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Natural Disaster When Everything Is Burning Down...

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Justmehere

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...sometimes I want to scream.

But right now, that would make me cough too much.

I live in an area that is prone to natural disasters of various types. It's a little much. Not sure why I live here some days. Right now, there is a wildfire nearby that's burning quite a number of homes...

This is an angry/venting/pleading for suggestions post. I am safe, my apartment is likely going to be safe. I can't breathe though because of all the smoke in the air, and the ER jacked me up on steroids to ya know, keep me breathing and a live.

Tomorrow is a huge day for me. I basically have to go address a matter related to a past traumatic event that happened several years ago. That trauma was caused by a violent human. I can't get into the details. I was already anxious for tomorrow... now this.

When that human caused trauma was happening, we were enduring another type of natural disaster. The helicopters overhead today remind me of what it was like several years ago.

Why do I even still live here where so much horrible crap has happened?

My therapist is on vacation, I'm safe, and I will continue to be safe.... But all I am thinking is: I can't do this. I can't face this. I can't.

But the human trauma isn't happening again, my home will likely stay, my city will survive this like it does every other crazy thing that happens.

I have been preparing for July 11 for so long and right now I'm coming undone. Sabotaging. I thought I could do this. I want to be able to do it. I have no good reason to not be able to do this. People are dealing with far worse today, I certainly go take care of this task.

But all I am is terrified. And angry. I'm angry at what was done to me.

I need help finding a way through this. Tomorrow can't be moved. (I checked.) I have to find a way through this. Any suggestions? Because the helicopters and slurry plans NEED to keep flying to defeat the fire and save the city. My brain needs to stay connected to the here and now, and I need to pull my shit together and do this thing.
 
@Justmehere , i am so sorry to read that you are in such a difficult situation. It sounds as though you know that you have to do what has to be done - keep that in mind when you waiver - you can do it and be strong.
Do you have anyone that can go with you , some support?
Have you tried some relaxation exercises or mindfulness to help you settle - i appreciate that its probably difficult whilst there is so much going on but you do need to focus on you.
Hope you are ok and thinking of you through your journey.
MC
 
I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

I trust your dog will come along tomorrow? Hang on to her. Hug her when you need to.

This time tomorrow, hopefully, it will be over with. Try to remember that. And think of something you can reward yourself with afterward.

You will be okay. :hug:s
 
@Justmehere , I am sorry that there is so much stuff going on around you that is making you flashback/think about the past at this really hard time. I think you are already on a good track towards making tomorrow happen. You are telling yourself the facts right now as you know them- the past is not happening, the helicopters are there to help the forest fires today not from the past, that you really want to take care of this task.

Use that anger to help fuel your desire to complete the task tomorrow. Are there any comforting things you can do tonight to help yourself through tonight and tomorrow until it is time to go do the task?
 
Oh dear @Justmehere , at some point the fires will be put out, but your traumas will remain. The more you can heal from them the more resilient you will feel. The longer you wait the poorer the prognosis. There's always something. :(

Hugs & prayers for you & your city. Terrible thing. :( :hug:
 
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Sounds like you need to be distracted from whats happening outside
and you need to be calm and focussed for tomorrow.

We can do this! :tup:

  • Blinds down and curtains shut
  • Play your favourite music
  • Aromatherapy
Do a task that will allow your mind to think about tomorrow (if you want) or to think about something for next week etc
  • Have a major cook-up!
  • Re-arrange the lounge room
  • House work
  • Pilates
  • Filing / End of financial year stuff
  • Craftwork
  • Painting
  • Video games
  • Repair that table/desk/thinga-ma-bob...
etc :p
 
Thank you for the support. I'm a mess and it really helps right now.
The more you can heal from them the more resilient you will feel.
You are right, this is such a good thing to read.
prayers for you & your city. Terrible thing. :( :hug:
Thank you.
  • Blinds down and curtains shut
Wonderful idea! Everything smells of wildfire smoke but I have huge do-it-yourself air filter fans running and with the blinds down, it begins to feel different. Doable. The sound of he planes is drowned out by the fans. The last time helicopters were overhead like this, I was feeling life and death panic from human caused life and death trauma.

I'm safe this time. Everyone I know here is safe. Property is lost but there are many stories of so many people doing kind things for those who lost their homes. Good things. So much that the Red Cross was turning away donations... I need to focus on all these good things. I need to focus on what is different. I'm safe this time. No one is hurting me.

And shut out what I don't need to pay attention to.
Do a task that will allow your mind to think about tomorrow (if you want) or to think about something for next week etc
I like this! Everything is a little up in the air with evacuations and business closures and stuff. But a friend and I made plans to make thank you cards for the first responders for the fire, and to go to the movies on Tuesday, in another city if needed, to get away from it all.

It's different this time. I have to remember that. I'm not running for my life this time.

I have to revisit that horrible trauma tomorrow, but it won't be happening again. I have to remember this.
 
Thank you @pixel but again, it's only because I didn't and wish now I could have, because the longer you go the harder it is & less to salvage. Also after being through uninsurable natural disaster, it takes decades to recover (unless you've got enough wealth to pay out of pocket on the spot, or write it off & carry on. I'm sure the first thing people are thankful for by the sound of it is their lives/ pets.
 
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