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When I Get Angry Or Upset I Punch Myself

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I always had this little voice telling me, now and then, "you're not alone".

Now I know he was telling the truth.:)

I never told anyone I knew about my impulses. I just knew they'd think I was nuts, so I thought I'd save myself that experience.
 
Well, you were right on that - they definitely think I'm nuts. I wish your little voice had clued me in - I had no idea!
 
I've had strong implulses to do the same for a year, I have hit myself and hit my head on the wall when the flashbacks that were coming out got too strong.
I did not do too well controlling these feelings of hitting my head or self. The hitting just went away on it's own after powerful feelings resolved and these new memories about family attacking my nuturing processed.
Sorry you have this one.
 
Well, you were right on that - they definitely think I'm nuts. I wish your little voice had clued me in - I had no idea!
Meh...have fun with it. I knew a guy who would drop down and writhe on the floor like he was posessed by the devil in front of his mothers friends who thought he was the spawn of satan, and totally nuts. That got them running pretty fast...peace at last from his end!:D

I'm surprised your therapist looked at you like this though...therapists 'should' be used to people in trauma behaving out of the ordinary.
 
I think it was more presentation than anything else. I seriously dissociate during therapy, so I act very stepford-y and I kind of brought it up out of now where.

So, can I assume that guy was faking? Or was he really having a reaction? Either way, I bet his mother hated it.
 
Ah, ok. That makes more sense.

Well, he wasn't really having an epileptic fit, and you would expect that his mother hated it, but she really didn't, infact she thought it was funny, and was pissed off at them for calling him "Spawn of satan"..and rightly so.
 
Wow, that's cool of his mom to stand by him. What crappy friends, though. LOL I bet they were both relieved to see them go.
 
So I saw this and looked at this disorder and I don't think it fits me but I get so mad sometimes I literally want to snap my leg off at the joint and I can imagine just how amazing that would be seeing the blood and tendons...I punch myself so hard I have bruises that swell and last for weeks I hadn't done this in a while and now that im in my 20s I feel like it can't be normal...I look normal act normal but I do these things I scratch myself till there is blood and dig my fingers in my eyes till I see white
..
and pucnxh my head..I've tried looking this up and this is as close as I've gotten to the same story other people are younger and talk about cutting but that's not what im doing im beating myself...and I don't feel that ptsd ia the answer I finally set up a des apt after my last episode I almost broke my leg...its so beaten its nasty whyyy am I doing this?
 
Yeah, Lizio. And hair pulling.

I always thought of "self-mutilation" as cutting, and I don't really cut, so i thought I didn't do it.

But I throw myself at walls, beat walls, beat my hands and arms on the steering wheel of the car.

Sometimes I bite my wrists. And I beat myself with things- more when I was a child than now. Ropes, shoes, coat hangers, cords...

This may be TMI (and I haven't read anyone else talking about it on the forum) so tenatively sneaking it out there... I also hurt myself during sexual self-stimulation. Sometimes to the point of drawing blood. I haven't talked to anyone about this before, so don't say anything mean in the comments, please.
 
so don't say anything mean in the comments, please.

No mean comments angel2write.

Only thing I can think of is that was the treatment dished out to you as a child when there was no choice. What you needed was a lot of hugs and love.

I'm no psychologist (very far from it) but my thoughts are when the thought comes to harm yourself, then replace it with what you actually needed as a child, a hug, something nice, a piece of chocolate, warm bath bubble bath, listen to music, watch a favourite DVD. Anything that you think a child would need, not what that child got. I don't know maybe I am so far off the mark, just a thought.

Listen to me who has been picking at that scab last night. I need to follow my own advice.

I'm sending you lots of hugs ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( angel2write )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 
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