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When nothing helps

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Esterio, Oct 9, 2017.

  1. Esterio

    Esterio Well-Known Member Premium Member Donated

    I think I am at the end of all I can do for her. It is codependent and un healthy for her or for me. I guess time will tell how strong I am to say no when I next get called. At this point I am a mess and couldn't help her much anyway. I am just waiting for news now. Not trying to help anymore I think right now is what I have to do for myself. I hope I get a call and she is in the hospital. I had her so close but still to far away.
    thanks for your response
    Peace be safe
    Last edited: Oct 9, 2017
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  3. Glara

    Glara Well-Known Member

    I like the way you worded that. As a supporter I often struggle with how to say something that doesn't sound like an ultimatum. I wonder if someone could start a thread or write an article on how to articulate when setting boundaries.
    Snowflakes, grimalkin and Esterio like this.
  4. leehalf

    leehalf Well-Known Member

    I read something on fb today and thought of you @Esterio...

    Rescuing someone who continues to make poor choices is not called love. It's called enabling.

    I hope you're friend is ok and you start taking care of yourself too.
    Snowflakes and Esterio like this.
  5. Esterio

    Esterio Well-Known Member Premium Member Donated

    Yes I think I realized that by me helping it is just enabling her to continue making bad choices. I have been at this for a long time now. This year it has been going on for months and is just getting worse. That is why I called for help and have had to step away. That does not mean I don't still have as much love in my heart for her. It is hard to watch as a long time friend is in a destructive mode and won't accept professional help. I am not sure if she even knows How much this is hurting everyone and why most of the people she knows are staying silent they don't know what they can do.
    Thank you much for your response. This is a heavy load and all the responses are lighting the load a bit. Thanks
    Peace be safe
  6. shimmerz

    shimmerz My silence spoke a thousand words you never heard Premium Member

    Yes. Agreed.

    The reason these people have kept with me is because I have done my part. I have asked them what would make it easier on them, or have backed off when I feel they are in a conflicted or overwhelmed position.

    You need to take care of you, my friend. First and foremost.
  7. Esterio

    Esterio Well-Known Member Premium Member Donated

    Hi all thanks for all your post. I have a little up date now.

    My friend was picked up by the police and taken the the hospital. She was admitted to the inpatient mental health wing. I was going to go and visit her yesterday I stopped at my buddies place on the way waiting for visiting hours.

    Who should come walking into his yard but my friend. I asked her what was up she told me that the doctors say there is nothing wrong with her, She is homeless and that is her problem so she was back to the street. I don't know what to think I can not believe that the doctors say there is nothing wrong with her. Maybe she is refusing care, all you need to do is be around her for a few minutes and listen to her talk you now she is a way off base. The conversation that comes out the topics change so fast she never finishes a sentence and moves on to the next topic. It is hard to explain. She looses everything so there is no sense in giving her anything that she does not use while you are there with her. I bought her lunch and we went and watched the ocean for a while. It was a hard conversation as we never finished any topic before we were on to the next topic. She is walking on a leg that has been broken I don't know how many times she needs to have it fixed. She told me yesterday that she has had 58 broken bones getting beaten up in her life time. I really don't know how she survives.

    It is heart breaking to watch someone you have known for so long fall apart. She deserves a lot better. I don't think I can make that happen. It seems to me like it is time for me to think of me and take a couple of steps back and let what ever happen happen. Not sure I can do that with out really hurting me. The pain in watching is to great.

    Peace be safe
    +littlebird and scout86 like this.
  8. Sweetpea76

    Sweetpea76 Semper ubi sub ubi. Moderator Donated

    SHE said the doctors said there was nothin wrong.

    I'm sorry your friend is hurting.
    Esterio and scout86 like this.
  9. Esterio

    Esterio Well-Known Member Premium Member Donated

    I don't think that is the truth. Any one that would come across her would know she is in a bad way.
  10. Esterio

    Esterio Well-Known Member Premium Member Donated

    hi there Sweetpea thanks for the post
    I find it hard to believe that the doctors said that. She is a complete mess. I'm not sure what is up now. She has been in and out of the psychiatric in patient so many times see is on a lot of Pain and psychiatric medications. She is walking on a leg that has been broken now a few times and has set wrong on its own. She has told me before she has had 56 or 58 bones broken getting beaten up. But there is nothing wrong with her. I just don't believe it someone is not telling the truth. She has been in and out of care fore many years 35 or 40 years now. The history of suicide in the family is unbelievable kids dead out of 10 But nothing is wrong with her.
    Peace be safe
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