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When Loved Ones "ask" Do They Really Want To Know?

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Whirlwind

MyPTSD Pro
I do not share my past with anyone. Truth is I expertly navigate it, over time throw in some normal childhood references (lies) and people just assume it was status quo. I have gotten away with this with people I have known for decades.

How do you handle sharing your past? Has it been well received??

I have shared with 2 people....and only the "light" version. The responses weren't good, one told me she was traumatized and had to block it out which made me feel awful. I barely shared any thing with her - and she asked me.

My husband...now wants to know more..wishes I could talk to him but I don't think he can handle it. He does say maybe in time, it can be a marriage goal for us.

Some I will never share as I fear he will never look at me the same way.....the rest, well, he may want to "know" but he also wants me to "put it in the past" and he tries to help by...minimizing it....as in saying they did the best they could etc. He is aware there was severe emotional/neglect. He knows there were beatings....I swear he blocks that part out later. Like he forgets? Again, he only gets the "light" version so far.

I am working hard these days to admit the truth to myself and the ugly I reserve for my T.

But it is frustrating, walking the line of sharing enough in hopes of some understanding....and allowing myself to stop LYING to make other people comfortable. But at the same time it is so sensitive, anyone minimizing my past, telling me to forgive honestly enrages me.

I hate feeling like I have to keep living with this dirty nasty secret and whitewashing it for everyone else's comfort.

For now, my past is my own but I am would like to know what others experiences have been with close friends/spouses.

Thank you, Whirlwind
 
Thanks for sharing. I am a supporter. I haven't really thought about how the information would affect me, only about trying to understand how it has affected my sufferer and made him the way he is. I can see why you may be fearful about others coping when it is so difficult to live with it yourself. I agree with your approach, telling what you are comfortable with bit by bit. Worrying about reactions to the truth certainly wouldn't help and cause you lots more distress. I just wish my sufferer would at least say he is not comfortable telling me about it instead of shutting me out and pretending there isn't anything wrong with him. You are very brave and fortunate that you are able to communicate within your marriage.
 
Not easy from either side of this is it? Thanks for sharing as well.

I ran an event over the weekend, my husband was at mile 22, where I struggled...he walked up and didn't yell "go" "keep it up" etc. He just patted me and said "I know this is hard".

That was exactly what I needed, nothing more, nothing less, no judgement. I started running again.

I realized that is what I want from him now, with this. No denial, no advice, just that.

Good luck, Whirlwind
 
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