ignorance that I no longer do.

I have decided the next time I make plans I am going to add a disclaimer telling them I have PTSD and have alot of anxiety and sometimes have to cancel and that it has nothing to do with the person. The relief I now feel is so incredible. Thanks again
 
Something I have struggled with and felt so ashamed, guilty and bad about is the fact that when I get triggered into the higher anxiety I have had to cancel so many plans I made with friends and family.

me too!!! And yes-- I had no idea that to the supporters it was ok because they understand. And that kind of made me feel bad because I don't give them enough credit. I think I'm either letting them down by not going or being uber bitchy when I go because I'm so stressed. To see it from their side -- as a symptom and not a failing? that has been amazing.
 
I had no idea that to the supporters it was ok because they understand.

Yes I am very grateful to all of the supporters very much because of the things I am learning right now.

I did lose some friends over this with them thinking I was just a flake. That only made me feel worse and I was even harder on myself which I now know is a dead end. So relieved today because this is something that I have struggled with all of my adult life. Thank you Freida.:hug:
 
I truly appreciate your insight and candor. I can’t speak for others but, for me, all I have ever asked is “tell me.”
Not knowing why was the hardest thing for me to deal with. You two are awesome and helped me to understand the “why.”

You have no idea of just how much your kind words mean to me. I wish I could have told my husband this way before he died and now it is too late. Thank you Snowflakes.:hug:
 
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