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Why Do People Throw Big Parties And Expect Others To Be Up To Their Standards?

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J_trustno1

MyPTSD Pro
I'm invited to this party and they have a theme for wearing smart casual dress. I have just normal summer dresses (not expensive) and I am expected to have cocktail dress. What is the point of all this materialism when you are just going there to say farewell to your dear friend who is leaving for overseas? I mean isn't the entire idea of a party is just to gather up and have some good time other than the focus being on your dress? Seriously, I cannot afford an expensive dress because I am on a benefit and whatever the money I get is being spent on my medicine (5 medicines a day and they are costing me a fortune), medical examination and other necessary things (Petrol, bus fair, grocery etc).

Before knowing the theme of the party I bought a floral dress thinking that it is summer and that would be alright but now I will probably have to live up to the standards. I know I am being cheap but my financial condition is not good. I am applying for any jobs and not getting any luck so far so I am tight with money at the moment. I cannot refuse to go to the party since he asked me twice face to face to come. So it is kinda rude to disrespect someone's invitation.

Please suggest??
 
@shimmerz : are you serious or joking? I have always been ridiculed at my relatives parties for my dressing sense, the way I looked, my lipstick, makeup, my hair or whatever was on my body. Now I am worried that the same will happen. I don't want high class people laughing at me :(.

My dress is somewhat similar to this:

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Nope, not joking. That is my way. I do what I want around my friends (which is why they are my friends). I didn't realize that you had past experiences with this. I did look at the link you provided. I think the dress is lovely. Personally, if I was at the party I would ream out anyone who looked at you sideways for wearing it - but that is just me.
 
I think the dress is perfectly ok for the occasion. Dress it up a bit more with accessories. Family members are usually much more critical than friends or strangers. It's because they feel comfortable enough to get away with it. If you're really not happy with the dress can you borrow one or buy second hand?
 
I'll look around in the mall again this weekend and see if I can find something. If I don't then this is what I'll wear. I'm definitely not going to spend too much on a dress. I don't have many contacts or friends so I can't get something. I have been thinking about second hand but I've never done it in the past.
 
Smart casual & cocktail are two different dress codes.

Smart casual is one of the loosest dress codes around... Don't dress to the 9s, and don't come in ratty dirty clothes, but nearly anything else goes. Google image it & you'll see the very, very wide range it encompasses. Your dress fits in just fine.

Class, by the by, doesn't tear apart ones guests. Class sets ones guests at ease. It's absolutely vulgar & low class to be so inhospitable as to criticize your guests appearance or to make them feel wretched & inadequate. Anyone laughing at another guests appearance is not high class. Someone who modifies their own attire on the fly, to more blend the gap? That's a class act. You'll see it sometimes; polished chignons untwisted to let hair fall loose. Shoes slipped off or changed. Jackets removed, ties loosened and sleeves rolled. Or the reverse. And if no modification is possible? From motorcycle leathers to bikinis... You make up a story in your mind that perfectly explains the rightness of their being dressed so, and completely ignore the incongruity.

<chuckling> In fact, it's so de rigor to meet in the middle, that many diplomat kids meet up ahead of time to see who is going to be rushing in from XYZ quite underdressed for the occasion... to give the rest of them an excuse to loosen their ties & slip off heels for flats.
 
I have a lot of problems with sticking out, whether it's being over dressed or under-dressed. What I can say is that I'm working on streamlining my closet and not having much I don't wear often. More to the point, as I sort through things it's the expensive pieces that I never have occasion for I regret the most. It's also very possible to find inexpensive things that can be dressed up nicely. One of my favorite dresses is a very comfortable form fitting floor length black dress with tasteful lace cutouts that cost about $20 If I add a couple pieces of nice looking jewelry I'm set to go, and if I don't wear it more than once a year I don't feel it's a waste to have it.

Perhaps clarify the dress code before you worry too much. What you've listed should be fine for smart casual in my experience, especially with tights and a cardigan, wide belt, and or cute purse/accessories. Throw your hair into a cute but relaxed updo, a little makeup and call yourself good. At least in the circles I'm in, if you showed up with a super expensive cocktail type dress for a smart casual dress code event you'd probably be a bit overdressed.

That said, I absolutely agree with @FridayJones regarding meeting in the middle. If your hosts are of class and have the grace that comes with it it won't much matter what you wear as long as you look kept. Particularly if they're at all aware of your situation. Alternatively, depending on your relationship with the people in question is there anyone you might ask to borrow something. If you're even remotely the same size sometimes you can have luck with "I'd really love to come to your party and to dress in theme but I don't have cause to dress that way often and my budget's a bit tight. Might you have an extra dress you wouldn't mind me wearing?". That way you also know that you'll be at roughly the same level of formal attire as someone else. Again, totally depends on the relationship involved, but sometimes people are thrilled to help if you only ask. Or even just "I'm having some trouble deciding what to wear and was wondering if you could tell me/show me/send me a picture of what you're planning on." Especially with other women, people will understand that worry.

Just my .02.
 
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Upper class people your going to be seeing are going to be childish and rude to you, because of your (Rare) ability to budget effectively?

I think some of those people have forgotten how to be classy.

I know this is always easier said than done but try to remember. The only person you are responsible for impressing is you.
 
Thanks everyone for your replies. Sorry for not telling the dress code clearly. It is actually cocktail dress. I don't know if my dress fits in the criteria or not. Don't want to be the odd one out.
 
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