• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

What To Do If You Think You May Have Been Misdiagnosed?

Status
Not open for further replies.

Teasel

Sponsor
I feel slightly sick even trying to write this. I have been through hell in the past few years.

Partly cause of being in an emotionally abusive relationship for over a decade. Where at the same time as me gaining some little confidence and knowledge of his games I began to stand up for myself and the abuse became much worse.

Partly cause of a whole history of abuse that I've not been able to get suitable help for. (Though i did find CBT very helpful in helping me to learn to better deal with some of my thinking).

Partly cause my coping mechanisms have not been healthy ones.

Partly cause I've become very isolated and anxious around people (the emotional abuse from my partner has certainly played a part in this).

Partly cause I lost my Dad very quickly to cancer <3

I also had 2 years of therapy which I think did more harm than good. (Twice)

So anyway, I think I may have been misdiagnosed in the summer. Which felt like one more slap in the face of too damned many of em.

Standing up for myself has always been a bit difficult for me, and over the past years it has become even more difficult - brings up such a mess of complicated and terribly painful feelings.

I want to have the diagnoses double checked.

But recently most every attempt made by me to get anywhere has failed horribly.

One thing that I'm sure contributes to me getting no where when trying to speak up for myself is where I am coming from energetically, having been scapegoated muchly ie a position of no status, weakness, vulnerability, shame, desperation... Feeling not worthy of being believed by another, and feeling helpless to correct people when they define me and my reality for me.

As long as I can remember, if someone talks about something bad that happened to them, I will immediately feel guilty, even though the bad thing has feck all to do with me.

So I guess I am trying to untangle the knots a little in this thread

Just want to cry now

Will come back to it.

Would appreciate any helpful responses
 
Nobody can define or label you. Sure they'll try their darned hardest to but it takes you buying into their patronising opinions of you for them to have any power. You have the power to be anything you want to be. If your diagnosis doesn't sit right with you listen your gut. The more you get to know and trust yourself the more misplaced guilt will ebb away. There is no pressure or obligation to answer this question but what have you been diagnosed /misdiagnosed with?
 
I suffered from anxiety and depression in the past and I somehow still suffer from it but I learnt to live with it for the past 2 years and I lived a quiet normal life, not too bad. Anyway, that's why I think I can help a bit.

You seem to suffer from a very high level of anxiety and depression. I'm no psychiatrist but what you describe are the symptoms of anxiety and depression. Your relationship made/make you feel completely worthless.
Like my father once told me: ''it's how we are treated and considered by others that determinate how much we value ourselves.''
Unfortunately, your relationship and the way your partner treated you, gave you a wrong perception of yourself, this is why you feel worthless and shameful. Your partner somehow found a way to convince you that you were not worth being alive and loved.
Are you still with this person ? If yes, maybe it's time to let this person go, as much as you love this person, that's probably the best thing you can do for yourself.
If I understood well, you are not with this person anymore, this is a good start.
You have the right to be you, you have the right to be alive and you have something to offer to this world, you are unique.
In other word, you have a role to play in this mess of beautiful and cruel life :)

Treat yourself, make yourself happy, feel like getting a massage ? Go do it.
Be a bit selfish for some time, focus on yourself only.

I felt and still feel very anxious around people but I somehow found a way to overcome it.
A sentence that best describe how I feel when I'm around people is this conversation I got from a movie :

- Do you ever feel lonely ?
- Only around people.

What helps and what I do before engaging conversation with someone is I tell myself ''you have the right to be alive'', ''you have the right to be there and your words are worth to be heard''. I found out after some time and some job experience that I was a very good sales person, I can sell any product to anyone even tho I suffer from some kind of social anxiety. People perceive me as a very confident person and it helps to better value myself to be perceived this way. I'm actually not confident lol.. That's funny right ? I learnt not to care, it's part of me, my personality, what makes me more special. Most people are not confident, almost everyone feels weak some time to time, it's normal. Some are just better at hiding it than others, that's all.
And you, what will you discover about yourself you didn't know yet ? I'm sure you will be surprised by what you discover.

Truth is, you are not perfect, we are all not perfect but you have a heart beating under your skin, you are breathing and you have the right to be here on this planet and be happy.
Small thing I did and still do sometimes. When you wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say ''I love myself and I have the right to be alive''. Even if you don't believe it, after some time, it might start convincing you that it's true. It really helps even tho it sounds like a silly thing to do.

One last thing and very important thing: Forgive.
Forgive to your abuser, forgive to those who hurt you and make you feel this way. Forgive yourself too for feeling this way. You have also the right to suffer and feel this way, do not feel shame because of it. You have the right to feel pain, you are a normal human being filled with emotion, don't be too hard on yourself. The way you feel also shows you are a (very) sensitive person and that's beautiful, that's what we need in this world, sensitive person, you have the power to do good, show compassion and love to others. Use this power.
 
Berlinda, I'm so sorry, this sounds so hard and painful. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and they are incredibly painful and really do trash your self-worth. Are you still in that relationship? Towards the end, when I knew I was getting out (just tried to desperately find a flat to move into!), I stopped saying things that I knew would provoke the abuse. I was always feisty and stood up for myself and then when I knew I was getting out, I stopped.

Have you been in touch with a women's shelter? Or a women's charity that supports people in your situation? There's a great forum called Our Place, for people in emotionally abusive relationships, the women there are lovely - really supportive and understanding.

So, when it comes to matters of survival, stop. But make sure you express those feelings as well - through writing, counselling, art - even exercise, just get them out so they don't build up.

I wish I could give you some more advice about what has helped me, but it really is a gradual day by day thing. I think something that helped was just being able to cry. My abuser always shamed me for crying or being angry, for basically being a human being, and so for a long time i struggled to cry. Somatic Experiencing and acupuncture (very physical therapies) have been wonderful for helping me to cry. It sounds silly, but I think tears are a path to healing.

Do you have a list of resources? Anything that brings comfort. One of my old therapists told me that bringing in things that provide some peace and balance can be a help. So for me this is nature, animals, snuggling under the duvet with a stuffed animal (it's really comforting), meditation, yoga. This is a wonderful meditation to use when you're in a lot of pain and nothing else is working:

http://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/softensootheallow_cleaned.mp3

Anyway, I wish I could give you a huge hug and that we could just sit and chat together about this in person for hours, until you felt a little better.

It must be really painful to have a misdiagnosis, but maybe trying to get it changed right now is just too much stress and angst for you? It's signing yourself up for another battle, when the main battle for your well-being is already tough to fight.

Wish I could give you more advice, but it seems like you are doing so many great things for yourself and over time those things will build up and you will start to feel better and you'll learn to manage all these painful feelings and you'll have more happy days.
 
@Finchlet Agreed. No one can define me, it's a lesson I've learned profoundly. However learning something takes time to seep in to your core. No one goes from a lifetime of abuse to knowing perfectly what to say, how to behave, how to defend yourself in every circumstance. I recognise it will be an ongoing process.

The more you get to know and trust yourself the more misplaced Guilt will ebb away.

I like that
Thanks
 
I shall come back to this and reply properly again later, feel a little nauseous when I approach trying to make sense out of all that has happened - So I guess it's wise to do it little by little

Would like to add though that I'm fine, am working towards building myself up, getting away from my partner and building a new life :D
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top