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What Is Going On?

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Hi. I'm new here.

For the last 5 years or so, I've had several recurring nightmares of me being raped. Although, I'm sure I've never been raped. But the first nightmare I just remember seeing a shadow of a man pinning me down. It felt extremely real like if I was awake and someone was on top of me. I remember waking up breathing heavily, shaking, and too scared to go back to sleep. I thought it was just a one-time nightmare but I've been having them ever since. --- I've had an incident where a friend has tried to take advantage of a situation (no longer friends with him) and I've only been depressed once due to that incident but have struggled with trust issues and never liked it when a man stared or touched me (even if it wasn't in a sexual way). I'm also VERY paranoid due to the incident that happened with this "friend" in March. -- When I was in middle school this same friend would touch my waist several times and pull me next to him. I'd walk fast but he'd catch up and do it again. I don't remember if he put his hand lower or not but I blocked that memory out of my mind all these years and it's starting to come back. I've also had an image stuck in my head of a hand on my leg for about 4 days and recently had, what seemed like a flashback for a split sec or 2 of me sitting on a couch swing and someone coming over and putting their hand on leg. I had a mini panic attack. Idk if this is just a false memory or what. But it's starting to freak me out. Why can't I remember if something happened?
 
Memories are sensory experiences and not all memories are real, and a lot are. I or anyone can't say with 100% certainty that a memory is real or not. That's for a trauma/sexual violence/PTSD expert to talk through about.

Also, when someone is traumatized, the brain blocks bad things from coming forth to help itself. I have it from my childhood sexual abuse.
 
Hello musiclover and welcome :)

i couldn't read anything past your third sentence, but may i offer some reassurance.

reccuring dreams are often dramatic depictions of our feelings. it is usually a feeling we have suppressed or ignored. it doesnt necessarily mean you were ever raped.

Nightmares of rape may suggest you need to deal with feelings of powerless, domination, humiliation, manipulation, despair or fear.

are you currently seeing a therapist? they can offer great insight, not having the same emotional reaction to the dream content, they can draw parallels to events or themes in your life that could be triggering the dreams' recurrence.
 
Dreams and memories can be so complex, and even with the best therapy, they are not always solved, but it is certainly worth trying while it is fresh-asap.

When I gave birth to my last daughter 26 yrs ago, while in the hospital, I had a vivid dream of being raped during the night. It was literally traumatizing. I was going home that morning and told my husband and he was angry and told me never to speak of it again because he worked at this hospital. I held it in and it became destructive to me.

As Shamro said, they can be sensory. I had been in a car accident during my pregnancy and my health weakened. I had an 18 month old and 7th grader. My husband was not very supportive. A couple yrs ago I read about women who feel raped from giving birth (the act of birth), more complicated than that. I had evidently been given a shot of demerol that night (dont know why but medical records state this), which I had never had before.
I sure wish I would have dealt with this at the time thoroughly.
 
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