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Poll What Support Do You Have?

What support do you have?

  • Supported by partner

    Votes: 18 15.4%
  • Supported by other family

    Votes: 5 4.3%
  • Supoorted by a close friend

    Votes: 15 12.8%
  • Supported by a circle of friends

    Votes: 15 12.8%
  • Support from therapist only

    Votes: 33 28.2%
  • Support from therapy group

    Votes: 2 1.7%
  • No support

    Votes: 29 24.8%

  • Total voters
    117
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Meadowsweet

MyPTSD Pro
I read quite a lot about how important support is to people.

In particular people with support, or supporters, speak about being able to take time out at times when symptoms are particularly fierce.

I think I'm fortunate that I remain functional in some areas. I'm a single mother, and being the best mother I can be is my lifeline in a lot of ways.

But I have a persona for different parts of my life (like being a mother), and although it works on the outside, I don't feel its good for me on the inside.

Sometimes I feel like I need time out to focus on my mind and let it all surface. But the stop switch and the coping mechanisms that allow me to function, shove stuff back down inside until I can give it my attention. Its exhausting.

I manage. But I worry that I won't be able to deal with the added intensity of therapy, or that I won't give my all to therapy because I'm holding off so that I can function.

So I'm interested to hear how others cope or have coped. And what support others have to help them.
 
I really haven't had any support for a long time. I've been away from this forum for a year or two. I had one good therapist(and many bad ones). I was able to say anything and everything with her, had EMDR therapy there which was the single best help I've had.
PTSD has a way of alienating us from people and life, if we aren't carefull.

Just tonight, I was overwhelmed with a desire to be able to....let it all out, hold nothing back, not have to care what I say, think or believe.

The coping mechinisms work well in keeping us functioning. That is in fact the main reason we end up with PTSD. We have to develop a way to "stuff" the bad things in order to keep doing our job, keep living, etc.
All those things we "stuff" cause much of our symptoms, and most of the "fix" is in uncovering that buried "stuff" and the false lies we believe from our trauma. It's hard to trust fully, a therapist or anybody at first. I hope that comes for you so you can work out your "stuff". It's not easy but it is necessary. If it is too painful, the therapist should slow down and let you set the pace to some degree.

Right now, all I can say is....We ALL need to be able to talk about anything/everybody with somebody. I am an open book and glad to share anything. Just a bit, uhh burned out at the moment.

Yes, I usually cope by talking to others, listening, supporting and hopefuly get some back.
 
I suppose I have a circle of friends as my support, along with a T, who is beyond fantastic, and who is the personI consider to be my primary supporter/confidante above all else.

In truth this is probably far from the best situation - ideally the greatest emotional/moral/personal support should probably come from those who have a personal/social, rather than a professional, interest in your life, and I'm well aware of that. Sadly, nobody other than my T knows the detail of my past, or the true inner parts of me that are so hidden from the world, and that counts for a lot. I don't have it in me to share those details with others, and the longer this situation goes on, the further I feel from my friends in terms of real connection.

Having said that, they are wonderful, loyal, supportive, always there if I should ever need them and feel I can call on them... I am lucky for sure. It's just that in spite of all of the people around me, the loneliness and isolation feel so enormous and pervasive that it's quite shameful.

And for that reason, I'm not sure that I am able to utilise my friends in a manner that allows me to escape from my struggles or take time out to just do the "me" stuff. I don't have that sort of relationship with anyone, and so perhaps for the purpose of your question, maybe I really don't have any support.

I do think that for most people, seeking therapy is inevitable sooner or later on the journey to true recovery. But as with friends, therapists have to be a good fit, and if they're not, then they're worse than useless.

Sorry, I haven't helped at all, just rambling a little incoherently tonight I think.

Also wanted to say that being a mother, or anything that keeps you motivated to keep going and hold it all together, is generally a really positive thing. We all need a motivating force and a reason to keep being. But as you've indicated, it's not necessarily conducive to long term recovery, and when the truth is squashed away inside of you for too long, it starts to bubble out in all sorts of ways you didn't necessarily anticipate. Nobody can be invincible forever... as much as we all like to think that we can.

All the best of luck to you.

Maddog
 
Thankyou, these are really useful replies.

I do have some quite positive coping mechanisms. Ironically, I've studied stress and stress management and holistic therapies, which helps. I'm quite analytical, so part of my coping mechanism is to analyse how perceptions relate to emotions, thoughts and past experiences. Its a way of keeping in control. But I'm not able to move past knowing what the problem is, to finding a different way. I'm not at work full time, so I get time when the children are at school and in the evenings to allow myself to let things come up. I sort of alternate between Miss emotional flake, and Miss logical and in control.

I'm isolated, but I feel safer and in control of what happens to me because theres no one else around. So avoidance of the things that cause me most distress helps to keep me stable.

But keeping stable and functioning in my home life takes up every bit of energy and its all I focus on. Theres no room for socialisation or future plans.

I'm in the UK, so I have sought therapy, but I have to wait a long time. But I think people ask for therapy when the need to talk becomes too much to keep silent anymore.

I'd started opening up to a friend months before, but she really didn't get it and her responses were creating more distress. So I isolated myself from her and went to the doctor because I still felt the desperate urge to let stuff out. But waiting for therapy at that stage when the need to talk is urgent, isn't very good.

I'm managing to talk in my diary on here and its keeping me going. But I'm definately feeling like I'm not invincible and I need something to happen to start moving forward now. I think I'm starting to worry about opening up in therapy changing things, because the control I have at the moment is so strict. I need to stop myself getting attached to it.
 
There is no doubt that opening up in therapy can change things, it can feel very overwhelming and can very much threaten the internal controls we have built around our lives. It's a downside to going down that path, that's for sure, and it's different for everyone and not possible to predict in advance how or how much it will affect you.

The fact that you've already started disclosing and sharing to others, eg on this forum, is probably in your favour. You've already started your mind in that direction and so have created a bit of a template for sharing already.

I hope your opportunity comes along soon, it sounds as though you're ready to try and to go to that place, and so the less time you have to wait the better.

Maddog
 
I said ZERO. I've tried to have support, had a messed up T who ended up violating my boundaries, starting with a new one, who so far can only say, "Have you checked out the DBT website?"

Give me a freakin break. Chronic, complex PTSD, lifelong traumas? And he tells me to check out a website that teaches me how to find my 'happy place' and count the ceiling tiles. Sure. Just write my freakin prescription.

Friends? Tried that......abused more.

I tell no one now. I hide and rest and take my meds. Support for PTSD symptoms.......yeah right. It's like something who got their finger smashed by a machine asking for support and being told to wrap it up and get on back to work...........whatever. When in fact, we are bleeding to death.
 
My friends are my world right now. If it weren't for their support, I'd have no one-and I'd probably be really badly off. I'm very impressed by them and I'm happy that they haven't left me. Guess I truly know who my friends are. It's fascinating, that you can meet people and they prove to you that they can stick by you in bad times as well.

I only hope that I'm not too much of a burden to them, and that I can show them the good times again more than the bad times.
 
I have no one. I have no friends. I have no therapist. I have tried a few times to make my husband understand but he just bulls his way through saying things like I "should get over it" and "well, how much longer are you going to feel sorry for yourself...it's been almost 2 years now" and "wow, I thought you were a stronger person than that" and other psychological gemstones like those. I don't try to talk to him anymore. I called a suicide hotline once, thinking I could just talk to someone for a few minutes and let it out but the number was "down for service". I tried talking to my former pastor's wife but she left and it's been almost 2 years since I have heard from her so I don't suppose she is ever coming back. I tried a local (the only) PTSD group but it is limited to military veteran's only, I discovered. I'm totally alone in this blackness that is my life. No one knows how much I hurt all the time and no one cares. Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to, even just once, just to get it out.
 
I understand & relate to people here without any support. Maybe it is just a run of bad luck on my part, or my personality may not have the right elements for support to take a firm root. My extreme introversion may have even been the spark for abuse in the first place – in hindsight, I can see how the natural way about me (in person) can cause tension and feelings of rejection.

Thus, a backlash of passive-aggression, then out right abuse when they see they can get away with it, can surface. It must be like trying to love a wounded animal that tries to bite you whenever you get near. They run out of patience and start hurting back – only it is worse for me because I know they are hurting me on purpose. I don’t intentionally hurt them; by hurt, I mean rejecting their personal closeness and affections. I’ve never been physically affectionate.

Rejection of an adult by a child leads to that adult’s feelings being hurt, which then leads to them hurting me back – starting in passive-aggressive ways, then leads to physical abuse and neglect when they feel the revenge isn’t strong enough, or felt I wasn’t getting the message well enough.

It led to a conform or die situation. I always felt responsible for their actions. It took a while, away from them, to learn how to find support for myself, within myself. I’ve had many therapists just out right say that they couldn’t help me. They lacked the training. The rural area I live in doesn’t attract a lot of well trained mental health professionals, but moving isn’t an option.

Self support is the best I have available, (along with 2 other therapists I can use as sounding boards). Self support is probably the best thing to nurture and develop anyway. I have created a piece of my mind that is like an internal therapist – the rational part is how I think of it. She is always in there like a female Jiminy Cricket, telling me what she thinks is the right thing to do in any given situation. Although, sometimes I wish she would be quiet. :cautious:

Education has largely improved that rational part. I have more awareness of the world, which gives me more options. It isn't easy, and fall off my own support wagon sometimes (and can take an axe to that wagon when I self destruct). Good thing I have a construction worker in my brain too, waiting to jump in when I am ready to reconstruct my life again (family discount). :cool:
 
Been in therapy which did not much for my PTSD.
Had a good contact with other Gestalt colleagues which did help a bit. Since I had to stop working, there is no support.

I try not to burden my son with the responsibilities of my problems. He has his own life.
Considered finding a PTSD supportgroup here but they are veteran related and only part of my PTSD is war related.
In short, up the creek without a paddle.

With the recent changes in our healthcare system, waiting rooms of therapists are eerily empty. Clients now have to pay a large sum of the sessions themselves and are often not able to.
 
None, zero zilch. Never have done. One day perhaps I will.

I also would never burden my children. My partner is useless. Get more support leaning against a brick wall hehe. Made me tough as hell though, so maybe a good thing that ;)
 
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