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What If The People In Your Life That Matter Don't Accept Ptsd As A "real" Thing?

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MT Johnny

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I'm really at this horrible place after 2 1/2 years of therapy, etc - because I need my immediate family to 1) accept that it's a "real" medical thing, just like cancer is a real medical thing; 2) cut me some slack and not always act like I'm the bad guy 24/7 because I don't "do things like I used to" or "have the same interests" or whatever; 3) view me as weak or flawed or a bad person.

How do you get other people to understand that what you have gone through is real and you're really suffering in a way that is beyond your control? Especially if they have the attitude that it's something you made up in your mind as an excuse for whatever ...?
 
but to add onto just that video. It never is easy. I struggled with a really long time getting my wife to understand that my ptsd wasn't something that I was just going to get ride of and then our brother in law moved in and now he's at the point thinking that it's just something that I should get over but after I showed him the video the link that I posted and he is now a little bit more understanding but not much. It's pretty much a don't talk about with him kind of thing...

I was also thinking back to another post on a different thread about my whole I don't give a f attitude and the whole I don't give a f attitude only works with people that I'm not related to. The only reason my wife and boys, and brother in law know is because they are around me so much. I don't even really tell my parents a whole lot. There is a link in my diary of when I told my story and a link to a news article and I sent my parents the link to the news article but that was really it. If it comes up I only talk a little bit about it but if it doesn't then I just don't bring it up because there is still the fear that their view of me will change in a negative way.
 
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I don't.

'A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion, still.'
― Anonymous

They can view me as weak or flawed (or superman, whatever)... And I am utterly powerless to change that point of view. It's their own, and they not only have a right to it, but 'see above'. What I do have power over is adjusting how much I care about what they think of me. They're going to think of me as they please. That's not my business. What I think of myself, otoh, is. And just because someone else thinks of me a certain way? In no way obligates me to agree with them.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
 
Wot Friday wrote

and I do not consider it to be in the least bit "medical". Certainly the effects on our lives are sh!t, but that does not imply that a quack is the person to go to - however much he or she might want the attention.

an interesting question to ask yourself is:

why do you need these people's validation for what you are feeling inside?

If they are toxic, tell them to feck off and mind their own business
 
I'm sorry to hear what you're going thru Johny. I really like what Holdenmonty said and I agree. I would also like to thank him for the vid. That can help a lot of people to "maybe" understand better? I have experienced the same issues as I don't like the things I used to, or cannot do or watch certain things that people are used to have me do/watch. My own husband has expressed his own frustration that I refuse to watch certain movies now because they trigger me. He's trying to understand but because he doesn't suffer from PTSD he really can't. It also doesn't help that my issues do not stem from Military experience where some people think PTSD should only effect. I've had people say that to me and it hurts. Trauma comes in all forms and not just from the military.

Holdenmonty is right that it actually changes your brain. My counselor told me that when she diagnosed me with Chronic PTSD. It's not imaginary and it certainly does not make you or anyone else "flawed" or "weak". It's a physical condition in your brain and we are all trying to heal from it. It is not different then suffering from other physical ailments but sadly people are slow to get on that understanding train. If you broke a bone and had to use crutches, does that make you weak? NO. I think all we can do is try to educate people more, but I feel there are some that will never understand and sadly that can include our own family/loved ones. I wish I had more advice but even I have issues with this. I get to a point where I don't say anything and just talk to those who do understand like the wonderful people on this site.
 
People in my life know I have PTSD and if they didn't think it's real, screw them and they're outta here. My biological family think I'm a drama queen so they can....well, you know. I've been cursing too much on this forum and I need to watch my language.

Wen, do you have chronic PTSD or complex PTSD?

Heather
 
The people in your life are NEVER going to accept PTSD as a real thing as long as you yourself don't accept it. (As based on your other posts.) And, why should they? You're sending everyone the message that it isn't serious, and as such, they aren't going to take it seriously either.

So before you blame the rest of the world for not accepting PTSD, examine your own role in all of this.

Accept your PTSD for what it is and others will start to take you seriously.

@FridayJones hit the nail on the head.

In your posts, OP, I see a lot of running from the disorder itself and deflection. Until you accept reality, healing is going to be one helluva struggle. Well, it is regardless, but even more so when you yourself are fighting against your own progress.
 
Aargh. Boy am I familiar with this one. It took a very long time for my family to come to accept that I have PTSD. My mother does (and honestly she's got a whopping case herself, though she's big into avoidance,) My father? Well.. I don't know. He's usually drunk and jolly, so I just don't press the issue with him. My brother and sister-in-law? HELL NO. They will never accept it. No way, no how. They don't believe in illness or hardship until it strikes them personally, and then they scream bloody murder.

As for the rest of the people in my life.. I just don't talk about it that much. I mean, I've told some of them.. They took it with varying levels of interest. I think most of them were already open to the answer because *everybody* knows that I'm a little off. They've all seen my bipolar in abundance, so when I told them it was rooted in this, they believed me. But my peer group is mainly composed of other weirdos like me, so it's not that far-fetched in their minds. We focus a lot more on fun and achievements than we do misery.

And Friday was dead right. You can't change another person's beliefs, no matter how you try. So you shouldn't try to. It's not your duty, or your place. Sometimes you just gotta let people be wrong. (and watch out that you don't get too cocky about being Correct with a capital C. Sometimes we aren't.) :hug:

Aargh.. but I really haven't given you a good answer. Okay so.. keeping in mind that you can't change other people's minds for them, you still gotta take care of yourself. Don't let 'em walk all over you, and for gods sake, don't try and pretend things are okay when they aren't. Just tell them the truth, and be willing to walk away if you have to. I know that is a hell of a lot easier to say than to do, but it may be necessary. There's a reason I never speak to my brother any more.
 
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Especially if they have the attitude that it's something you made up in your mind as an excuse for whatever ...?
I had to move on. I had a frank talk with them, realized they, for whatever reason, didn't get it and made my choices.
1. Could I work at healing with them around me still?
2. Were they toxic to me?
3. Why did I feel the need to have them in my life?

Then I came to this. If you aren't helping me heal, being quiet while I heal or supporting me in my healing, then get out of my way. I have shit to do.
 
I am of the same opinion as @FridayJones and @Solara. You can't make them accept it, or agree with it. It is what it is.

It really does ultimately come down to you. The only person who can stop a panic attack is you. The only person who can process your trauma is you. The only person who understands how shitty you feel is you. When you go to your psychologist and work on your therapy, the psychologist isn't doing anything for you. You are. They can give you tools to ground you, provide a sounding board to assist you with listening to yourself. But ultimately every step of progress or regress, is you.

It is a very difficult lesson to learn. Especially when it was someone else's actions which caused your PTSD. Now you have sole responsibility to try to pick up the pieces of your shattered self. It sucks, it's unfair, it is what it is.
 
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