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What can i do

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Casey_03

MyPTSD Pro
I don't know what my options are, but I am in urgent need of help taking care of my son, or I have to give him up. In short -- I cannot both work and take care of him. It is no longer possible. I am on the verge of losing my job because he requires so much care when I am on my shift, and it is seriously interfering with my ability to work (i work from home). I have no one in my life to help me take care of him, and I can't afford to pay for a babysitter or daycare.

If this continues, I will have a complete breakdown. I'm already on the verge. I very nearly called 911 earlier today and I didn't even know what I'd say.

I don't think I have any options without money. If I quit my job to take care of him, I will have no income to pay for our rent and food. If I sue to get child support so I could afford a babysitter, that opens up a can of worms with his father, who is abusive towards me, and gives his father legal rights that he currently does not have. Is my only other option here adoption? That seems very drastic.
 
There is still the option of quitting your job and going on welfare...
 
I'm already on welfare. It's not enough to survive, certainly not enough to pay the rent. I was told the waiting list for section 8 housing will take several years.
 
I'm already on welfare. It's not enough to survive, certainly not enough to pay the rent. I was told t...
Take out an ad looking for live-in care in exchange for rent free, or low--low rent. Look in the housing wanted section on craigslist - sometimes there are individuals who are also struggling and are willing to do live in care.
 
Is my only other option here adoption? That seems very drastic

Nope. Not the only other option. And Yep. That is totally drastic. Doesn't mean you can't do it. Only that there are roughly a few hundred other options.

Probably because you were going rounds about to adopt or keep him while you were pregnant it's gotten stuck in your mind as one of those black and white choices. So when things get hard? That's just where your mind knee-jerks to. That choice you made between 2 things. It's an "easy" choice, in that it's all or nothing, this or that, black or white. (Clearly, the quotation marks are there because there's nothing easy about it. EXCEPT that it links arms happily with PTSD Black & White thinking in times of stress)

Which is also why I'm not going to sit here and write out every option in between. You're smart. This is something you can research, as if it were a story, IF your mind is capable of seeing other options. If it's not? My listing things out won't help you, because Black&White thinking is fierce in protecting the only two options it can clearly see. Even if I stumbled upon the holy grail of options? Your mind would argue it, discount it, and worse tag it as "Never!"

So that would be my suggestion. Take a step back. Break into your own thinking and deconstruct it.
 
The second bedroom is more or less off limits until the landlord decides to fix a hole in the floor that seems to be allowing a pretty nasty bug infestation. I don't even use the room right now and just keep the door closed, but can't imagine anyone would pay rent to live in there. The apartment is spacious, but it's not that spacious, not enough so that if someone were to live in the living room, it wouldn't wreak havoc on the baby's sleep (our room is right next to the kitchen and bathroom, and the door does not close.)

Realistically, I think the best option is to go back to Ukraine. I can afford a nanny there, and I can afford healthcare and living expenses. The biggest problem since moving back to the U.S. has been that I can't afford a damn thing here, and the family members that seemed so eager to help before ... well, it was just words, really. They just said that but I don't think they meant it.
 
1st, write a letter that you will be holding back rent until your landlord fixes the hole in the floor which is a saftey and health hazard. We have a health department here in the US and a standard a landlord must adhere to. Google this but this is Florida State law. Tenants rights per the State (so google this for your State before attempting) but my ex and I found this in the tenant rights law in Florida and this is how it works here. We write a letter, get it notorized (if I am remembering right) we keep a copy and give them a copy and we advise we are with holding rent until it is fixed and they have 30 days (I believe).

I am saying I believe and I think cause it was 13 yrs ago. Another reason to research this.

It has to be breaking code. Electric code, health code, fire code, etc per the State codes. A hole in a bedroom floor allowing bugs in, I would say, breaks health code in every State and is a saftey hazard. Especially with a child.

Holding rent (if your State allows) saves you money AND once fixed you can rent that room out. But research State tenant laws and tenant rights.

You have options. You just need to be in a space to take in those options.
 
I do have options, that I know. But most of them will take some time, and I am beginning to feel like I can't hold on for more than a few more days. Which is why I've been asking my nearest relatives to help me, take my son for a few days or something, but everyone has excuses. They're all too busy. To be fair, they probably are busy and they're not obliged to help. But the alternative here is I end up checking myself into a hospital over fears of an impending nervous breakdown. And in that case I don't know what would happen to my son. I should have never moved back to the U.S. That was the worst thing I could have done.
 
@Casey_03, does your therapist know about this? Maybe make a sooner appmt with them? Work through DBT? Buy to book either Amazon Prime (so it is delivered next day) or at Target. Work through that. Go to the DBT classes if you can. That helps with emotional regulation and distress tolerance.

Use some DBT self soothing and distraction techniques.
 
I am no longer having sessions - can't afford it anymore now that I pay rent. I will try looking into a DBT workbook but doubt the baby is going to give me any time to use it.
 
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