metis-siren
Confident
Hello all,
I've come to a certain point in my relationship with my boyfriend of a year and an half, that I'm at a bit of a crossroads. I can either stay in the relationship where I am not happy, or I can leave.
The situation hasn't been good for almost a year or so - or that's when it become exceedingly apparent to me. It's gotten to a point that arguments at least twice a day are the normal. Nothing I've done, or changed about myself has calmed the arguments, or made any semblance of peace between us.
I feel like I've been trying to save this relationship for over a year. He has a severe anger problem that has resulted in abusive tendencies, from verbal to physical (towards my dog - which ceased quite a while ago). I've been trying to get him to go to therapy for about a year, which he refuses or makes up excuses - and I've realized I can only do so much and that in the end, he has to want to go.
I've realized I can't fix this relationship by myself, and I've gotten to a point in the relationship where I can recognize what the constant fights and lack of security are doing to my health and wellbeing. I can't concentrate on my academics anymore - but when we've almost broken up, or he's out of the country I focus much better. The arguments cause so much stress that my health conditions flare up, which he doesn't particularly care about - except to say that I should "fix" it. In the past two hours, I've had a guilt trip about not wanting to have sex yesterday, about not doing enough for something I didn't even know was happening, and ridiculed for having a poor short term memory.
In short, I know this isn't a healthy relationship and I know I'm better off without him - but I don't know how to leave yet another relationship, and not feel like there's something wrong with me. I suppose I feel a disconnect between my mind and my emotions.
I think I need to emotionally detach myself from this person, but I'm not sure how to do so.
I now have an idea of how my PTSD affects me, I know who I am, and I know what I want in life. Somehow, being with someone who doesn't even want to know what PTSD stands for, but wants me to fix it overnight somehow isn't cutting it anymore. I find I end up talking about this person more in my therapy than I do about my own life and my emotional state, because it tends to take over everything else. When I had a stalker, I got yelled at for having this person follow me - because my PTSD, anxiety and depression weren't high enough already. :rolleyes:
So, how do you leave a relationship that you've poured so much into, to be completely alone?
When I do leave this relationship, I have no supports, aside from my medical team, and a few friends who are in distress and no family. Half of me is completely terrified, and the other half of me is so excited to be on my own terms again. The fear of the unknown is much scarier than it actually is.
"You can only be you. A lot of times it's never enough for people."
Feeling a little upside down,
A. Lauren
I've come to a certain point in my relationship with my boyfriend of a year and an half, that I'm at a bit of a crossroads. I can either stay in the relationship where I am not happy, or I can leave.
The situation hasn't been good for almost a year or so - or that's when it become exceedingly apparent to me. It's gotten to a point that arguments at least twice a day are the normal. Nothing I've done, or changed about myself has calmed the arguments, or made any semblance of peace between us.
I feel like I've been trying to save this relationship for over a year. He has a severe anger problem that has resulted in abusive tendencies, from verbal to physical (towards my dog - which ceased quite a while ago). I've been trying to get him to go to therapy for about a year, which he refuses or makes up excuses - and I've realized I can only do so much and that in the end, he has to want to go.
I've realized I can't fix this relationship by myself, and I've gotten to a point in the relationship where I can recognize what the constant fights and lack of security are doing to my health and wellbeing. I can't concentrate on my academics anymore - but when we've almost broken up, or he's out of the country I focus much better. The arguments cause so much stress that my health conditions flare up, which he doesn't particularly care about - except to say that I should "fix" it. In the past two hours, I've had a guilt trip about not wanting to have sex yesterday, about not doing enough for something I didn't even know was happening, and ridiculed for having a poor short term memory.
In short, I know this isn't a healthy relationship and I know I'm better off without him - but I don't know how to leave yet another relationship, and not feel like there's something wrong with me. I suppose I feel a disconnect between my mind and my emotions.
I think I need to emotionally detach myself from this person, but I'm not sure how to do so.
I now have an idea of how my PTSD affects me, I know who I am, and I know what I want in life. Somehow, being with someone who doesn't even want to know what PTSD stands for, but wants me to fix it overnight somehow isn't cutting it anymore. I find I end up talking about this person more in my therapy than I do about my own life and my emotional state, because it tends to take over everything else. When I had a stalker, I got yelled at for having this person follow me - because my PTSD, anxiety and depression weren't high enough already. :rolleyes:
So, how do you leave a relationship that you've poured so much into, to be completely alone?
When I do leave this relationship, I have no supports, aside from my medical team, and a few friends who are in distress and no family. Half of me is completely terrified, and the other half of me is so excited to be on my own terms again. The fear of the unknown is much scarier than it actually is.
"You can only be you. A lot of times it's never enough for people."
Feeling a little upside down,
A. Lauren