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When and How Much Do We Tell

Discussion in 'General' started by nugget, Nov 26, 2006.

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  1. nugget

    nugget Well-Known Member

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    At what point do i tell more of my inncedent to family and friends. I can see it, that they think im more mentaly stable than i realy am due to CBT & Exposure Therapy & Medication. At the moment when things start to get a bit testie for me and feel im being pushed i slip out a bit about the day. That quickly changes the tempo of the conversation, i dont do it to be rude but some times i have to slow them down. The look on there faces is priceless. i let some thing slip the other night, it didnt go down to well. It was what i was thinking about at the time, i was just coming down from a panic attack which i tried to control and not show and it slipped out. Got me to thinking its good to talk about what happened to me which i have learnt. But do they realy want to know or is it the old curiosity sneaking out.
     
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Hey nugget, that is the hardest thing to answer. How will family and friends handle it or will they run off, or change how they act? Those are what goes through my head. If I hear oh poor thing it is likly to make me snap.

    But really they should know things in a time frame most comfortable to you as shit does and will slip out. I mean we know these things and opps before you know it something pops out of our mouth pertaining to it. They deal with shock, especially if they do not know the truth and imagination can run wild tying to figure it out. So I am sure they want to know, and partial curiosity but do not expect them to go Oh yeah, man that sucks, wanna beer? Which would be a typical reaction from one of us.

    Thing is I just don't know at what speed or how much to tell at once(my issue). Like let out all of it and rip a band aid off or bits and pieces over time yet making it a slow process and them thinking what next?

    The way I prefer if you are going to spill it let as much of it as you can stomache out in one swoop. They are going to be shocked, hurt (because someone they love endured so much), may seem a bit distant as they try to digest it. And I am sure the damn, or poor thing... Just make sure that you know they will all have their own reactions and try to come to terms their own way and do not view it as you scared them off. They will be there once they swallow it. It will hurt them but in no way traumaize them as it has you!

    My immediate family knows, immediate as in who lives with me, my teen son being nosey knows most (and he still acts like a teen just a bit protective of me when his dad came around busting out his baseball bats).

    I have composed a letter to my in-laws since I am moving there so they actually know what is wrong to the full extent and they can get over being upset about their beloved son picking such a piece of work LOL before I get there! But I won't be there for the inital shock and by the time I get back at Christmas and they see how I act they will know why. Hell, main reason for me going is so they can help us, they may as well know why. It was hard to tell them I even had PTSD and now to tell them the list of reasons why??? Hell, I don't even want to do it face to face. And hubs is not tickled with me doing it. But shit I am so fed up with hiding it. It isn't like I am in grade school and have cooties... Hubs can get over it.

    Sometimes I need to vent about it and what if they over hear? They are going to minutes away from our new home and my son going to their HS, they are going to catch on. What if I have a flash back in front of them and panic? So I am thinking honesty is best, but add to it you do not want or need sympathy, just this is to let them know what is wrong with you and what you are working through to put it behind you as best you can.

    Like I said he did not want me to tell them, but he went and fixed my typos (%$#@&*)... So apparently he expects me to send it.

    Good luck with your choice this is just what I am doing with those I am going to have to deal with daily.
     
  4. nugget

    nugget Well-Known Member

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    Totally get that, The next person that tells me to get on with it and forget it is going to get all my anger in one shot, weather verbale or by fist. My mind races all day and then the nightmares take control i wake up very exhausted and drained only to face some smiling twit during the day that thinks its just a bad memory. Bad it aint i wish it was i have trouble remembering what i have said in a conversation then i get confused and blurt out some shit. I have taken to writing down my thoughts so i dont repeat myself then i get pissed off with that because im only protecting them. If it wasnt for my wife im sure id be locked up some where, it frustrates me to no end that i have to pretend and put on a brave face just to look some what normal for other peoples sake. Im glad ive got that out been wanting to say this for a long time. Little bits of my tale upset me as the full story does, its just one more thing i have to work at (shit the list is endless!). Im not sure if i have got this wrong but it seem as if i have to protect others around me from my pain so they dont feel akward weird but true.

    Thanks for letting me ramble its nice to vent ahhhhhh
     
  5. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

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    WOW! We have a lot in common. I can honestly say I know what you meen. This has bean, for the short time I have been here, an extreamely awsome place to be.:smile:
     
  6. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Nugget, the only person you have to protect, is yourself. Anyone else, becomes a choice really. Veiled hit it on the head mate... tell what you feel comfortable telling, leave the rest alone. Family is one thing, friends... well, you soon find out who they are, and aren't. I find that most people really don't want to know the gory details, because whilst they think its cool and interesting, they then get shocked with the anger that comes with it from me. My son says crap too me at times, when I just want to beat him senseless. He thinks watching people die, and heads blown off, etc etc, all cool to him. Obviously when he see's it for himself, he won't think its so cool. But TV is real to him at the moment... I am just waiting until he lives life a bit.

    Some people are just sticky noses, some are interested because they want to know how to help you, and without knowing what is wrong, it makes it awful hard to help. Some just piss in your pocket and run away when the going gets tough. Judge people for who they are mate, who you think they are, and see how they handle things. Some people might want to help you because they care, others just want to know because they don't know...

    To be honest, I still use the old bait and watch technique with people, just to see what reaction I get from them. I give them something that nobody else knows, and if it comes back too me in a month or two, guess I can't really trust them after all. I know that is nasty, but to be honest, people don't surprise me anymore.
     
  7. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

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    This just happened to me recently. A friend of six years. It hurts some, but I know where I stand now.
     
  8. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Nugget, I got a response as I did send what I typed. I will post it in private but it was an amazing response considering this is the first time they need to deal with this.
     
  9. nugget

    nugget Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ranger2 75, anthony, nam, veiled. Well what can i say you all said it i think i just needed to hear it for people that understand what we go through. It still makes me sick to think of what slipped out of my mouth that day i tried to keep that part of my incedent to myself and my psychiatrist now the wife knows and two others do. Some times i feel like standing on a box in the middle of a shopping centre and stop every body then tell them all what happened to me so i never have to explain myself again. I am slowly weeding the people i dont want or need in my life, only one mate has stayed the same with me the others that i worked with for over fifteen years were only nosey as long as the wife can handle me going missing for half the night because of anxiety & panic attacks and the rest of my problems i dont give a shit about any body else.

    ps to anthony Im no oil painting but i saw your mug shot the other day i reckon we could pull the homeless thing off very well together and walk around pissing people off all day, remember its only a twelve hour train ride to Adelaide.
     
  10. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Oh yer mate... I do a good bum, as I am most of the time. I only scrub up when absolutely necessary, and then people look at me to see if it is me or not. Suits and shit stay in the cupboard for me... I am not the type of person. Give me stubbies, singlet and thonges any day, messy hair, unshaven... me all over.
     
  11. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

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    Y'all two together would be a train wreck... LMAO have someone video it and send to the states!
     
  12. anthony

    anthony Renovation Aficionado Founder

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    Me, a bit more presentable....
     

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  13. nugget

    nugget Well-Known Member

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    Just putting a face to the name

    Anthony If this not the done thing please do your thing and wipe it out.

    I hope this worked the first picture was me (behind the bar) and my mate (he cool about the pic) looking after the Lyndhust pub for a week back in the days when i used to drink its nearly lunch time and im on my third or fourth jacks and coke. Free drinks, food, accomdation the lot nearly every mans dream running a pub in the outback of sth oz. The wife was there as well charming the tourist doing more than her fair share, the second shot me at my finest after a hard day in the spar.

    Ps we actually got paid as well to run the pub.
     

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