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What are they thinking?

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Freida, Dec 5, 2017.

  1. brokenEMT

    brokenEMT Well-Known Member

    yup, Broca's Area. It's a small portion of the frontal lobe linked to speech. Fun little bugger when it misfires.
    Junebug, Louski and Freida like this.
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  3. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

    here's a random thought that came to me while I was walking SD on how to explain ptsd.....

    Once upon a time I was on a cruise ship. It was great. Everything I needed was there, I was safe, I was happy, I was unafraid
    Then one day someone threw me overboard. Luckily I had a life jacket on so I didn't immediately drown. But the boat went on without me.
    Now I am dog paddling around in the middle of the ocean looking for safety
    I know there is land out there, someplace where I can be safe, where I won't drown. But I can't see it.
    So I paddle to keep my head above water.
    I paddle past the jellyfish that want to sting me and the seaweed that wants to tangle me and the sharks that want to eat me.
    I paddle in the water when it is calm, when it is choppy, when there are huge storms and waves so high I can't see over them
    I paddle because not paddling is not an option. If I do that the ocean will just carry me under
    I paddle because some day I hope...hope...I will see land.
    But it's a big ass ocean.
    So I can't be sure
    In the meantime..I paddle

    Whatcha think?
  4. Louski

    Louski Active Member Donated

    Wow @Freida this analogy is everything! I love it mainly because it is so full of hope and strength. I have learnt from my own fiancé and all of you lovely people on here that people who have been touched by PTSD are some of the strongest, bravest, most positive and life affirming people I know.

    It might not look like that on the outside to people who don’t understand or haven’t been affected by it, but I absolutely know that you and many others are trying your absolute best to beat it, to get out the other side, to win it over. You are a beautiful human @Freida. I wish there was a love button on this forum. X
  5. brokenEMT

    brokenEMT Well-Known Member

    Freida and Louski like this.
  6. Faith Andrews

    Faith Andrews My talent: pretending that I'm okay everyday Premium Member Donated

    Love this @Freida ! You nailed it.
    Freida and Louski like this.
  7. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

    and it's back to isolation mode.

    I'm really struggling with what came up in therapy last week and it is taking every ounce of energy I have not to get sucked in. I feel like stomping my feet and shrieking and screaming and throwing things -- but that's not how I roll. Instead I internalize and try to intellectualize and try to hide from the truth. Which takes up any chance for interacting with others -- there is no strength to do both

    I'm playing on my computer, spending hours here and other websites, walking the dog, avoiding everyone I can because I just don't trust myself not to lose my freaking mind on someone. I made it thru lunch with a friend yesterday but that was the end of my interactions with anyone because it was just so exhausting. I've got phone calls and texts and emails to return and I just cant make myself engage. I'm even ignoring hubby -- again.

    I want to be able to talk with them about what happened. But I can't. It is too horrible and would hurt them so much --- which I know is because they feel helpless and they know there is nothing they can do. So I live in my nightmare and try to ride it out, hoping it will end soon.

    and while I try to hold on I isolate.... wow - I barely made it two weeks this time.....
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  8. B.J.

    B.J. Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry @Freida. I pray things will improve for you very soon.
    Junebug and Freida like this.
  9. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

    crap. I need suggestions from supporters please....

    I'm back in isolation and hubby has been having a really crappy couple weeks and is super unhappy and stressed. The last thing he needs is to be dealing with my issues - again. I want to help, but it's like i'm looking at him thru a fog - I just can't really make myself engage. And he is trying to keep his distance to give me my space, which sucks because I should be there for him. But I every time I open my mouth I'm snarky. And I don't mean to be!!! Which now makes me feel like our whole marriage is going down the toilet. I know its not....but....

    Any suggestions???
    B.J. likes this.
  10. Sweetpea76

    Sweetpea76 Semper ubi sub ubi. Moderator Donated

    Honestly, if I'm stressed I'd rather deal with a little distance rather than snark.

    I know if my vet is distant it's not about me, however if he says mean shit to me it's more personal. This is doubly so if I am stressed and probably less patient than I usually am.

    Hugs are always appreciated when I'm stressed... and nobody has to talk.
  11. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

    oh good!!!! I was hoping that would be a possibility -- because the last thing I want to do is make his stress worse....
  12. Freida

    Freida Been There, Done That, Lived to Tell the Story Premium Member

    so you want to know about therapy

    Go to therapy they say. It makes it better. Go to therapy. learn to cope. Go to therapy. relive your nightmares.

    It has to be done to heal. But healing means ripping of the bandage and digging out the poison. That's what we mean when we say it gets worse before it gets better.

    PTSD therapy is different than Dr Phil therapy. Its taking events that you shouldn't have survived and reliving them.

    Every memory. You take those horrible events and you stuff them into a box. Then you put the box in a concrete container. Then you throw it into a volcano. But the box leaks. No matter how well you pack it and bury it away...it leaks. Sometimes whole memoirs, sometimes snippets that don't make any sense. But they return - and they are terrifying.

    Every emotion. Panic. Terror. hopelessness. helplessness. Shame. Anger. Fear. Guilt. All the emotions you had to stuff down to survive whatever god awful thing gave you the ptsd in the first place. The emotions you had to hide to stay alive. The emotions you believe will kill you if you let them out

    Then you relieve the physical pain. The broken bones. head injuries. cuts. bruises. internal injuries. Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming you can't breath. You know you aren't hurt. But you know you are. Which is real?

    You have to relive it so that it can process. You have to relive it to let it go. You have to relive it to find forgiveness for the horrible things you did to stay alive

    ptsd therapy can make you puke in your Ts office. It can make you hysterical. It can send you into flashbacks that you can't escape.
    It makes you act in ways that are embarrassing and humiliating. You can end up curled up on the floor, under a desk, bolting for the door. It makes you admit to things that you did that are not forgivable...that "normal" people can never even imagine.

    Then you come out of the office and try to return to your regularly scheduled day. or you come out so tired you are only able to make it home and go to bed - where the nightmares keep you awake all night. Sometimes the next day is so bad all you can do is sit on the couch in a dark room and pray for the feelings to pass. Maybe they will. Maybe they won't.

    the people around you don't understand and you can't explain. because explaining how you are acting means explaining WHY you are reacting. And you can't do that . Keep your distance. Don't let your poison affect them. Try to pretend that the memories and pain are not eating a hole in your brain while you are trying to fix dinner.

    then do it all again the next week.

    This is therapy.
  13. Junebug

    Junebug I'm a VIP Premium Member Donated

    Yes and do it alone.
    Warrior Chicken and Freida like this.
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