I have to find help find a way to not let this concor me but get through it without so much distress.
I have been in the war zone for a while now trapped in a alternate real realty that taps int tom my past realty that taps int to my now realty.
I suffer and if not in one way in many. I had a knee replacement in Sept of 2012 that in my opinion went horribly wrong. I have battled alone and rather silently other than the support of my T. Latley my physical pain has seemed to seep onto the forum. My depression is way up there and I feel like I have no where to turn.
Lets fast forward. I have had major stuff go on since the surgery like being diagnosed with Fibromayalga and spondyloarthropathy and acute pain in the hips and have recently fallen far into the depths of the medical world. I recenttly went for bone scans and cats scans. Thiis was after finding out that my right knee is a gonner which I have known for a long time and my hips have bone spurs a possible cartalage tear and will have to both be replaced at some point in the future. That my Authritis has now moved into my pelvis and SI joints and who knows where else.
Struggeling with 9 on the pian scale almost daily I have been refered to pain management. I go to my appointment and for what reason other than beeing in mass amounts of pain and some trigger. I have a blow out with anger and tears anf walk out without seing the DR. Come to find out there is only 2 on my plan so I may have burnt my bridges and feel tremendous shame this even happened.
Any way my head is all over the place i think I would be able to write pages and pages on this problem.
I see no path forward. No way due to fearand a daily reminder that surgeries dont alwas go right.But can rather go horribly wrong. Not my first surgical trauma either.
How do I go forward I am stuck seeing nothing but the end of my days.
I know I either have to accept or grieve or I dont know how just broken and feeling very alone.
I have been in the war zone for a while now trapped in a alternate real realty that taps int tom my past realty that taps int to my now realty.
I suffer and if not in one way in many. I had a knee replacement in Sept of 2012 that in my opinion went horribly wrong. I have battled alone and rather silently other than the support of my T. Latley my physical pain has seemed to seep onto the forum. My depression is way up there and I feel like I have no where to turn.
Lets fast forward. I have had major stuff go on since the surgery like being diagnosed with Fibromayalga and spondyloarthropathy and acute pain in the hips and have recently fallen far into the depths of the medical world. I recenttly went for bone scans and cats scans. Thiis was after finding out that my right knee is a gonner which I have known for a long time and my hips have bone spurs a possible cartalage tear and will have to both be replaced at some point in the future. That my Authritis has now moved into my pelvis and SI joints and who knows where else.
Struggeling with 9 on the pian scale almost daily I have been refered to pain management. I go to my appointment and for what reason other than beeing in mass amounts of pain and some trigger. I have a blow out with anger and tears anf walk out without seing the DR. Come to find out there is only 2 on my plan so I may have burnt my bridges and feel tremendous shame this even happened.
Any way my head is all over the place i think I would be able to write pages and pages on this problem.
I see no path forward. No way due to fearand a daily reminder that surgeries dont alwas go right.But can rather go horribly wrong. Not my first surgical trauma either.
How do I go forward I am stuck seeing nothing but the end of my days.
I know I either have to accept or grieve or I dont know how just broken and feeling very alone.