Greetings all. I am an EMT-B in West Virginia, and new to all this. I have not been formally diagnosed with PTSD, but I think I may have it. I would rather get the opinions of others who have it and get their advice as to how to proceed from here than go see a therapist outright. I'm hoping to avoid that. Long story short, I saved a girl from drowning 10 years ago, when I was 24. She was pinned upside down under water, and I breathed for her until we could get her an air supply. I then passed out from lack of oxygen while still under water, and was clinically dead for about 3 1/2 minutes, until CPR revived me. From that day on, she and I were good friends. Her family loved me. We kept in touch often. Then, in 2004, I moved to Pittsburgh to be with my cousin, who was going thru a nasty divorce. As often happens in life, we lost touch then. I wound up moving back home a year later. Time went on until last Sept 16th, I received a phone call. The young woman I had saved had commited suicide, and had left me a suicide note. In it, she blamed me for her actions, saying I abandoned her when she needed me the most. She had moved to Florida to go to college, had apparently fallen in with the bad crowd, and had tried to contact me, but couldn't. Her family now blames me, as well. The people that loved me and hugged me now leave me pictures of her on my truck with "murderer" written across it. Ever since that night, a year ago yesterday, I dream about the night I saved her. My mind plays thru the entire call, right up to the point where I died in real life. That's when I wake up, choking on the water from my dream. It takes me a few minutes to realize I'm ok and in bed. I've had to resort to sleeping with the lights on so I can recover quicker. Therein lies my problem. I can't sleep. I have no other symptoms that I can find except I get bad headaches at least once a week now. I'm not anxious or stressed. I don't think about this at all during the day, only when I try to sleep. It hasn't affected my day to day dealings with work, or friends and family. I don't have bursts of anger or depression. I'm not suicidal in any way. I just can't sleep. I've tried Rozerem to help me sleep, but it doesn't work. I don't want to take drugs that can be habit forming to help me sleep, so for now, I just deal with it. My faith in therapy and counseling is nil. I've had many friends who are more screwed up now than they were before counseling. I'm at a loss of what to do next. I need advice. Please help. Thank you.