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General Why Do Friends Or Family Members Never Understand

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A13

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Just wondering is anyone in the position where their family or friends just don't understand how complex PTSD actually is.

I feel it so difficult to discuss how I'm feeling or issues with my vet to my friends or family without them saying "he's just being a brat" "are you going to allow him to treat u like that" "he doesn't give a shit" etc... I don't know how to make them understand that's he's not just "being an asshole" but he's really suffering inside.

I now tend to keep it all to myself so they don't just paint him as a "selfish so and so"
Or tell me how silly I am for "putting up" with him!

It kind of makes me mad when they say I'm making excuses for his actions when in fact he actually struggling to keep his shit together.

Does anyone else get this or is this just because I allowed myself to get walked all over in my last relationship and they just want to look out for me!?!

Thanks for reading!!
 
I've actually seen several supporter members here stay with the sufferer even when they know their sufferer can't handle being in a relationship. I've also seen several sufferers just treat people around them like shit and there is no excuse for that (even PTSD).

It's your life and at the end of the day your choices.

Take care.
 
I've actually seen several supporter members here stay with the sufferer even when they know their suffer...
I agree with above post.

I admit, I lash out often. But at the end of the day it is my choice how I react. I don't have to be a bitch to other people just because I'm triggered.

For example last night I screamed at my boyfriend. I was kind of mean to him because he triggered me. But still I didn't have any right to scream at him and hurt his feelings. That was not OK for me to do. I apologized and explained to him I was feeling a certain way and why I was feeling that way and then when I calmed down we talked it out like adults. Sometimes we just need space.
 
It depends on why people are calling him an asshole. What is he doing?

And yes, family rarely responds with any type of empathy. Especially abusive families. That, I think, all depends on what he is doing though. They may or may not be right.

I don't lash out. I come with my own set of issues that affect the people around me though.

Does he have any type of support or therapy going on right now? If not, will he go? Don't lose you because of his PTSD.
 
I think we all get that, whether supporter or sufferer. It's a difficult thing to understand from an outside perspective, and I have tremendous respect for the supporters who have made a sincere effort to gain insight into this world.

I have to agree with what others have said. Sometimes people are just assholes, and any excuse will do to justify it. But, it's not for us to decide whether that is the case here. I'd look into why they are saying those things to you, and then figure out if it really is PTSD, or if it's just being used as an excuse. Even if it is PTSD, if things are being done that are hurting you, regardless of whether these are things to which you receive comments from friends and family, those should be seen as priorities to resolve/manage to the best of both your abilities, for the health of your relationship. Relationships are two way connections of privilege. We do often forget to pay attention to our partners, for whatever reason, and it doesn't necessarily mean we don't care. This is just a beast that can be all consuming, but it isn't a pass on being a partner to our partners.

Best wishes to you.
 
My family is actually very understanding of my vet's PTSD. I made it a point to educate my immediate family them about it (my parents, sister, and my children). We're a close family, and they're around a lot, so they're exposed to it somewhat.

If people aren't in that close circle, then I don't discuss any PTSD stuff with them. I just tell outsiders that he's not feeling well or disabled from combat.

Outsiders don't get it.
 
Just wondering is anyone in the position where their family or friends just don't understand how complex...
Hi Adm13,

It's very difficult for anyone to "really" understand ptsd and all its complexities unless they have personally experienced it or is close to someone who suffers. My husband and I have family who share similar opinions. One thing that I've experienced quite a bit is feeling isolated because I too just kept to myself instead of trying to talk to them about my husband's symptoms. Holding all that in becomes toxic for you though. I cannot express enough the importance to expand your support system!

You will find amazing people for your support system from the most unlikely places. I spent a little over a year trying to explain ptsd episodes/symptoms and wanting acceptance and understanding from friends and family who "just didn't get it".
 
Sometimes friends and family just have a mindset just to screw with you and make it impossible to tell them ANYTHING. Lol. I still deal with the fact that l opened up Xmas gifts early (snuck a peek), and l was still being told this at 46 years old. What? Are you kidding me?
 
Just wondering is anyone in the position where their family or friends just don't understand how complex...

I get this from my family a LOT! Want to know the funniest part? My dad had PTSD. Funnier still? So does my sister and myself. Do you think it would make any one of them actually understand it or research anything? Nope...I guess that would make too much sense.

My father was/can be a selfish, hurtful volatile person. His PTSD appears as definate fight mode. His Vietnam flashbacks were so bad when we were growing up that we were literally not safe.

My sister's and my own PTSD were essentially ignored in our family of origin. In fact, any "issues" we had were dismissed as us being bad, ungrateful children. Even though we weren't into drugs, criminal behavior and got really good grades. In any other family we would be considered good kids. (I think)

Now I've been dating a man for 6.5 years with PTSD. My family hates him. Well...that part of my family, for the same reasons you say. But he isn't abusive and when not symptomatic is extremely good to me. But he is an isolator....and of course that hurts too. Because he isn't an abusive a$$ like my dad they say his PTSD isn't "real". This, of course, is absolutely untrue and not reality.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, even in families riddled with PTSD, people can be too short sighted to understand. Unfortunately, the only support and understanding I get is from the PTSD support groups I've sought out and of course here.

Some people might take the time to try to understand, but many won't bother. They are already wrapped up in their own lives. But there is support out here...and you are not alone.
 
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