SOOOOO Ashamed
I was a police officer for 13 years yet I have done some bad things. On July 6th of this year I was at home and I couldnt sleep so I took 2 ambien. Soon after that I apparently took more ambien and apparently took several of my pain pills. I do not remember taking the pain medication which is a long acting form of Morphine. At about 3AM I apparently left the house and I broke into the pharmacy down the street that my friend owns. I apparently cut my hand very badly on the broken glass. I removed 3 bank bags from the store and walked home. When I woke up in the morning I noticed a large amount of blood in my bed and on the floor. I looked at my hand and I could see the tendons. I went to the kitchen and I asked my girlfriend to leave because I saw 3 bank bags on the kitchen table. Soon after my girlfriend left the house there was a patrol car in my driveway. I called my mother and told her to come to my house as I think I had done something bad. My friend who is a deputy Sheriff knocked on the door and I apparently called the Sheriff's Office and told them I had a razor knife and would cut my own throat. I finally put down the knife and let the deputy in. He attempted to handcuff me but my hand started bleeding profusely. Apparently he had followed the blood trail from the store to my front door. I was taken to the hospital and sewn up. I was then put in jail for 4 days and I was then transported to a crisis center for mental health treatment. I wsa released on 7-16-08 and I was feeling great as my new doctor adjusted my meds. The charge was reduced to a petite larceny and I have to do community service for the local church. I feel so ashamed about what happened but the truth is I have no recollection of even leaving the house that evening. If I had intentionally broken in to the plalce I would have used gloves and I certainly would not have left a blood trail to my house. The bank bags were returned untouched to the store. I am financially stable and do not need money. This seems so surreal yet I am dealing with it very well. I have been suffering from ptsd for about 12 years and depression my entire life. My older brother is also on SSDI for mental health issues and I remember him writing a journal in his own blood when I was very young. He used to tell me that he was going to kil himself and I always tried to save him and talk him out of it. I caught him tying a noose in his cellar in 1993. I am a mess but trying to get better I am currently taking Cymbalta and Prozac for my problems. I hope to talk to everyone here and I would love to make some friends that understand what I am going thru. It really helps commnicating with someone that understands what I am experiencing. God Bless.... Jeff.....
I was a police officer for 13 years yet I have done some bad things. On July 6th of this year I was at home and I couldnt sleep so I took 2 ambien. Soon after that I apparently took more ambien and apparently took several of my pain pills. I do not remember taking the pain medication which is a long acting form of Morphine. At about 3AM I apparently left the house and I broke into the pharmacy down the street that my friend owns. I apparently cut my hand very badly on the broken glass. I removed 3 bank bags from the store and walked home. When I woke up in the morning I noticed a large amount of blood in my bed and on the floor. I looked at my hand and I could see the tendons. I went to the kitchen and I asked my girlfriend to leave because I saw 3 bank bags on the kitchen table. Soon after my girlfriend left the house there was a patrol car in my driveway. I called my mother and told her to come to my house as I think I had done something bad. My friend who is a deputy Sheriff knocked on the door and I apparently called the Sheriff's Office and told them I had a razor knife and would cut my own throat. I finally put down the knife and let the deputy in. He attempted to handcuff me but my hand started bleeding profusely. Apparently he had followed the blood trail from the store to my front door. I was taken to the hospital and sewn up. I was then put in jail for 4 days and I was then transported to a crisis center for mental health treatment. I wsa released on 7-16-08 and I was feeling great as my new doctor adjusted my meds. The charge was reduced to a petite larceny and I have to do community service for the local church. I feel so ashamed about what happened but the truth is I have no recollection of even leaving the house that evening. If I had intentionally broken in to the plalce I would have used gloves and I certainly would not have left a blood trail to my house. The bank bags were returned untouched to the store. I am financially stable and do not need money. This seems so surreal yet I am dealing with it very well. I have been suffering from ptsd for about 12 years and depression my entire life. My older brother is also on SSDI for mental health issues and I remember him writing a journal in his own blood when I was very young. He used to tell me that he was going to kil himself and I always tried to save him and talk him out of it. I caught him tying a noose in his cellar in 1993. I am a mess but trying to get better I am currently taking Cymbalta and Prozac for my problems. I hope to talk to everyone here and I would love to make some friends that understand what I am going thru. It really helps commnicating with someone that understands what I am experiencing. God Bless.... Jeff.....