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Why do you choose to stay alive?

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My kids, my cat, my faith, and my sister. We lost a cousin to depression, it was horrible. My younger sister and I lost our Mom when she was 15 (Cancer) and her Dad passed several years ago(heart attack). She has no children and we are as close or closer than best friends. I think of my children and my sister's pain they would have to go through...and you know...pets, no one understands them like their owners.
 
A) Because I want to. Even though I've seen little to no evidence of this in my life personally, I have this wierd "rational" belief that it's possible to heal and change and whatever the f*ck it takes to be able to live again.
B) I've seen what extroadinarily awful damage you can do to yourself and have to live through via multiple failed attempts my mother made to end her pain. They did not end her pain they increased it many many many times over.
 
I’ve been battling these damn suicidal thoughts lately...

I could focus on all the reasons why t...
Idk, it’s sounds like you have some strong reasons to stay alive, please do! For me I’ve always felt like suicide is just not an option, I think about it and wish for it, and sometimes really really want to. For me it’s the what if’s, or better said the possibilities and possible future outcomes, I’m to curious, I have to see the rest plot, I guess that’s what I’m such a bookworm and genuinely love university, even when I hate it, so...... Curiosity? Haha did not kill this cat

Omg I guess im more baked than I thought I was.... please understand my half finishing sentences, I thought the words, I guess I didn’t write them tho
 
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