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What To Tell The Police...

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Sideways

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So I'd like to report my abuse to the police. I feel like it's something I need to do - I need to start treating myself like a person who has experienced trauma.

Like most people, I'm assuming that I won't be believed. So while I'd like to report what my abuser did, I'm thinking that I might not include the fact that other teachers at the school knew, and participated. I don't think they'd believe that part.

Then I think that reportina watered down version might not only defeat the purpose of reporting it at all, it may also be the wrong thing to do, perhaps legally if not morally. I'm not able to even remotely give myself sound legal advice on this, but more importantly, I'm struggling to know ehat the "right" thing to do is.

Advice anyone? Report it all, or just what I'm comfortable with and wait to see if they want to pursue it?
 
Report it all!

Although I personally had a terrible experience reporting, I can now look back on it and know that I was 100% honest, and the lack of action afterward was not do to anything I said or didn't say. I am big on morals, and I think ethically it's a bit shady to purposely with hold info from the police (although the police are quite shady themselves).
I have a really long reporting story, but I learned a lot so let me know if you have any questions! :)
 
What's the statute of limitations in your area?

Asking because if it's over, then precision isn't crucial. It let's them know to look for other victims, rather than as a basis for an investigation.

Something along the lines of:

I was sexually abused by these teachers, at this school, for this many years. I know there's nothing you can do about what was done to me, but pedophiles don't change their stripes, and there will be modern victims, so any information I can give you beyond names that would help, please ask.

?

Puts the ball in their court for what information they need or want.

ETA I love the Royal Commision idea! Way better than my idea! :D
 
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Thanks @physicist13 - I'm soaking up as mich validation as I can at the moment because it's in short supply here at Trauma School.

I'm actually thinking of reporting to the Royal Commission we've got going here at the moment, and they offer to report your story to the police for you, which I like, because the Commission has demonstrated well and truly that they're on the side of victims and trying to give us as much support as possible. More than 4,000 victims have done it that way so far, so I'd be in good company.

Part of me doesn't really care if they believe me, because people don't. But I don't want to ruin people's lives.
 
If I were advising a witness I would say tell them everything and let the powers that be figure out what to do about it. Any hint of omissions will make them wonder what else you are not telling them.
Having said that - do what is right for YOU.
 
But I don't want to ruin people's lives.

You're not responsible for other people's actions.

If someone robs a bank? It's not the manager who tripped the alarm, or the cops who arrested them who "ruined their lives". They weren't the ones who robbed the bank. It wasn't getting caught that was wrong. It was robbing the bank in the first place.
 
@Friday - it's the other victims that's motivated me in a big way. Maybe I won't be believed, but another victim has a better chance if my complaint is outnthere in the ether. And he's moved around the country which makes tracking complaints hard, but he's still involved with the church, and his wife at least is still a teacher. Limitations probably isn't an issue, but even if it was, it wouldn't decide the issue for me.

It doesn't take long before your rational brain kicks in and tells your emotional, self-doubting victim brain, "Dumb question, Ragdoll. It's the scariest thing you'll probably do in your life, but you already know the answer to this one."

Problem is that the rational brain isn't the one that causes all the grief day to day.

I don't see any way that I'd ever end up in a courtroom (they're settling with victims everywhere), but it's still a possibility. I don't know that I'd be able to say out loud, on record, "Yeah, and he got other teachers in on the fun and games...and no one said squat."
 
Whose life do you not want to ruin? Those that knew and allowed and participated in some way? They had a responsibility to intervene and did not...right?
I can see your point though about not wanting to include these others as it makes it bigger...more like a conspiracy...and I would feel like it gives others the opportunity to make it sound more like some bizarre allegations when all is denied.
I like the way Friday put it best...give the information and offer to answer further if needed.
 
@brat17 - ha, I knew it would sound stoopid even as I typed it out. But these people have family and lives and it's a big deal making these allegations. It destroys peoples lives, even if they're found not guilt, and one life getting ruined seems like enough. But then, that's part of my problem, I actually want to start acting like my abuse is valid, and matters as much as the next person, which means not hiding behind stuff like that anymore I think. Chronically unsure of myself!

@Sighs - any tips, more than welcome. I don't even have a reasonable quota of common sense here, it's too personal, too emotional.
 
I have never been so proud!.This is a huge step. And yes tell them the truth. And telling the Commision is what it is there for.
And instead of worrying about ruining lives...try to think of lives you may be saving. No telling how many women and girls will now feel empowered to come forward. And how many life's won't be ruined if he is stopped

Your first obligation is to yourself. And you will instinctively know what to say as the process begins.
And they need to know as much as they can for when others come forward, and they will..they have details to compare the validity. I doubt he changed his rituals. They worked to well for him
They will need to compare stories.
This is not a vendetta..you are saving your life. And who knows how many others.
You asked a question on another thread about finding your own thoughts.
You are going this now.
This is yours..to not be a victim any longer.
Love you.
 
And hugs back . I have support. And I appreciate your thinking of me and hoping I have a shoulder.
And I appreciate all the times I have said the "L" word And sent hugs to put on the shelf.
You have been very tolerant of my connection with you.
Absolute joy for where you are in life. One of those "prouds" I can't put words to.
Always setting with you.
You are very precious to me.
 
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