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Relationship Where To Go From Here?

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Angelica_89

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Hi, so this entire situation and experience has been very new to me which is why I'm seeking advice here. Around the beginning of February I met one of the most amazing guys I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and we clicked right away. We began hanging out more on a daily basis and the more time we spend together I learned that he has PTSD from his time in the army. We began our journey as just platonic friends but the relationship became physical within a month or so. I was happy with the way things were going and although his mentality is extremely different I was learning how to manage it. Just recently I came to him with a proposition of making our relationship official and he totally freaked out on me. He told me he wasn't ready to be with anyone because he couldn't even take care of himself properly at this point. I voiced that I understood and that I knew we had a huge battle in front of us but I was willing to work with it. I told him I knew who he was but I was willing to accept him with all his issues. He then proceeded to call me selfish, naive, and stupid for even asking for something like that in my life. After cooling off for a couple of days I apologized and things were back to just being platonic friends until last week when things became physical again.

At this point I'm walking on eggshells and feeling very confused. I've developed feelings for him because of all the time we spend together. We basically do everything a couple does except he refuses to make it an official relationship. There are days where he stays up for 36-48 hrs. because he can't sleep and then he goes on a 16-24 hr. sleeping binge. He also gets into these moods that I've also learned how to maneuver through. Everyday gets a bit easier but there are days where I feel we take like ten steps back. Currently, I am the only person in his life who spends as much time as I do with him, otherwise he prefers being a complete hermit. There are times when he opens up to me and shares so much but it's like when he realizes what he's doing he shuts off again closing me completely out.

I guess what I'm wondering based on peoples previous experiences, is it worth pursuing and hanging on? He is such a unique and beautiful person. I am finding it hard to even thing about completely cutting him out of my life like so many of my friends have suggested because he's literally become like my best friend. Am I really being stupid and naive for accepting him the way he is and being willing to work through his issues with him? This is all new territory for me and I'm trying my best to learn how to maneuver through it. Any information/advice is greatly appreciated!
 
You hit the sack way to soon for any relationship, never mind a PTSD one. How can he become a best friend in literally two months? Best friends take time to develop, and love should be uplifting. This is clearly not the case for you or him. Take him for what he says, quit playing beneath the sheets. Women are hard wired to equate that with being in love.

There is nothing wrong with trying to work through issues with him, but he has been very clear with what he needs right now. Keep it platonic and above the sheets. Be just a friend and nothing more, other wise you risk being played as a fish - let out, reeled in. He is not a bad guy. He is processing, and the one thing he doesn't seem to want and is unable to handle at the moment, is a committed relationship.

In the meantime, do what you normally did without him. Go out with the girls, have some fun. Leave his healing to him, he is the only one who can do that for himself. I hope he is counselling. If he is not, you haven't a real hope in retaining the relationship.
And you cannot know who someone is in that small period of time. You may have an inkling, but human beings are far more complex than that. That in itself might scare him, as he likely does not know himself at this point.
 
@nursenurse Yea, I can agree with that. I guess it's more the fact that we were both in a new city with no family and when we met each other we hit it off right away spending pretty much 6-8 hrs. a day with each other just talking. I guess I say he's become my best friend because he's the one I go to pretty much for everything from work issues to car issues to just hanging out. We met each other about a year ago and interacted on a daily basis but didn't really begin hanging out outside of our gym till the beginning of February. He is in counseling and sees his therapist regularly so I guess there's a smidgen of hope. You're right though, I appreciate your advice!
 
My question for you is how important is the "relationship" label? If he is willing to give you everything else, then is the label all that important?

Another supporter made almost the same post just a few days ago and I told her the same. I am a sufferer as well, and I can give guys many things that are within the scope of a relationship, but I just can't give them that label. If you need the label, then perhaps you should look elsewhere for someone else who can fulfill this need.
 
@Solara I've actually been contemplating that question the past couple of weeks since this whole thing has occurred. I think at the beginning I was so concerned with the label that it convoluted my thinking. The label really doesn't mean anything unless the actions are there to support it. I'd much rather have the actions than the label.
 
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