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What Do You Think Causes People To Act Like This? Do They Really Feel Pride And Glory?

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Glen Myers

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Are the people who try to go around everywhere looking for the smallest things to start beef (fights, arguments, drama, etc.) over insecure or something? I'm pretty short and I had a friend who was the same height as me who always felt the need to instigate fights with others or get into other people's altercations (the reason I point out our height is because I feel like it might of been a napoleon complex he possibly had, who knows what it really is though). For example, if he saw two people verbally getting at each other, he would try to make it so they got even more mad at each other and tried to make them fight. I always felt an intense anger when he did that, how could someone actually smile while yelling and motivating the people to fight each other by saying things like "OOHHH YOU'RE JUST GONNA LET HIM DO THAT? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?", how is that any entertainment? I just walked away and looked at my phone when stuff like that happened.

I never really wanted to go around fighting everyone or looking for beef to start, in fact i'm REALLY timid and don't like the idea of a physical altercation unless some stranger randomly assaults me in public. I don't believe in starting fights because the other person was "talking smack" and getting your panties in a bunch over a hurt pride. Real self defense is justified, backing your ego isn't. At least in my opinion.

Either way the group we rolled with was pretty aggressive except for me, which caused them to pick on me quite a bit even though I offered my friendship and nothing but respect. They were really big on having respect through physical dominance in their neighborhood. One night my friend who was the same height as me was over at my house and we were both drinking, He was talking about wanting to go to the mall the next day, I agreed but I had to make some ground rules, I had enough of him blowing up at strangers and trying to make a big deal out of nothing. I told him "fine i'll go, but I'm not backing you up if you get into any stupid sh*t." and he said "what are you talking about?", like he was genuinely unaware of what I was referring to. I said "you don't know how to let stuff go, you always want to be like 'What are you looking at me like that for!?', 'you wanna go!?' and 'what's good', you don't know how to let it go man!" and he got really offended, like I hit a soft spot. He said "you're a p*s sy, you won't do sh*t!, you just let everyone fu*k wit you", I called him a D*ck and he said "it's better than being a p*ssy" really pissed off. Nothing pissed me off more than the fact that people actually have to think that fighting over words and going around acting all macho is what it means to be a "man"

Need I remind you, 3/4 of the freakin time he wanted to start something with someone, they did NOTHING TO US. They just seemed to be another group of kids like us (trouble makers), minding their own business. A lot of the time they weren't looking for trouble and you could tell they were getting into their own mess (drinking, hanging out wasting time) but they weren't looking for a fight or anything. My friend always instigated it.

My bad for censoring all of the words, this originally went on Yahoo! answers and they would of censored the whole word, leaving people unaware of the words I was going to try to use.
 
This was YEARS ago hahaha, the only time I talk to these people is when I run into them in public, I only run into the ones that didn't really mess with me out of the group and we just say "OH HEY WOW IT'S BEEN SO LONG!" and go out seperate ways, I have a lot of anger and depression that i'm dealing with due to some of them in particular but as of now I have surrounded myself with completely loving/supportive friends.

I just want people's opinions on possibly why they act like this, child abuse? neglect? drugged out parents? the short friend who was a hot head had the most money out of all of us, he came from a very well off family so I doubt poverty made them act like that. Some of them had less money than me, some of them had more.


What I CAN say is my father NEVER hit me, and my mom did everything in her power to teach me how to have manners and be civilized. So even when I tried fitting in with these people I couldn't push myself to be that ignorant and violent (or violent at all), I'm a lover not a fighter but I don't believe that fact alone is what caused them to be inhumane and bitter towards everything while I ended up caring about having manners and being proper to some extent (even when I was hanging out with trouble makers hahaha)
 
I think that you want a reason "why" but the "why" doesn't really matter as it never brings any sort of closure. In the end, who gives a damn why? I mean, do I question why my abuser molested me? No. Honestly, I don't understand why it seems that everyone needs to know "WHY" someone does something. Is it to excuse away their behavior? In the end, I don't give a damn about what happened to you....ok, I do, but what I am saying is that it doesn't make it OK for you to act like a total sh!t. Yes, I've done terrible things in my life, and I own up to them. But what makes me different than many out there is that I am trying to change. I don't sit here and give everyone a song and dance about how I am allowed to act like a horrid human being because I was abused as a child. I don't accept that sort of behavior in myself, so I wont accept it in anyone else. A bad past is no reason to treat others like crap.
 
I agree with you that no matter what they went through is NO excuse to act the way they did. It's just when i find out more bad details about their life (which I have, such as them getting addicted to drugs, going to adult jail and crying like a bitch in the squad car, not ever getting a real education beyond high school) it makes me feel like I have the upperhand. The fact that i'm doing better than them (in college, staying out of trouble completely, have a steady job and a healthy group of friends.) makes me so proud about not being accepted by such useless people.

A lot of them didn't have fathers, they were in jail or they left them while they were young. I'm pretty sure they have a lot of anger towards the world because of that and were jealous of me (I had a really loving father, still do). I like thinking that they go to bed at night knowing their parent's treated them like shit growing up and I get to reminisce about how my parents gave me all the care they need. I like to think about how some of them are in jail while i'm at home eating steak and shrimp enjoying music. They don't deserve to have any bit of peace or happiness and the life they've decided to live has lead them to a life of failure and crime. I think it's hilarious how they've fallen slaves to prescription drugs and meth. I'm just hoping they never recover and eventually overdose, or live the rest of their lives in pure, drugged out misery.

One of them got caught breaking into people's houses to support his drug habit, he still has to go to court but i'm really hoping he does a couple of years in prison. That will be whole years taken out of his life, like all of the years i've wasted reliving the horror they put me through when I just tried to be one of them. I should of NEVER had to prove physical prowess to be accepted by them.

Although I realize if I was accepted by them i'd be in the same position they are, so for that I am grateful.
 
There are as many reasons "why" as there are people.... But there tend to be groupings of why.

The negative ones you listed (abuse & neglect) are 1 grouping. You kick a dog (or a kid) and they either tuck tail and whimper, or learn to bite back hard.

There are a whole lot of neutral groupings. Things that are just how society functions. In group / out group, social dominance order / pecking order, learned behavior, cultural norms, etc. Whether you're looking at a violent street gang, or Amnesty International... Groups of humans behave in really predictable patterns. We arrange ourselves in a certain order, require certain things (behaviors, dress, tone of voice, etc,) from people within that order, punish & reward for adhering to those rules or breaking them.

There are also a lot of positive groupings. Protective instincts, urge to win, determination, etc.

_________

If you met me, you'd probably think I'm one of the most chill, laid back people ever. A total sweetheart. I choose to be amused by most things in life, and I've been told I've got the patience of a saint*.

I'm also incrediably violent, very dangerous, and have a wicked hot temper. Most people don't see that side of me... Because I almost never have to whip it out. I let it off its leash sometimes, especially around young bucks who are trying to make their bones, just enough to peek out. <grin> That's actually kind of fun. Nope. You don't want to mess with me. The smart ones back down. And even young idiots mouthing off, especially those raised around violence, get it quick. And back down. I don't have to do anything but look at them. But most of the time I practice being invisable. It's fun. Different areas require different things in order to be invisable, and it's fun to play around with. A lot of the sweetest, kindest, most honorable people you'll ever meet are incrediably violent, very dangerous, and have wicked hot tempers. The difference between the former pro footballer or soldier turned kindergarten teacher & someone in a maximum security prison? The thin line of self control. (Ditto the total jerk off the field and the stand up guy off the field). Choosing when and where they act a certain way, and to what extent. A person can enjoy violence, but not need to take that violence out on everyone they meet.

Young kids... They don't have a place, yet. Whether it's on wall street or the streets... The place is inside their own head (mostly). They need to make a name, find their place, figure out who they are, and how they fit in the scale. This makes them extremely obnoxious. Because they invariably do it at full volume. They overact (whether it's flirting, fighting, studying, dressing, drinking, preaching, whatever... It's all very big and showy), overcompensate, transition badly (dude, that act there, this act here). There is this need for other people to notice them, and agree with their own determination of themselves. So the fighter acts all tough guy, and wants everyone else to agree... The flirt acts all sex kitten, and wants everyone else to agree... The studious, the sports god, the artist... It's everyone living their lives on display and wanting recognition. So I usually find them cute.

* I actually have about zero patience whatsoever. So it cracks me up when people call me patient, because it's something I reeeeeeeally need to work on. It's just that the things that annoy or enrage most people I tend to find amusing. Like obnoxious kids. Drives my son nuts, because I don't believe in getting emotionally invested in an argument with a child.

Anyhow... The in your face thing? That's mostly age. The picking fights with everyone is most likely part of defining who he wants to be/how he wants to think of himself (neutral) OR that's simply what he believes is normal (negative).

There are some very dangerous variants to this, but from what you described, he doesn't sound like one. He just sounds young & stupid. Not that young and stupid isn't dangerous, but it's in a different weight class than say dead eyed killer or loco.
 
Would you say there are physical characteristics as to why you can be so violent/intimidating? (are you really tall or big?) or is it something in your character and the energy you give off? In other words, is the only way to give off that vibe to make even the worst people stand down, to be physically intimidating? or is there something more important and unseen?

Sorry to bring this up but it just bothers me that a lot of people don't get messed with because of their size, people perceive them as huge or tough because of their build and back off (I know a guy who's 6'3" and is scared to fight, people don't mess with him...). They see a smaller guy who probably couldn't stand up so well in a fight and all of the sudden let's take advantage of him. Even if the smaller guy walked with his chin up and ignores hateful comments, eventually someone will try to get him to physically fight by provoking him.
 
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@Glen Myers

Characteristics now? Sure. It's the eyes. Also a lot of really subtle (or overt) body cues. But people usually twig on the eye thing. And a thing to note: it doesn't make everyone back down. It's usually only the young kids who are spoiling for a fight. Teens & early 20s. They back down. Old hands are usually looking to avoid a fight, but not always. They don't back down. There's only 3 choices at that point: fight, come to an understanding, or nod and leave in peace if they let you. And crazy people, well you can never really predict what crazy people are going to do. That's the crazy part. And that's anyone having a bad day.

Watch people. Watch how they move, and how others react to those movements. A cop, for example, has a pretty easily identifiable way of standing/walking. Part of that is the vest, but most of it isn't. Watch a fighter or a gymnast move or a dancer move. 3 different, but similar ways of walking. Watch soldiers walk (newbies are funny, though... We used to call the exaggerated 'arms away from body' walk 'air lats by Nike'). Watch how teenagers exaggerate all their movements. Watch how people who get harassed tend to scurry about, with their heads down and shoulders tucked in, and constantly making eye contact and then looking away really fast, instead of letting their eyes roll over someone without making eye contact, or contact and brief acknowledgement. Watch how busy people walk, how people with nothing to do kind of drift, how flirts bounce, how bangers drop bounce (kind of a half limp), how stoners walk with their hips forward, how the same person walks differently in the morning and at night (commuters are a good example, but anyone works). Watch the differences between men and women. If you can, watch different culture-walks. An American, Japanese, & Russian businessmen (or mom, footballer, etc.) all wall differently from each other, but there will also be a sameness to them. Also rent a bunch of b-grade movies. Bad acting is priceless for learning how people move. Because nothing shows how something is done better than watching it done badly. You might not catch the nuance in real people/good acting, but the glaring mistakes of bad acting either show you an exaggeration of the movement, or the total lack of something needed.

Like I said... Most of the time, now, I focus on being invisible. Which means to blend. Become part of the background. That means different things in different areas. There are different "blank slates" that everyone else ignores as "belonging". Sometimes they're not what you might expect. Acting cocky paints you as a threat in the ghetto, and you won't make it more than a few blocks without being challenged. But acting scared will get you pounced on even faster. Blank slate in most projects is deaf/dumb/blind. Not predator. Not prey. Just like acting perky or pre-coffee tired (but very clean) in most suburbs will paint you invisible. A blank slate.

As a kid? I grew up on military bases all over the world... So I had to learn to adapt to whatever the cultural norms were. And sometimes I just didn't care (which either led to me being super popular or super freak, depending on how my mannerisms from the last move translated into the next move). So I played around with different ways of acting, talking, walking to see how that would change how people reacted to me.

As to why I like violence (in its place)? I couldn't tell you. No more than I could tell you why I like art, music, food, being on the water, or history. I can tell what I like about them, but not why I like them in the first place.
 
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