• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Relationship Why Do I Feel Empty

Status
Not open for further replies.

Sangamo

Learning
I don't know were to start but I guess the best way is to just let my words flow. I am with the most wonderful precious girl in the world. We went to high school together and lost touch even though I think she did pay me any mind I thought she was it. Years later she lost both her daughters in an accident. That was 22 years ago. We have been together for 5 years now. First we had a quick love affair and got married. After 2 years she left me. Got a divorce and I still made sure she was taken care off and was there every time she bounced from place to place. After her last roommate more or less threw her out I told her she was welcomed to stay here. After about a month of we'll be roommates me dating someone pushed her to a point were we actually talked. We got back together and have had our ups and down but all the while I cannot get her to be emotional. Either in an romantic kiss or in bed. I may be loosing my mind but it is very devastating to me that I don't turn her on at all. We have sex but that's all. And I feel like she's seeing it as a chore. All the while she does little things that shows her love for me. I just need some help trying to understand PTSD. She also has been diagnosed with depression and Being mild bi polar. I hope I've not been to detailed if so I apologize.
 
@Sangamo, you are feeling the same way many other supporters feel.

As a sufferer, it sounds like I am similar to your wife as you have described her. My husband gets hurt and frustrated that I am not more emotional and don't want to have sex more often. For me, it is a couple of things. First, I am on medications which lower my sex drive and have sexual side effects. Secondly, due to my trauma history, I do not equate sex with love and romance. Sex is just sex for me. It is triggering for me too.

My traumas happened way before I met my husband and he is not to blame for my lack of emotion and romance. I love my husband and am attracted to him. I try to tell him and show him as much as I can in other ways. I'm sure your wife feels the same way about you. Have you talked to her about how you are feeling? Maybe if you ask her she can shed some similar light on why your sexual experiences with her are that way.

Hang in there.
 
Thanks. I was tried to talk about it last night after I got home but it turned into a defensive argument that ended in her telling me to leave her alone. She went to bed and so far is still asleep. I think my best approach is to just let it go right now because I feel no matter what I say right now she will react in the same way. It seems like she tries to make me be the villain as in all I care about is sex and that's as far from the truth as can be. I care and love her. And I want to show and express it with hugs and kisses. The things that show emotion and love not just sex. I'm hoping and praying today will be better. And again thank you.
 
Emotional numbing is a symptom of PTSD. It seems to be a way for a sufferer to protect themselves. My Vet has issues with this sometimes. It was very hard for us in the beginning of our relationship. He didn't want to fall in love with me and open himself to the possibility of getting hurt and/or losing somebody else that he cared about.

His sex drive comes and goes also, even being a younger man. It's not a mechanical problem, besides occasional pain issues from his injuries. It is a emotional/mental thing. Sometimes it is the closeness thing. Sometimes it is that his trauma is on his mind. Sometimes it is because his hypervigilance is distracting him or he doesn't feel safe. There are probably 1000 different reasons why bouncing around in his head, and they are all valid.

It is frustrating, especially as a partner with a regular sex drive. Wanting to be intimate sexually with the person you love is a normal human desire. It's a fine line to walk... you have to respect their boundaries, no ifs, ands, or buts. It would be awfully nice not to be treated like a pervert or a horny teenager with no control just for being sexually attracted to your partner though.
 
That exactly how I feel sometimes. Seems I get the " is that all you ever think of" statement and the look of dicust. Sex isn't as much of a problem as being intimate and showing emotion. This last weekend she was upset about a few things and did let me hold her and comfort her. I think this is a step forward and I'm learning that letting her come to me in that way is helping. Thank you all for the support and insight.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top