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What holds you back from healing?

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saraemerald

MyPTSD Pro
There are a variety of things that hold us back from truly healing and figuring out what it is, is essential.
Fear, shame, lack of support or lack of validation, an addiction, untrustworthy people, etc.
I personally found myself holding back my own recovery because I wanted someone to genuinely care about me before I recovered. I wanted love and for someone to be close to me and help me heal. I wanted to heal and was confident I could but I wanted someone to help me heal and to see my wounds. If my wounds were healed, there would be no one to see the wounds I once had. I also had magical thinking that held me back from healing and turned me into somewhat of a drama queen. I wanted a man to save me. I always waited naively for some knight in shining armor to come along and notice me and fall in love.
These things prevented me from fully embracing healing.
I needed validation and support. I also needed people in my life that would encourage me and support my choice of healing holistically as well as therapy. This, I did not have. This lead me to feeling misunderstood and unsupported and alone in my recovery. I healed myself to the best of my ability with what I knew and with therapy and then I sabotaged it.
EVERYONE needs support and if you have friends that don't support methods of recovery that you are comfortable with and that you have chosen for your recovery or they are disrespectful of your decisions or hold you back, FIND NEW FRIENDS.
There are many options out there available for recovery and many of them have been proven to help people heal PTSD symptoms, in the field of psychology and neuroscience. There's some pretty amazing research out there and different modes of support.

I also wanted to share the other thing that held me back that perhaps others can relate to.
Once I heal my symptoms, who am I and where do I go from here?
That's it? I'm OK now? What was the purpose of all the pain, the abuse as a child and then the truly painful PTSD symptoms where I feel like my body is going to snap, my jaw's so tight, my body is trembling, adrenaline is pumping through my body like crazy electricity, I can't breathe and I'm trying to hide my symptoms so I don't look like a freak!
So now my symptoms are gone and I should be happy but I'm like, um, this is cool. So I'm fine now. And my friends either can't even tell or they just don't care. So cool.
 
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It's unconsciously rocking the boat in new situations, with people who I do not trust, by telling too much of my own truth... in other words, like the situation I am in now.. being scapegoated.... I entered the situation saying. , I don't do neighbors, which I don't... but I didn't have to say it out loud... I put people on the defense , and I also went against my own judgement and sat in on a few neighbor chats... I did not participate, I left... so many things I could have done different, but I didn't think, I didn't take time to really see how I was feeling and how I wanted to BE in this situation.... I set myself up to be the scapegoat, again....
 
Lack of support...I’m on my own but there’s also a deep fear of opening myself to people. I have trouble with the whole ‘having needs’ thing & detest myself for having them. Drinking is a big one too...I’ve created bigger messes for myself by using alcohol to manage symptoms/avoid dealing with feeling anything which has only added more to the shame factor. Trust issues. Dissociation...another big one. :banghead:
 
There are a variety of things that hold us back from truly healing and figuring out what it is, is...
Well put, Saraemerald.
I. Agree. With. Every. Single. Word. You. Wrote.
I'm throwing everything I've got into my healing and I'm confident I'll get there, but somedays the process is confusing and painful.
Yes, after living a lifetime in pain, I really don't know who I am without it, but I'm bound and determined to find out.
Thanks for penning such a thought-provoking theme. ~Victory
 
Sometimes the surrounding environment hasn't been helpful- but that also gives me chances to practice grounding, boundaries, assertiveness, defining my own problems, being responsible, forgiveness, understanding, understanding myself.

For me, I think general self acceptance, hope, and working on trying to be or rather become, or have, quiet courage is what I don't have/ need that are some of my barriers. To be more grateful, gracious, and work on trust(ing). Not sure- defined more what I need to do, rather than what's in the way- what's in the way therefore is me, my own fears. (Not fear of improvement, I can remember a time I didn't live with this.)

Thank you, good thread.

I think worry less and just 'do'/ baby steps (for me).
 
My healing really took off when I joined here where I got healthy support. I was alone and had no support that got me in what I have been going through.

With healthy support here I count myself really lucky because I have re entered the therapy process for myself and have been able to take new risks and achieving some successes which has speeded everything for me. Having real healthy support and good intentioned caring for me has modaled safe and good love for me as well.

Environment helps too. I now live in a place where I have the normal relationships I did not have before with good neighbors and friends and have greatly reduced my stress levels too.

This is a great topic to discuss thank you for this thread.
 
Mostly in the past it has been a combination of severe internal fighting/denial which meant I became unwell and unsafe any time I went near it (backlash not pretty and very scary); inability to stay aware/connected in therapy and therefore gain/manage it effectively, combined with severe trust issues. Long entrenched habit of doing things alone and not verbalising anything - even internally. Shame and all the rest is there of course but this stuff comes before it can get to the front of the class.

Now its mostly that life has shoved me into a position where I am again forced to pretend I am functional and keep walking the tightrope (been doing that desperately for the last year and trying desperately not to topple), and the latter still very present trust issues. Especially severe distrust of t or me being able to safely/helpfully do it. Help from others still also feels decidedly wrong and counter intuitive. Have accomplished a lot with this though from sheer force of will and practicing on line. Compared to how I was.
 
For the past few years it's mostly been a logistics thing, for me. Until I can stabilize my life, the wi...
When life is crazy, it's definitely harder to stay stable especially with unexpected, added stress.

It's unconsciously rocking the boat in new situations, with people who I do not trust, by telling too muc...
I've definitely done that too, overshared. In the past, I've done that when I can't hide my PTSD symptoms but I don't want to look crazy to unstable, so then I would start to overshare to compensate.
Thanx for sharing.

Lack of support...I’m on my own but there’s also a deep fear of opening myself to people. I have tr...
Lack of support sucks so much and is a big reason for me personally with self-sabotage.

Well put, Saraemerald.
I. Agree. With. Every. Single. Word. You. Wrote.
I'm throwing everything I've...
Thank you. PTSD becomes so consuming, especially when our symtoms are debilitating and then we spend so much time and effort managing symptoms that it's so weird when we no longer have those symtoms, right?

My healing really took off when I joined here where I got healthy support. I was alone and had no support...
Environment is a big thing!
 
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