Yes, I've had a lot of abuse, but I think a lot of my problems is I was never valued as kid and I know my sperm donor hated me. My basic needs as a human being didn't matter to him. Of course, my mom didn't defend me much either. She preferred my brother over me. Kids figure it out. If you favor one kid, they know. And, they might very well hate you for it one day. I have more deep-seated anger, maybe hate, towards my mother than my useless piece of shit sperm donor. She had the perfect childhood, literally, so I really don't think she can offer any excuses for her conduct and I really don't care to hear her excuses either.
My brother was born the night I was raped by two sickos they left me with. I'm sure I was looking for something and the new baby got all the attention. I was yelled at from the day I was born pretty much. So, after a year, I gave up somehow figuring, well, I'm on my own. I don't matter to anyone anyway. I lived in constant fear of my sperm donor. I know he hated I was even alive. Called every name in the book and pretty much told what a loser I was. I had a memory flash that my self-hate started at like 7 years old. That's when I started wishing I was dead.
I thought God hated me, too. That's what I was told. I was constantly told I was never good enough. I despise all religion. All of it as a result. How they talk, how they act, the smells, all of it makes me want to puke. I had a lot of spiritual abuse from my sperm donor. He justified all his crap with religion. Of course, the whacked out churches I had to go to, forced to attend, and hated it, thought I was worthless, too. I don't think one person ever asked me if I was okay, or cared about me. There was no safe place. I even hate hearing the name Jesus to be honest. It was used to make me feel bad about me.
I thought it would change when I became an adult. I thought someone would love me. It didn't happen. Rejection after rejection. I didn't have the right job, or didn't come from the right family, was too needy, wasn't emotional enough, yada, yada, yada. I was ripe for abuse and got used a lot by a lot of people.
I looked for help, thought I had found it, and got used again for nice paychecks by quite a few shrinks. Not one that I know ever had a treatment plan for me. Until recently, I didn't even know what grounding was. They were so useless they couldn't even teach me one f*cking grounding technique. Bunch of scam artists.
Whomever I was died the night I was raped. I think died during the rape. A split and she took over. She watched him, I guess, leave her alone at the end of the rapists' bed. She left at 29/30 years old. Too much anger and too much abuse killed her I think. I wasn't stupid, she wasn't either. Stupid people can't create other personalities. My IQ alone is around 220. It does not make you happy though. High IQ people feel the pain of some, including animals, thousands of miles away.
Why do parents hate their kids like that? How do you get over that stuff?
My brother was born the night I was raped by two sickos they left me with. I'm sure I was looking for something and the new baby got all the attention. I was yelled at from the day I was born pretty much. So, after a year, I gave up somehow figuring, well, I'm on my own. I don't matter to anyone anyway. I lived in constant fear of my sperm donor. I know he hated I was even alive. Called every name in the book and pretty much told what a loser I was. I had a memory flash that my self-hate started at like 7 years old. That's when I started wishing I was dead.
I thought God hated me, too. That's what I was told. I was constantly told I was never good enough. I despise all religion. All of it as a result. How they talk, how they act, the smells, all of it makes me want to puke. I had a lot of spiritual abuse from my sperm donor. He justified all his crap with religion. Of course, the whacked out churches I had to go to, forced to attend, and hated it, thought I was worthless, too. I don't think one person ever asked me if I was okay, or cared about me. There was no safe place. I even hate hearing the name Jesus to be honest. It was used to make me feel bad about me.
I thought it would change when I became an adult. I thought someone would love me. It didn't happen. Rejection after rejection. I didn't have the right job, or didn't come from the right family, was too needy, wasn't emotional enough, yada, yada, yada. I was ripe for abuse and got used a lot by a lot of people.
I looked for help, thought I had found it, and got used again for nice paychecks by quite a few shrinks. Not one that I know ever had a treatment plan for me. Until recently, I didn't even know what grounding was. They were so useless they couldn't even teach me one f*cking grounding technique. Bunch of scam artists.
Whomever I was died the night I was raped. I think died during the rape. A split and she took over. She watched him, I guess, leave her alone at the end of the rapists' bed. She left at 29/30 years old. Too much anger and too much abuse killed her I think. I wasn't stupid, she wasn't either. Stupid people can't create other personalities. My IQ alone is around 220. It does not make you happy though. High IQ people feel the pain of some, including animals, thousands of miles away.
Why do parents hate their kids like that? How do you get over that stuff?