Justmehere
Sponsor
...sometimes I want to scream.
But right now, that would make me cough too much.
I live in an area that is prone to natural disasters of various types. It's a little much. Not sure why I live here some days. Right now, there is a wildfire nearby that's burning quite a number of homes...
This is an angry/venting/pleading for suggestions post. I am safe, my apartment is likely going to be safe. I can't breathe though because of all the smoke in the air, and the ER jacked me up on steroids to ya know, keep me breathing and a live.
Tomorrow is a huge day for me. I basically have to go address a matter related to a past traumatic event that happened several years ago. That trauma was caused by a violent human. I can't get into the details. I was already anxious for tomorrow... now this.
When that human caused trauma was happening, we were enduring another type of natural disaster. The helicopters overhead today remind me of what it was like several years ago.
Why do I even still live here where so much horrible crap has happened?
My therapist is on vacation, I'm safe, and I will continue to be safe.... But all I am thinking is: I can't do this. I can't face this. I can't.
But the human trauma isn't happening again, my home will likely stay, my city will survive this like it does every other crazy thing that happens.
I have been preparing for July 11 for so long and right now I'm coming undone. Sabotaging. I thought I could do this. I want to be able to do it. I have no good reason to not be able to do this. People are dealing with far worse today, I certainly go take care of this task.
But all I am is terrified. And angry. I'm angry at what was done to me.
I need help finding a way through this. Tomorrow can't be moved. (I checked.) I have to find a way through this. Any suggestions? Because the helicopters and slurry plans NEED to keep flying to defeat the fire and save the city. My brain needs to stay connected to the here and now, and I need to pull my shit together and do this thing.
But right now, that would make me cough too much.
I live in an area that is prone to natural disasters of various types. It's a little much. Not sure why I live here some days. Right now, there is a wildfire nearby that's burning quite a number of homes...
This is an angry/venting/pleading for suggestions post. I am safe, my apartment is likely going to be safe. I can't breathe though because of all the smoke in the air, and the ER jacked me up on steroids to ya know, keep me breathing and a live.
Tomorrow is a huge day for me. I basically have to go address a matter related to a past traumatic event that happened several years ago. That trauma was caused by a violent human. I can't get into the details. I was already anxious for tomorrow... now this.
When that human caused trauma was happening, we were enduring another type of natural disaster. The helicopters overhead today remind me of what it was like several years ago.
Why do I even still live here where so much horrible crap has happened?
My therapist is on vacation, I'm safe, and I will continue to be safe.... But all I am thinking is: I can't do this. I can't face this. I can't.
But the human trauma isn't happening again, my home will likely stay, my city will survive this like it does every other crazy thing that happens.
I have been preparing for July 11 for so long and right now I'm coming undone. Sabotaging. I thought I could do this. I want to be able to do it. I have no good reason to not be able to do this. People are dealing with far worse today, I certainly go take care of this task.
But all I am is terrified. And angry. I'm angry at what was done to me.
I need help finding a way through this. Tomorrow can't be moved. (I checked.) I have to find a way through this. Any suggestions? Because the helicopters and slurry plans NEED to keep flying to defeat the fire and save the city. My brain needs to stay connected to the here and now, and I need to pull my shit together and do this thing.