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Why Can't I Cope After 2 Month Relationship Ended?

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numb87

Learning
So I have ptsd and so did my ex I was going through councelling at the start of my relationship with him and he couldn't have been more supportive. He made me happy and I think I fell for him. He was ex army and struggling with civilisation so told me he is moving to another country and then we ended things a couple of weeks ago.

I am devestated I cry all the time and the worst part is we live 200 miles away from each other and I'm staying to think it was all a lie to get rid of me although that is excessive so I am probably being paranoid. He was supposed to leave yesterday so I texted to say good luck but never got a response!

I've deleted his number etc but I feel lost and I dream about him etc and it seems impossible to get over.

I form such strong attachments to love intrest and wear my heart on my sleeve.

It is hard for me as I got dumped straight after my trauma so I think it may be a trigger.

I don't know what to do all I want is him back but I know there is no hope.

I just feel like the most unlucky person! I know people go through so much worse every day but I know my ptsd is making this worse.

I tried to go out with my friends last night but bailed early as got emotional I am worried my relationship with friends and family will get worse as I am isolating myself so much.

Help
 
It sounds like you may have a preoccupied attachment pattern. That can happen sometimes with early childhood trauma or repeated abandonment. Are you still in counseling?
 
I'm sure alot of it is the idea. I think it's because it ended like he likes me but has to go off and do this for himself so it feels like some great love that was taken away from me.

I'm trying to get into the mindset of he doesn't want you and has decided his life would be better of without you and he's not coming back which helps a bit. Coming into week 2 not as emotional but it hurts alot. I am rubbish at dealing with rejection I am trying not to beat myself up but I'm used to blaming myself and beating myself down
 
I don't think it's that he thinks his life is better off without you, or that this is a helpful interpretation to hang on to or try to convince yourself of. It is good to accept things as they are and that the door on this relationship is closed, but I would be careful about not making it a judgement on you.

You don't deserve to beat yourself up. You deserve to be treasured by the right guy who is ready for a relationship.

Sometimes people are just not ready to be in a relationship. He doesn't sound ready. And there is nothing you can do about it.

There have been times where I had to walk away from a relationship and I'm sure my life would have been better with the person in my life, if I was ready for it.

He doesn't sounds really ready for even friendship or any other relationships. This doesn't sound like its about you at all.

Preoccupied attachment is when people want to be really close to others, usually a lot closer a lot quicker than people with secure attachment. Abandonment hits hard.

I don't know if you have that type of attachment or not, but it really sounds like maybe going back to counseling to work through this might help.

You want something good, someone to love you and be with you. You deserve that and are worthy of it. This is not the right guy. It hurts, I know, to lose him. But keep working on your "stuff" (we all have stuff) and keep connecting in safe and healthy ways, I think you will find the right guy for you eventually.

Maybe right now is a good time o focus on building a kind relationship with yourself and building other relationships up too.

I hate rejection as well. It really hurts. I'm still learning to not beat myself up after rejection too. No matter who leaves, it doesn't change that you are a good person.

:hug:
 
Nix the feelings and personal emotional entanglements/distorted perceptions and deal with what it is... as it is... right now. Immediate/short focus has it's benefits... attachment styles is a whole 'nother subject. What can you learn, realize about yours?
 
"It is hard for me as I got dumped straight after my trauma so I think it may be a trigger." Past experience

"I don't know what to do all I want is him back but I know there is no hope." Accept but I can't square it up...

"I just feel like the most unlucky person!" Feelings... ick. They are not facts. Stick to the facts ma'am, just the facts. Better by far indicator of situations.

"I know people go through so much worse every day" uh yup... "but I know my ptsd is making this worse." Is it? Or is it your steadfast refusal to accept there is no hope?

"I tried to go out with my friends last night but bailed early as got emotional" good for you - you tried though didn't get the result...

"I am worried my relationship with friends and family will get worse as I am isolating myself so much." Legitimate concern... so if this is a priority, what can/will you do to prevent this?
 
I really don't know what to think or if I should worry

I seriously have never felt like this before over a break up I really think I am heart broken. This is the first relationship since I was raped last year and it is hitting me so hard.

I am worried because I don't really have anyone to talk to so when ever someone at work asks me if I'm Ok or how am I I just cry. I cried all night on Monday at my friends house (the only person who will talk to me about it) then cried at work for an hour Tuesday morning I have cried every day since.

It is slowly getting better and easier to control so I know in a couple of weeks I should have it under control but it's just freaking me out a bit.

I've been smoking weed every night to numb myself and I am going to cut way down before getting off it altogether as I don't want to use it all the time like i used to but I can't eat unless I'm high and I've lost a stone and can't afford to lose anymore weight.

I'm really hurting
 
So do I, I'm afraid to say, there aren't any words that can describe that feeling of loss, and being alone.
 
Love is an actual addiction, just as real and potent as any drug you can take. It will take a while to 'wean' yourself off of those feelings for someone, because the emotion affects the addiction center of the brain. It hurts like hell, I know. And, it feels like you are dying. But, the pain will and does pass in time. And, when it finally does, we often are able to view the relationship with that particular individual clearly, from outside the box, and realize that they weren't really the best person for us to be with. I feel for you. Hang in there. It will get better.
 
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