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What Is Best To Say To A PTSD Sufferer?

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Ann Onimous

New Here
Hi!

As a carer, I often find myself reading the thread titled "What Never to Say to a PTSD Sufferer." After reading so many comments that retraumatize and fill a sufferer with rage, I feel like nothing a carer does or says will be effective.

So, I'd like to ask this: What would you suggest we carers say? What have been your most comforting, effective, and positive comments? What can we say that will not hurt feelings or cause more problems?

After reading so many "what not to do's," I need someone to tell me what to do. I'd like to be a better carer. :smile:

Thank you!
 
"I'm sorry you went through something so awful, I am here to help in any way I can."

"I'll aways be here for you, if you need anything let me know."

"I'm not leaving, no matter how hard this gets."

"I love you"

"I'm willing to listen if you want/need to talk."

It basically comes down to honest sincerety and willingness to help, without thinking you have all the answers, and without giving little platitudes, that could sound careless and insensitive.

It is hard for us when people tell us they know how we feel, because unless you have PTSD, you most likely don't know how we feel. It is also hard when we're fed generic answers like "it was meant to be" "there has to be a purpose"..it doesn't make us feel better,it gets us angry because it makes us feel like we were a specific target.

Basically all we are asking for is support, someone to be there for us, who understands our needs, and isn't going to leave when things get tough.

I realize it is a lot to ask, and that a carer must go through just as much as a sufferer when dealing with PTSD. Even though we don't know how to say it sometimes, we are very thankful for you, and your help as carers.
 
Good question, Ann! I will have to think on this one a while before I come up with anything else.

I agree with what Kunoichi says.

Also, when I'm crying, it helps when DH holds me and says, "I've got you." I don't feel so alone.

The other triggered times, really not saying much of anything is best. If I want to talk, just listen and say short, sympathetic phrases or make sympathetic noises - don't actually try and hold a conversation with me. And if I don't want to talk, just leave me alone and don't say anything. Sometimes I just need to be in my own little world for a while.
 
Hello Ann,

I would imagine: "I will be with you; don't give up."

Also, "I don't love you despite the ptsd, I love you because of the ptsd, because I love you just as you are."

-"Code words" are good because it doesn't involve a lot of questions on "bad days"- like numbers for triggers, or how the day's going, for example, "+10" ,(-50,000), whatever. I find it good to be able to laugh when you can.

Anyway, thanks for asking-that's just me, probably not best one to reply. I think you are already a terrific 'carer' or you wouldn't have asked.:Hug_emoticon:

I think sensitivity and genuine love/concern go a long way.
 
Sorry Ann- thought of 2 more that made me once feel a lot better (especially if you're ashamed or going pretty hard on yourself):

"I love you more today than yesterday, and I will love you more tomorrow than today."

and :"I wouldn't want to be in a world without you in it."

:)
 
June:

yea when i got dissociatiion: i tell him i'm fighting going on vacation or i'm on vacation, so he knows what's going on :)

My DH says "I have loved you in the past, i love you in the present and i will continue to love you in the future".

also hearing "your safe" helps me too
 
I read Kunoichi's "I'm never going to leave you" and that really hits me. Yes. That's it. I would really need someone to say 'I'm not going to leave you'. I think that's my biggest fear. That my 'impossible behavior' will drive away those I love. And that HAS happened - too often...

I wish I could show this list to someone I'm having problems with right now... I SO wish for him to understand - and all I get is discussion.... When I try to ask for this type of care or understanding I hear that I am too demanding, basically....
 
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