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Why Do Parents Hate Their Kids?

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raven123

MyPTSD Pro
Yes, I've had a lot of abuse, but I think a lot of my problems is I was never valued as kid and I know my sperm donor hated me. My basic needs as a human being didn't matter to him. Of course, my mom didn't defend me much either. She preferred my brother over me. Kids figure it out. If you favor one kid, they know. And, they might very well hate you for it one day. I have more deep-seated anger, maybe hate, towards my mother than my useless piece of shit sperm donor. She had the perfect childhood, literally, so I really don't think she can offer any excuses for her conduct and I really don't care to hear her excuses either.

My brother was born the night I was raped by two sickos they left me with. I'm sure I was looking for something and the new baby got all the attention. I was yelled at from the day I was born pretty much. So, after a year, I gave up somehow figuring, well, I'm on my own. I don't matter to anyone anyway. I lived in constant fear of my sperm donor. I know he hated I was even alive. Called every name in the book and pretty much told what a loser I was. I had a memory flash that my self-hate started at like 7 years old. That's when I started wishing I was dead.

I thought God hated me, too. That's what I was told. I was constantly told I was never good enough. I despise all religion. All of it as a result. How they talk, how they act, the smells, all of it makes me want to puke. I had a lot of spiritual abuse from my sperm donor. He justified all his crap with religion. Of course, the whacked out churches I had to go to, forced to attend, and hated it, thought I was worthless, too. I don't think one person ever asked me if I was okay, or cared about me. There was no safe place. I even hate hearing the name Jesus to be honest. It was used to make me feel bad about me.

I thought it would change when I became an adult. I thought someone would love me. It didn't happen. Rejection after rejection. I didn't have the right job, or didn't come from the right family, was too needy, wasn't emotional enough, yada, yada, yada. I was ripe for abuse and got used a lot by a lot of people.

I looked for help, thought I had found it, and got used again for nice paychecks by quite a few shrinks. Not one that I know ever had a treatment plan for me. Until recently, I didn't even know what grounding was. They were so useless they couldn't even teach me one f*cking grounding technique. Bunch of scam artists.

Whomever I was died the night I was raped. I think died during the rape. A split and she took over. She watched him, I guess, leave her alone at the end of the rapists' bed. She left at 29/30 years old. Too much anger and too much abuse killed her I think. I wasn't stupid, she wasn't either. Stupid people can't create other personalities. My IQ alone is around 220. It does not make you happy though. High IQ people feel the pain of some, including animals, thousands of miles away.

Why do parents hate their kids like that? How do you get over that stuff?
 
Parents hate their kids because they hate themselves, and are weak. We can't see that because when we are children and they are adults they seem so strong, as gods of our universe almost, but only very weak unhappy people abuse others, especially their own kids. Suffering their abuse sucks, but I'm just glad I'm not as messed up in the head and miserable as my parents are. Poor bastards.
 
I hate both of them. They ruined my life just as much as my two rapists did. My mom let my sperm donor abuse me because she though he would love her. He didn't and cheated on her every chance he got. But, honestly, I don't feel sorry for her. I really don't. She did me no favors and abused me, too. My biggest problem with her was she knew better. She couldn't have had better parents. My sperm donor didn't have a great childhood, but he was a loser from the day he was born. I hated my brother as a kid because they both chose him over me.

Somebody asked me one time, "Do you think your 'father' is proud of you?" I replied, "He's a prick and I don't give a f*ck what he thinks. Screw him."

As far as churches, I really hate them. They didn't care about me whatsoever. Abusing your kids is fine with us. It really rubs me the wrong way how they can talk about love and such horseshit and let sicko members beat their kids right in front of them. Love, my ass!

Yeah, my parents screwed me out of learning social skills and so forth. They wouldn't let me have friends. It was Jesus or God's way. They used God and such to make my life hell. I was reading about the quest for the new pope and it showed a pic with this big hat they wear. I was like, "take off that ridiculous looking hat. You look stupid." Must be nice to sit on a gold throne. Those TV preachers really make me sick the way they talk.

The spiritual abuse sites I read warned me I might not ever want anything to do with church again. Honestly, I'm relieved. Of course, I was never good enough to be in their inner circles. The Goody-Goodies that have it so easy then talk about how their dog died and it was so rough but God helped me through MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE! They should go and see real suffering! I can't stand those types cause, over the years I found, they think they are so special and better than everyone else. I was certainly done dirty by some of them. Hate to say it, but I think I hate all churches. It ruined a relationship with God I know. Didn't care about me so what do I need them for? I'd rather be with the freaks.

My sperm donor tithed and I had to do without because of it. I really resent it. Some church that could care less about me deserves what could've helped me. We don't have money for you to do (whatever), but they had money to give to them. I never got an an allowance, but they could give all kinds of cash to a church my sperm donor didn't even believe in. He was too busy going around screwing every woman he could find. We did without so he could be a big shot at church and screw a bunch of whores. It just really pisses me off.

I despise the world family, father (absolutely hate the word), etc.

As a kid, I always wondered why I was so worthless to not be loved like those other kids were. How come they weren't yelled at for making a mistake? How come they weren't hated for being alive? What makes them so special? I was jealous and hated going home. Teachers had to see how screwed up I was and they did nothing to help either. Only one did in kindergarten. One. The rest could've cared less. Of course, certain special kids got everything. Teachers's kids and the local big shots in the "community". I was military and they literally hated us military kids. They wouldn't tell us about special classes till after they were full. I wanted to do the art classes and stuff. Told no because I was military. I hated school because of it.

It just seems like everything was stolen from me. I don't know how to make peace with that.
 
Raven,
I am sorry you had to go through with what you did. I am relatively new at dealing with my trauma so I don't know if my advice is that great other than what happened to you had nothing to do with you as a person. You were not flawed. You were innocent and your parents were messed up and should have never been allowed to have children. I think that there are so many bad parents out there and some of those children you may have been jealous of may as well have been abused as well. Somewhat perfect childhoods on the outside can seem so 'perfect' to others and meanwhile these children can be going through atrocious activities at home.

My younger brother was always doted on and definitely favoured by my mom. My dad abused him very badly. In a way I favoured him too growing up. However, at this stage in his life he still needs help and is not independent. I think because he was so taken care of that he does not know how to stand on his own two feet and really has not had to. There is always someone around to pickup the pieces.

I have not talked to my mom for several months. During Christmas my daughter was very ill and in the hospital for five days. She did not call or make any attempt to see her and lived in the city. She always plays a victim and I am tired of it. She felt jaded that I chose not to call her first when my daughter was in emergency so to punish me and my children she just did not bother with us. I have cut her out of my life for the time being because she triggers me too much. I understand you hating your parents. You did not derserve it.

I do not hate my mom but hate what she does. She perpetuates abuse even now so I have a hard time talking or being around her if I am in a fragile state. She had the 'perfect' childhood according to some but I don't think she did because she does not know how to be a mom. I tend to think if you were loved and nurtured and respected you will do the same for your kids. I think she was spoiled materially but was not raised by her parents so that I find to be at the cusp of her emotional incapability towards her children.

The only thing I can think of is to treat yourself how you would treat your own child/pet/friend. Every time you do something nice for yourself tell yourself you deserve it. Think of something every day that is a positive affirmation. Even if it sounds silly. I know I have a problem with being good with myself because I never felt or was given the message that I was derserving of love or food or anything. I struggle with it but try to say these things to myself.

I know you mentioned art classes. So many community centres offer art classes and they are generally reasonable or just pickup some art supplies and try nurturing that side of yourself that the schools never gave you the opportunity to.

The greatest thing is that you are not in that environment anymore. You can decide who is in your life. You can decide who is going to treat you the way they do and you can decide how you treat yourself. Be your own best friend. It may sound very simplistic but I think healing has to start with treating ourselves in ways we have never been treated if you come from an abusive background.
 
I'm so very sorry about what happened to you....

My father was psychopathic and my mother narcissistic. I have NC with my entire biological family.

There is still a lot of anger, particularly being alone now for a few years, away from the fam, I've been able to process it without their added drama and chaos. It sounds like you were a scapegoat.

It seems they 'hate' sensitive children, but I think the truth in that, is that the sensitive kids 'know' that something is very wrong and I think the parents pick up on it, therefore that child is targeted because they don't fit in with the status quo of other siblings. Abusive parents LOVE to triangulate. My siblings were taught to abuse me too.

I don't give a rats ass what they do now.

What I care about is the profound effecs it has had on me, my life and since coming to awareness, how my own behavior in reaction and response has hurt others around me too.

I agree with MomofTwo-you get to decide now. After a time away from them, it becomes more empowering...and they become much more distant.

It's YOUR time now. :)
 
I'm sorry your parents treated you that way. That is horrible and you're right, there is no excuse for it. To tell someone they're worthless or to make it obvious they favor one kid over the other? That's so wrong it boggles the mind. Even when a kid is frustrated or breaking rules the discipline should never be targeted at the kid, just the behavior. I'm sorry you were neglected and abused. That your basic needs weren't met and you had no safe place to go. I am glad you survived and have a chance to find some semblance of that now. I wish you peace and I hope you find a way to claim some, you deserve that.
 
It just seems like everything was stolen from me. I don't know how to make peace with that.

You make peace with it because what is done is done. Literally. There is no going back. There is no saving 'you as a kid'. There is nothing in that line of thinking. What is done, is done.

What will be is in your control. What will be is what you choose. Harder for you than other 'normal' people but doable.

What is done is done, what will be will be your choice now. YOUR CHOICE NOW!
 
Innordinate, It took a lot to write what I did. I never did that before. "Get over it" doesn't work. I've tried to ignore it. I can't anymore. You are a cold-hearted person. :( Since you are "bored" and love sarcasm, how about staying off my threads from now on. I don't need people like you around me.
 
Raven, I get it but unfortunately I don't really have any helpful advice as I'm trying to figure this stuff out myself. All I know is that the experiences of my childhood have settled into my bones in a way that I know I will never be rid of. It hurts, a lot. And I don't know how I'll ever rid myself of the pain. I'm no where near forgiveness or understanding and am simply at the point where I understand that I have to allow myself to go through what I need to in order to get through another day.

I think the crappiest thing that I have learned through failed relationships and friendships is that no one is going to save me and that I have to save myself. It sucks a thousand times over because just once I would love so much for someone to scoop me up, hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I realize that what I'm yearning for is my lost childhood and that feeling of protection that one is supposed to receive from their parents. I'm sorry your hurting. I hope you can find some way to be your own protector.
 
It is correct that it's up to you now; however, since you've tried to ignore and suppress it all along, you have a lot of frustration, anger and other emotions that need to be felt and worked through before you can heal and move on. From your first post it could seem like you'd been carrying bitterness and anger for a long time and needed to let go, but that isn't the case. I hope you find a way to reconcile with all you've been through, what sort of people your parents are and how it's affected you, you'll obviously need time to do that when you've carried it for so long without letting it in.
 
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